


If History Could Set You Free (From Who You Were Supposed To Be)

by oceantears



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: "scening" is used in a non-sexual way, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Arranged Marriage - Freeform, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Dom Magnus Bane, Domdrop, Fluff, Gentle Dom Magnus Bane, Good BDSM Etiquette, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Magnus Bane's Cat Eyes, Misunderstandings, No Sex, No Smut, Non-Sexual Submission, Past Abuse, Praise Kink, Protective Magnus Bane, Safe Sane and Consensual, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, Slow Burn, Sub Alec Lightwood, Subdrop, This will be a long one, Touch-Starved, mentions of rape/non-con, non-sexual scenes, not between alec and magnus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26364469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceantears/pseuds/oceantears
Summary: In order to keep the peace between Nephilim and Downworlders, a Bonding between a Shadowhunter Sub and a Downworlder Dom has been proposed.Unfortunately, Alec presented as a Sub just months ago, making him one of the only ones in the Institute. Therefore, he will have to be Bonded to Magnus Bane, who is not only one of the most powerful Doms the Downworlders can offer, but is also said to be very experienced and strict with his Subs.And of course, someone like Bane – powerful, rumoured to be cruel, and definitely not on best terms with the Shadowhunters - can’t be anything but a terrible Dom, a terrible person, intent on hurting Alec even more than he has already been hurt, can he?Luckily, not every rumour is true and this Bond might just be the best thing that could have happened to Alec.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 220
Kudos: 1138





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe, once a Dom and a Sub are Bonded (like a contract or marriage, I kind of borrowed that from a/b/o), the Sub (at least in the Shadowhunter’s eyes) “belongs” to their Dom, meaning that the Dom can decide what their Sub does, whether they are allowed to work, how they’re supposed to behave in public and the Doms have control over the sessions as well as any other bedroom activities. Therefore:
> 
> WARNING: This story contains descriptions of bad BDSM Etiquette, both graphic and non-graphic, though none of that is between Alec and Magnus. Whenever anything is mentioned, I will put it in the note section, but it is entirely possible to skip the kinda graphic scene, as it is only one and a few flashbacks/memories, which I will also mention in the notes. If you want more detail, please write it in a comment and I will clarify. 😊
> 
> There’s no sexual assault or sexual abuse in this story and absolutely no bad Etiquette between Magnus and Alec. English is not my first language, so if you find any glaring errors, please do tell me! The summary might be changed eventually, I am not entirely happy with it.  
> I hope you’ll enjoy it!!! <3
> 
> (Title is form Marina’s “Sex Yeah”, which is arguably ironic, since this story will be focussing on the non-sexual parts of BDSM.)

Alec was pacing, walking the same few steps over and over again. From the closet to his bed to his desk, to the closet to his bed to the desk, to the closet… He had his eyes turned to the floor and was trying his hardest not to let his breath come out shakily. He felt miserable, as if he were about to cry and if there was one thing he desperately did _not_ want to do right now, it was cry. 

Alec could hear Isabelle outside of his room talking quietly, presumably to Jace. He tried his best to ignore their voices, not wanting to know what they had to say about this whole thing. He was grateful for his siblings’ support, of course he was, but right now, he needed just a few more seconds to be alone. 

After all, this was likely one of the last chances he would get to be entirely alone and unobserved ever again.

Despite his bests efforts another shaky breath forced its way out of Alec’s throat. He covered his mouth with his hand, but it was too late – he couldn’t help the tears that were now starting to run over his face. Alec brought a hand up to his face, roughly wiping them away. Crying wouldn’t help him. It would only make matters worse, since he could not show up to the meeting with his parents with a tear-stained face.

The meeting with his parents. It would be his second one today, the one in which the details of his Bonding would be discussed. His Bonding, which his parents had arranged against his will and of which they had only informed him a few hours ago. His Bonding to a Dom he neither knew nor wanted, and all that only because he, Alec himself, had not been lucky enough to present as a Dom, because he had once more disappointed his parents and let everyone around him down by presentng as a Sub.

The Bonding which would effectively end his life as he knew it, which would take him away from his home, from his family and make him little more than a servant to the Dom he would be bonded to.

A knock sounded at his door, a quick tap-tap, short and effective. It was the way Jace always came knocking at his door – demanding entrance, demanding company. Alec straightened. He did not know whether he would be good company right now for either of his siblings, but he knew that eventually, he would have let them into his room.  
If he denied them entrance any longer, he would only cry more, which would definitely be worse than simply accepting their company. And, most likely, either Jace or Izzy would take more drastic measures to try and enter his room if he continued to keep them out, and even though the thought of having company right now was not at all an appealing one, the thought of any other Shadowhunters being alerted because Izzy had kicked in a door was even less pleasant than that.

After Alec’s affirming hum, allowing his siblings to step in, the door opened silently, as it always did, and in came Jace, directly followed by Izzy, whose eyes were slightly bloodshot – much like his own, Alec suspected.  
Jace immediately sat down on the only chair in his brother’s room and Izzy took the bed, so Alec was left with no choice but to stand, leaning against the closet with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“How are you?”

Izzy’s voice was soft, her eyes quickly trailing over her brother, looking for clues as to what he was feeling right now. If only he himself knew, Alec thought bitterly, if only he himself knew.

“I’m fine.” It came out bitter and clipped, an obvious lie that both Alec’s siblings had caught on to, if their equally disbelieving looks were anything to go by.

“You’re fine,” said Jace slowly, drawing the words out, “you’re fine because this is a completely normal situation, right? Nothing weird about it at all, no?”

“I’m fine because I have to be,” said Alec, jutting his chin forward a little, “because if I’m not or if I oppose this whole… thing, our entire family, the Institute, _all of the Shadowhunters_ will be in danger.”

It was true, and Alec could see that both Jace and Izzy knew that. Jace visibly deflated a little and Izzy was frowning. They all knew it – a Bond between a Shadowhunter and a Downworlder (for that was who his parents would give him to) would strengthen the relationship between the two sides and possibly prevent a war from happening, seeing as the tension between Nephilim and Downworlders had become worse recently and apparently, this was the only solution the Clave had been able to come up with. 

“Well, then they can find a Shadowhunter who actually _wants_ to be Bonded to a Downworlder! They can’t just- You don’t want this, Alec, they can’t just sell you to the highest bidder like a piece of meat!”

Izzy’s voice was trembling, showing just how much she hated the situation her brother had been forced into. She knew, just like everyone ese in the room did, that her argument was useless. No Shadowhunter would willingly enter a bond with a Downworlder – not that it would even be possible, since Subs were extremely rare among Shadowhunters.  
  
The few Alec knew were well above sixty and therefore ineligible. And for the longest time, it had been assumed that Alec himself would also present as a Dom, albeit a bit late. But since that had not been the case, his parents had to find another solution and that as quickly as possible, because after all, no Sub could lead the Institute, could they? That was also a major selling point and one of the main reasons why Alec had been chosen for thr forced Bonding – he came from a wealthy, influential background and while his days of leading the Institute were now over, they did increase his value as a Bonding Partner.

So really, Alec was the best – and only – choice that his parents had. A Bond between him and a Downworlder could possibly prevent a war from happening, would free the Institute from the burden of being led by a Sub and would also serve to give Alec a Dom who would 'keep him in check' like his father had so lovingly phrased it.

“There are no other options, Izzy,” Alec said, voice firm, as if to convince himself as much as his sister, “I am the best choice. No other Sub would be willingly Bonded to a Downworlder, even if we had anyone else that was under sixty. Our family is well-known and influential, a Bond between us and the Downworlders could possibly prevent a _war_ from happening. I’m not saying that I approve of our parent’s decision or that I am happy with it, but I see why they would choose me. And if it helps keep you two and Max safe, I will let myself be Bonded to whoever our parents choose for me.”

It sounded absolute, Alec realised, because it was. If he let himself be Bonded to a Downworlder, there was no going back, there was no second chance. He would then not entirely belong to his family anymore, but primarily to his Dom and he would have to do as he said. If he decided to go through with this Bonding, there was no way of knowing what would happen to him, only that his freedom and autonomy would go from his parent’s hands to those of an unknown Downworlder. From bad to worse. 

“You could leave,” said Jace suddenly, leaning forward in his chair, “we all could leave, right now, and then you wouldn’t have to be Bonded to anyone. We could leave, Alec, you, me, Izzy and Max.”

“And where would we go? We have nowhere to run to, we have no options and I doubt that we would survive even half a month, us four together day in, day out. We fight after having been together for two hours, nevertheless the whole day.” Alec’s small smile vanished. “And what about Max? We cannot simply take him away, this is his home. He, as well as the two of you, has a life here, in the Institute. We can’t leave, Jace, it would not be fair to any of you.”

Alec looked at his siblings, straightening. There were no other options for him, he new that, there was no magical solution, no matter how much he wished for one, and he needed to make his siblings see that as well.

“I will agree to the Bonding. It is the best thing for all of us and I am the only one qualified to do it. It is my decision, Jace,” he added as his brother opened his mouth, appalled, “it is my decision and my responsibility. If this is a way to keep you and the rest of the Shadowhunters safe, then I will be Bonded. Please don’t argue with me,” he said, voice tired and exhausted, “if nothing else, let at least this be my choice, my own decision. I will agree to the Bonding because I want to. After all, how bad can it possibly be?”

Judging from the looks on both Izzy’s and Jace’s face, the both of them knew the answer to that question just as well as he did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! A new chapter already!  
> I'm publishing this chapter so quickly since I want to get into the action, which will properly start in the next one. This one is still more of a lead-up, to explain the basic dynamics in this AU and whatnot, so I wanted to get it out somewhat quickly.  
> Also, just as a general piece of information: Throughout this story, the words "scening" is used to sometimes describe sexual but mostly and primarily NON-sexual power exchange. 
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who've commented and left kudos! I appreciate it a lot, and I hope that you'll like this chapter as well.  
> Enjoy!!

The door handle was cool against Alec’s hand and the door to his parent’s office opened without a sound. Maryse and Robert were both sitting behind the heavy wooden desk, an awkward amount of space between them. Alec entered the room without saying a word, closing the door behind him, and came to stand front of the desk, facing his parents, his hands folded behind his back. It was a formal stance, a tense one, but with what he was about to do, Alec really did not have it in him to relax.

“Thank you for coming,” said Maryse, the slightest hint of a smile on her lips as she watched her son, “please do sit down, Alec.”

Alec did as asked, perching on the edge of the chair, watching as his mother carefully tucked a strand of hair into her bun. Her face was perfectly void of emotions, her business-expression, as Alec and his siblings had come to refer to it. And while it was supposed to keep others at ease and interested, her unnaturally calm expression did the opposite for Alec.

“I assume you’ve thought about your answer?”

Robert interrupted Alec's thoughts. His voice was cold, as it had been ever since Alec had first Presented two months ago. Robert was of the opinion that he could not love a son of his that was a Sub, since he – like most of the Shadowhunters – held onto the belief that Subs were lower than Doms, and he had made sure to let Alec know that as well. Their relationship, which had never been an exactly loving one, had been even more strained after Alec had Presented, and at times, Alec felt the urge to just punch something because of how unfair it all was.  
He had always tried so hard to be the perfect son, the perfect Shadowhunter, the perfect leader, only to have it all ripped away from him because of something that was entirely out of his control. Everything he had ever achieved had been made worthless, just because Alec's biology was not what it was supposed to be.

“I did,” said Alec, nodding slightly, trying to concentrate on his parents instead of his now slightly self-deprecating thoughts, “and I have decided to agree to the Bonding.”  
The words were hard to say, his throat scratching as if unwilling to release them. For a second, the world around Alec seemed to tilt, making him feel dizzy. He had just agreed. He had agreed to a Bonding to an unknown Dom, a Downworlder, and had therefore essentially signed his life away. 

For just a moment, Alec couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about his choice before coming here, but saying the words out loud made it seem final, irreversible. _It is_ , whispered a traitorous voice in the back of Alec’s mind, _you cannot go back now_. He ignored it in favour of listening to his father who had just begun talking, a pleased smile on his face. 

“Perfect. I’m happy to see that you have come to your sense and chosen the right thing. Not that there was another option, really.”

His father’s smile had a sharp edge to it now, a barely hidden threat that was also evident in his words. Of course, Alec knew that he hadn’t had another option, not really. Refusing the Bond would have either ended in him being banned from the Institute (since then, he would not only be a Sub, which in and on itself was fatal enough, but also an insubordinate one and that was not something his parents could have allowed, not if they wanted to keep face) or being forced by his parents to Bond anyway. By saying yes, he had at least had the dignity of making it seem like it was his choice, like it was something he did out of his own free will. It was a small condolence, but Alec would take what he could get.

“We’ve already chosen a fitting match for you, Alec,” said his mother, drawing his attention to her, “one of the most influential and powerful Doms the Downwolders have to offer.”

That was the moment Alec had been anxiously waiting for. Ever since his parents had given him their ultimatum, he had been thinking about it, worrying over who they would choose for him. Of course it would have to be an influential Dom, who was respected among the Downworlders, since otherwise, their Bond would not mean much in terms of a symbolic union to keep the peace. That definitely narrowed down his options – only few of the more powerful Doms were women and there was no chance in Hell that Alec’s parents would give him to a male Dom. Not only was his preference for men a secret Alec held close to his heart, it would also present Maryse and Robert in a slightly negative way if their son were to be Bonded to another man, since the overwhelming majority of Shadowhunters was deeply conservative. Therefore, Alec’s choice of Doms was somewhat limited, especially if his parents wanted to get him the best match possible.

Alec quickly went through his option again, mentally listing them. The leader of the vampires, Raphael Santiago, was not only male, but also a Switch and therefore ineligible. From the few female Doms in the vampire clan that Alec knew of, no one was high-ranking enough for his parents to even consider. With the Werewolves, it was much the same, which only left Warlocks and Seelies. The Seelie Queen was one of the most powerful Doms Alec could think of but there was no chance that she would agree to a Bond such as this. And, Alec added mentally, it was unlikely even for his parents that they would give him to a Seelie. A Warlock seemed almost as unlikely, but they were the only ones left and from what Alec had heard, a healer named Catarina Loss seemed to be well-respected in the community and definitely powerful enough for his parents to have chosen her...

“We decided on Magnus Bane as your Dom,” came his mother’s voice, interrupting Alec’s train of thought and leaving him completely dumbfounded. “The High Warlock of Brooklyn agreed readily when we informed him about our offer. He said that he would gladly be Bonded to you in order to ensure peace between us and the Downworlders, and to be quite honest, he seemed more than happy at the prospect of being Bonded to you.”

Alec could do little but stare at his mother, his mouth slightly open. His heart had started pounding in his chest. A _man_? His parents had Bonded him to a man? It was not something he ever would have thought possible – he hadn’t even entertained the idea that he could possibly be Bonded to a man, to _Magnus Bane_ , above all.  
Magnus Bane.

Everyone had heard of Magnus Bane, not only in the context of him being the High Warlock of Brooklyn, but also of his somewhat… wild and exciting love life, which had become a bit of a public affair over the past few years. As far as Alec knew (if one were to trust the rumours), the warlock had never been Bonded to anyone and rather chose to have short affairs with Subs or Switches that didn’t last longer than a few months at most. It was no secret that he did not differentiate between men and women, but there had also been rumours that Bane had also been involved with other Doms in the past – something that was usually frowned upon. 

Out of all the people his parents could have chosen, Bane would have been the last one Alec would ever have considered. Not only was his reputation one his parents under normal circumstances condemned, but the mere fact that he was male should have disqualified him immediately.

“If you are wondering why, your mother chose him. She was adamant that you be Bonded to him, since he is one of the, if not _the_ most powerful Dom the Downworlders have. I would have preferred someone with a better reputation, who could… discipline you properly, but I am sure that once Bane is Bonded, he will take his responsibilities as a Dom seriously. No more of all his whoring around.”

Alec threw a quick glance at his mother, ignoring Robert’s last two sentences with an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. She had chosen Bane for him; she had insisted that he be Bonded to the warlock. Had she somehow… Had she somehow found out about the feelings that Alec had so desperately tried to keep to himself? If so, why had she never said anything? It was wrong to be attracted to men, at least to the Shadowhunters, Alec knew that. It was much more common among Mundanes, but in the Institute, same-sex attraction was still seen as something wrong, sinful and shameful.

But if Maryse had indeed found out about Alec’s secret, why hadn’t she said anything, why had she _supported_ it? It made no sense.  
Maryse’s face was carefully blank, a stark contrast to Alec’s father, who looked increasingly annoyed at Alec’s lack of response.

“Since this is settled now, you are excused. The Bonding ritual will be in five days and after that, you will live with Bane. For the first three months of your Bond you are excused from your duties as a Shadowhunter in order to get used to being Bonded. After that, it is up to Bane whether or not he will allow you to do your job, but we did strongly advise him to let you come back, at least for missions. Don’t disappoint us, Alec,” his father said, the warning in his voice now clearly recognisable, “we will be in contact with Bane. If you are acting up in any way, we will hear from him. Not that I think we will have to do anything. I am certain that Bane will be very good at keeping you under control, but I’d rather you didn’t reflect badly onto us.”

Robert nodded, clearly pleased with himself and his speech. Alec didn’t say a word, only clenched his teeth. He knew that his father was under the impression that no Sub could ever behave nor act like an even halfway decent person, he thought that they were too weak to make the right decisions and needed a Dom to control them for their own sake. No matter that Alec had always abided by his parent’s rules, had always done what he had been told and had given his hardest to be the best fighter and leader he could possibly be – as soon as he had presented as a Sub, it was as if all the achievements he had made over the years, as if everything he had ever done, had ceased to exist, as if they were nothing compared to his Orientation as a Sub.

Alec didn’t voice any of those thoughts but simply nodded, standing up. 

“I will go train now.”

It wasn’t much in terms of a goodbye or even a thank-you, but it was all he could muster. He could not possibly stand being in a room with his father even one second longer, not when he knew that Robert was already looking forward to hearing what Bane would do to ‘discipline’ him.

Alec was already halfway through the door when his mother called out. He turned to look at her, only to see her walking towards him, exiting the study with him and closing the door behind her son.

“I wanted to talk to you for a moment.”

“Didn’t you do that just now?”

Alec couldn’t quite help the edge of annoyance that crept in his voice. He wanted nothing more than to be alone right now, needed space to think about this conversation, about what had just happened.

“It will just be a moment.” 

His mother took his arm, pulling him a bit further away from the door. She wasn’t looking at him but checked the hallway to see if anyone was walking by. When she was satisfied that no one could see or hear them, she bent forward a little, talking so quietly it was almost a whisper.

“I chose Bane because I know him a little. He will be good to you and he seemed very excited to be Bonded to you. He is the best choice we could have made; I promise. Your father doesn’t know about your… feelings, your inclinations towards men, but I do, and I tried to take that into consideration when choosing your Dom. Don’t worry too much, Alec – from what I’ve been told, he treats his Subs fairly. He will take good care of you.”

 _Define ‘good care’_ , Alec thought grimly. He and his parents – especially his father – had very different ideas of what a ‘good’ Dom should be like and he feared that Bane was much closer to his father’s ideals – strict and harsh, quick to judge and even quicker to punish. After all, why else should they have chosen Bane?

Once more, he kept all those thoughts to himself. He could worry about all of this later – right now, what his mother had said earlier was a much more pressing matter.

“You… you know.”

It came out flat, not sounding like a question at all. If his mother knew about his feelings towards men, why hadn’t she said anything, why was she supporting them instead of making sure that no one would ever hear about Alec’s preferences? Why hadn’t she insisted on him being Bonded to a woman?

“Yes, I know, Alec.” His mother didn’t sound upset, nor disgusted, like Alec had always feared she would be if she ever found out. “And I don’t- I don’t mind it,” Maryse continued, “I thought that… It isn’t much, but I thought that if you are going to be Bonded, it should at least be to someone you might actually find attractive, might learn to care about, over the years. It’s the least I could have done.”

Maryse’s eyes were unusually soft, her hand squeezing Alec’s arm lightly. It was kind, Alec supposed, a small mercy. She had done something to make this easier on him, had even gone against Robert’s wishes just to grant Alec this small mercy. It was kind, and Alec was sure that he would feel much more thankful later, when he had overcome his shock. Right now, there was a more pressing matter, a question he had been asking himself since he had heard Bane’s name fall from his mother’s lips.

“Does dad know?”

Maryse shook her head.

“No. He thinks I insisted on Bane because he is the most influential Dom we could have chosen and because Bane agreed readily when we asked him. I think you two might be good for each other – he will care about you and you could probably keep him in check a little. He shouldn’t sleep around after your Bond anyways, but he is a warlock. You never know with warlocks.”

I wouldn’t mind at all if he slept around, Alec thought bitterly. The less he cares about me, the better. 

“Speaking of which,” Maryse said, straightening again, her formerly warm demeanour disappearing so quickly that Alec wasn’t sure if he hadn’t imagined it. “Robert told me to remind you of your training session with Delaney today. He said you have only two left and he wants to make them count. Don’t misbehave, Alec.”

And with that, she turned around and left as if nothing noteworthy had ever happened in the conversation of theirs. Alec was left to watch her leave, his thoughts a mess of questions and a sinking feeling in his stomach. Though he was grateful that his mother had tried to make the best out of the situation for him, what he knew about Bane worried him. If his father really approved of Bane even though he was male and if Bane had readily, happily agreed to the Bond, it could not mean anything good for Alec. If his father had been willing to _ignore_ all the reasons why Bane was a terrible choice, it meant that he at least thought that Bane would treat Alec ‘properly’. And that would most likely result in a lot of pain and humiliation on Alec’s part.

Alec was under no illusions in regard to what his father thought Subs should be treated like. Robert was of the opinion that Subs could only behave and function properly if they had a strict Dom who kept them in check, who made sure that they did not misstep, and that if they did, they would be punished accordingly. He was very traditional in that sense – a Sub should be under the total control of their Dom, and they should be aware of it, too.

None of that even halfway aligned with what Alec wished for in a Dom and Robert knew that. That was also the reason why he had introduced the training sessions with Delaney, which Alec had had to endure once a week ever since he had Presented. His father had wanted to make sure that Alec would at least be a proper, well-behaved Sub, if he had to be one at all. And apparently, the way to make sure of that were regular session with one of the Institute’s Doms, Delaney Scarsbury, who greatly enjoyed testing and pushing Alec’s limits.

Alec hated those sessions more than anything else he had ever hated in his life. He did not enjoy any of the things Delaney did to him on his father’s orders, since the sessions mostly focussed on either testing Alec’s pain tolerance – in preparation for his actual Dom – or of bringing him under forcefully, since that was apparently what he was supposed to do – go under for whoever wanted him to, be vulnerable in front of someone he did not trust at all. Delaney was usually the training master for the younger Shadowhunters, teaching them to fight properly, and back then, Alec had appreciated his determination to push them all to give their best, but in a scening context, Alec did not enjoy this dedication as much.

Alec had never been one to enjoy pain. Even back when everyone had thought he would present as a Dom, he had not liked the idea of inflicting pain on someone else at all. Hair-pulling or a few very soft slaps would have been the farthest he would have gone and now that he had presented as a Sub, his limits lay even lower. Truth was, Alec did not enjoy any type of pain whatsoever and if anything, pain made it harder for him to go under. That was the main reason he despised Delaney’s scenes so much – they never made him feel _good_ , only hurt and humiliated him.

He could only desperately hope that it wouldn’t be quite as bad with Bane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delaney is indeed the training master and also a character I know absolutely nothing about. Sorry if I did you wrong, Delaney, but I needed someone to be terrible to Alec.  
> What exactly those 'training sessions' with him entail, you will see in the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> List of Orientations:  
> Alec - Sub  
> Magnus - Dom  
> Izzy - Dom  
> Jace - Switch  
> Clary - Sub  
> Maryse - Switch  
> Robert - Dom  
> Delaney - Dom  
> Catarina - Dom  
> Camille - Dom
> 
> (Other characters may be added)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Description of a bad scene with general terrible etiquette right in the beginning. It’s not necessary for the understanding of the story (and not incredibly graphic) but for those who want to skip it, just start reading again after the line “Good boy.” Or simply after the first break (- - -). If you want more context to see what exactly happens before reading, please write it in a comment down below and I’ll answer!
> 
> Alec does not know that safewords exist (at least not yet) which makes this even worse. He has little understanding of a safe and consensual relationship/scene, since everything his family – mainly his father – ever taught him was abuse. This isn’t described graphically, but please do stay safe, nevertheless. 
> 
> Thank you all a lot for the kudos and comments, I cherish every single one of them!  
> Enjoy!

Alec’s hands were slowly beginning to grow numb. They had been tied behind his back for the better part of the session, though for how long exactly, he couldn’t tell. He was dressed only in loose sweatpants, kneeling on the cold stone floor, blindfolded and with his hands tied to his ankles.  
  
Behind him, he could hear Delaney shuffling around, preparing whatever he would use next to hurt him. Alec’s breath was coming in quick, short gasps, only barely hiding the fear of what Delaney was about to inflict on him now. His back was burning from the flogging he had received earlier, which had been, although short, brutal.

It wasn’t as if he were not used to pain – he encountered it in his daily life, he could take a lot and was able to fight even heavily injured, but this was something completely different. During battle or training, pain could be avoided and even if he got hurt, well, sometimes it was necessary or there simply was no other way. He didn’t even mind it, most of the time. Pain was something he was used to living with and while he most certainly did not _enjoy_ it, he could deal with it. Here, during a session, it was different.  
  
He hated everything Delaney did to him – there was no point in being hurt by him, it didn’t serve a _purpose_. Oh, it did to Delaney all right, after all pain was what would ‘discipline’ him, was what would ‘keep him in check’, but to Alec, it was unnecessary, and he loathed every second of it. It did not bring him down like it was apparently supposed to, it did not make him feel good. All it did was, well, hurt him. His back was throbbing, his knees and shins were aching, his head hurt and Alec did not want to find out what would come next, how he would be hurt now. 

Behind him, Delaney had stopped shuffling, apparently having found whatever he had been looking for. Alec held his breath. Despite his best efforts, he _was_ afraid, he feared what was to come because there was no way to escape it. Delaney could do whatever he damn well wanted, and he had made sure that Alec knew that, as well.  
  
There was nothing Alec could do or say to stop this, no magic word to make this pain, this torture, end. Alec could only hope that there would be no second flogging. He didn’t know whether he would be able to take another one, much less quietly, like he had been ordered to.

Delaney had picked up whatever he needed from the table loaded with tools behind him and Alec could hear him walking towards him, footsteps loud in the otherwise quiet room. The training master stopped close enough behind Alec that he could feel Delaney’s pant leg brush against his naked back. He shivered, a tiny, involuntary movement, but it made Delaney click his tongue in disapproval.  
  
A second later, Alec felt something hot drip on his left shoulder, burning him. He clenched his teeth, trying not to make a sound. A rough hand grabbed his hair, tipping his head forwards. 

__“Don’t move.”_ _

__Just seconds after the command, another of the burning drops fell on Alec’s shoulder, his right one this time. It hurt, although it was a pain that could be ignored quite quickly, since the drops were small. For the next few minutes, Delaney kept dripping hot wax (by now, Alec had figured out what it was and had only barely supressed a curse when he had done so) on both Alec’s shoulders, alternating between them.  
  
After the sixth or seventh drop, what had at first been an uncomfortable stinging pain became more of an actual burning sensation, when the training master steadily used more wax._ _

__After a couple minutes of this, Delaney stopped. Alec was clenching his hands so hard that his nails left strong imprints in his palms and he had to bite his tongue in order not to make a sound.  
  
Just as he thought that he could relax again, that this burning was finally over, he felt another drip of wax falling on his back, this time much lower, close to the marks the flogging had left._ _

__Alec hissed, a pained moan escaping just seconds later when Delaney tipped the candle at a different angle, letting a small river of wax fall onto the Shadowhunter back, partially trailing over the marks he had put there previously.  
  
Alec’s breath picked up in speed once more, his arms and shoulders now shaking slightly. He clenched his teeth, preparing for the next onslaught of pain. This time, the wax dripped on his lower back, trailing down and ending just short of his pants’ waistband. Just seconds later, another drop of wax landed on his back and then another one and another one for minutes on end, until it abruptly stopped. _ _

__By now, Alec was shaking slightly, his hands feeling now almost entirely numb, both from the bounds and from how hard he had been clenching them. The pain of the wax alone he could have endured, but that mixed with the pain from the flogging, the wax partially dripping into the marks, was too much.  
  
Alec had started whimpering quietly after a drop had landed on an especially sensitive spot on his back and had not been able to stop since, small little sounds forcing their way out of his throat even now, after the torture had ended._ _

__Behind him, Alec heard Delaney give a small laugh, sounding utterly amused. The tip of his shoe landed in Alec’s ribcage, nearly making him fall over. Delaney walked around Alec, looking down at him._ _

__“That too much for you?”_ _

__Alec nodded. It took effort to even move his head. He felt unbearably cold now that the heat of the liquid wax had disappeared, he was shivering on the stone floor, his shoulders shaking. A rough hand buried itself in Alec’s hair, forcing his head up, making him look up._ _

__“Should I untie you?”_ _

__Delaney was smiling, his grip tightening in Alec’s hair. It made it impossible for the younger Shadowhunter to nod, so he stammered out an affirmation as well as he could. His voice did not quite cooperate, trembling and quiet even in the empty room. Delany chuckled and wiped a tear from Alec’s face. When had he started crying?  
  
Delaney let go of his hair suddenly, making Alec’s head fall forwards, the younger Shadowhunter unable to support it. With another huff of laughter, Delaney walked around Alec once more, untying his hands and feet slowly. Then, he stepped in front of Alec again, giving him another mocking smile._ _

__“Did you enjoy that?”_ _

__Alec merely looked at him, unable to nod, like he knew he should. It was a question Delaney asked him at the end of every session, a question Alec maybe loathed more than the actual pain itself. It was humiliating and he felt even worse after answering every time, but he knew he had to, or Delaney would simply keep him here until he gave in.  
  
“Yes,” he whispered, his voice still quiet and shaky, reflecting his general state perfectly._ _

__Delaney’s eyes sparkled._ _

__“Yes, what?”_ _

__Alec licked his lips, avoiding his training master’s gaze. Everything hurt and he was still so, so cold._ _

__“Yes, Sir.”_ _

__Delaney smiled, bigger and broader than he had the whole session._ _

__“Good boy.”_ _

__\----_ _

__Alec had only barely made it to his room. After Delaney had let him leave, a bone-deep exhaustion had set in, like it usually did after their sessions. He had collapsed in his room, lying down on his bed still only clad in his sweatpants since he had not had the strength to put on a shirt. His back was bleeding slightly and every movement, no matter how small, resulted in searing pain. Alec groaned, burying his head in the pillow._ _

__He felt completely exhausted, and his head was hurting. He was still shivering. The cold that had come after Delaney had stopped with the wax play was still there, seeping into his bones and leaving him trembling and his teeth chattering.  
Everything hurt – his back was burning, his head was pounding, his knees ached from the time spent kneeling on the stone floor and his hands were still tingling from being bound behind his back. _ _

__Alec wanted to cry. This was what happened after every session – he would feel cold, completely drained and emotionally wrecked, not to mention the pain he would always be in. So far, all the sessions he had endured had left him feeling shaken and unstable for hours on end._ _

__Alec breathed in deeply and pushed himself off the bed, groaning as he did so. He made his way over to the bathroom slowly, locking the door behind him. He stripped with careful movements, stepping into the shower and turning the water on as hot as he could stand.  
  
The warm water helped with the tension in his muscles and slowly, Alec felt himself relax the slightest bit. He cleaned himself quickly, taking care of his back, scraping the wax off and then just stood under the spray of water, letting himself calm down. The warmth helped with his shivering, the cold slowly disappearing, as if it had been washed off and was now running down the drain. _ _

__After a couple more minutes of Alec collecting himself, he turned the shower off and stepped out, towelling down and putting on another pair of sweatpants before standing in front of the mirror, tuning so he could see his back.  
The flogging had not left as many marks as he had feared it would, since it had been relatively short, and Delaney had not hit _too_ hard. There was still some wax sticking to him and Alec scraped the rest off carefully, hissing whenever he accidentally touched one of the marks._ _

__If it was this bad with a Dom Robert had organised for him, a Dom who did not hold any actual power over him, how bad would it be with his Bonded Dom? How bad would it be with Magnus Bane? A Dom who was, at least according to the stories that were told about him, not only experimental but also imaginative when it came to the bedroom.  
On its own, this might not sound too bad, but coupled with the knowledge that Alec’s father had approved of Magnus even though he was both a warlock and a man, made it indefinitely worse._ _

_  
_Alec knew that his father was of the opinion he needed a firm hand to keep him in check, needed someone to show him that he was not in control, didn’t deserve any control simply because he was a Sub.  
And if Robert had approved of _Magnus Bane_ of all people, it meant that there must have been something his father liked in the man. Since Bane’s mere existence was something Robert would normally abhor – after all, he was a bisexual warlock, a Downworlder – Bane must have had redeeming qualities and due to the nature of their Bond, due to the reason why Alec was even to be Bonded to Bane, it wasn’t hard to guess what those qualities were._ _

__If Alec was right, and he was pretty damn sure he was, Bane’s preferences and sessions would be much, much worse than Delaney’s. And there wasn’t a single thing Alec could do about it.  
  
He knew that once Bonded, a Sub belonged to a Dom, and their well-being depended on the Dom. It was what Robert had taught him even before he had presented as a Sub. Once he was Bonded to Bane, the warlock would have the power to decide what happened to him and of course, he would be the one to lead their sessions, and thus, would have the power to hurt and treat Alec in any way he wanted to._ _

__Alec took a deep, shuddering breath. That was what he feared most about the Bonding – belonging to someone else, losing his autonomy, having to do whatever another person told him to. Although it was what he did in his job, it wasn’t quite the same - he listened to orders, yes, but he also gave them, there was a balance between giving and receiving, and in his job, he always had the option to decline, he still had the right to choose. In a Bond with Bane, he would have no choice but to obey._ _

__Alec gripped the bathroom sink, trying to force the tears that were threatening to spill back under control. It was no use, crying over something he could not change. He would be Bonded in five days and there was no way out.  
Everything he could do to escape this nightmare would result in others being hurt or punished and that was not something he could accept. If he could help keep his siblings and all the other Shadowhunters safe by agreeing to this Bond, he would do so._ _

__With another last deep breath, Alec straightened, and tended to his wounds before he finished dressing himself in a soft, loose t-shirt. He still felt completely and utterly exhausted and wanted nothing more than to simply fall into bed and sleep for the next eight hours.  
Luckily, everybody knew not to disturb him after a session, not even his siblings, and although Alec despised how it made him seem weak and vulnerable, he was grateful for the privacy it gave him. It meant that he could rest and sleep for as long as he wanted – something that was rather rare for him._ _

__Switching off the bathroom light as he went, Alec made his way to his door, locking it. If he was already about to get some rest, he could at least try to make it as undisturbed as possible. With that thought in mind, Alec laid down in bed, sighing softly. He was still hurting, his back was still burning, and his head was apparently trying to kill him, but that was nothing he wasn’t used to._ _

__And after all, he had only one more session with Delaney left. After that there would come Magnus Bane and maybe, just maybe things would be different with him. It was a silly wish, a childish one, Alec thought as he closed his eyes, but one could dream, after all._ _

__\----_ _

__The next few days passed in a blur. Alec spent most of his time training, fighting against either Izzy or Jace. He pushed himself harder than usually, partially because he wanted to forget about what was going to happen in a few days and partially because he did not know when he would next be allowed to train. For all he knew, his Dom would keep him at home for the next three months._ _

__To Alec’s disappointment, there were no missions at all in the five days he still had left, so he only had the training room to fight in and only his siblings as opponents.  
He didn’t know whether he would be allowed to bring his bow with him to Bane’s home and made sure to use it as often as possible, shooting at targets for hours on end.  
  
However, when he packed all the things he would be taking with him to Magnus… apartment? house? flat? – no one had actually told him where he would be living – no one said anything against him bringing his bow, in addition to a small collection of knives and his stele, obviously. At the very least there was now one thing he would not have to forcefully be parted from.  
  
The time Alec did not spend in the gym he spent avoiding his parents or talking to his siblings. He wanted to use every chance he got, since he didn’t know how long it would be until he would be allowed to see them again._ _

__At the moment, the three of them were sitting in the kitchen, eating yesterday’s leftovers and ignoring Alec’s immediate future as best as they could.  
Izzy was telling an exaggerated story of what had happened at the last party she had been to and Alec and Jace were pretending to listen, Jace only barely hiding a smirk._ _

__“You aren’t even listening to me, are you?”_ _

__Izzy had interrupted her story abruptly, throwing an accusatory look at her brothers. Jace shook his head, now grinning openly._ _

__“Nope, not even a little bit. Though that really shouldn’t surprise you anymore.”_ _

__Jace’s words were met with a swat against his arm and Izzy huffing a little before leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms._ _

__“Alec, are you okay?”_ _

__Alec looked up from where he had been staring at the table, meeting Izzy’s worried gaze._ _

__“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”_ _

__Jace scoffed. “Like hell you’re fine. Do you want to talk about it?”_ _

__Izzy’s gaze had softened, now more akin to understanding and pity than mock outrage. Alec felt his throat close up. He was going to miss this, simply sitting and talking to his siblings, simply _being_.  
He did not know when Bane would allow him to see them again or if he would even be allowed to see them directly after the three-month settling-in-period had ended. Some Doms were strict about that, Alec knew, wanting their Bonded Subs to cut all ties to their family and solely concentrate on their Dom and his wishes._ _

__For him, that wouldn’t be possible since Alec would still have his responsibilities as a Shadowhunter, Bonded or not. After the three initial months had ended, he would have to return to the Institute whether Bane wanted it or not, and that also meant that he would see his siblings again.  
Alec was eternally grateful for that – for one he couldn’t imagine not ever working again, not ever fighting again, and he also strongly doubted he could lead an even remotely happy life without his siblings._ _

__If he was really unlucky, Bane would not allow him to see or even write them during the first three months, which would make them even harder to endure than they already would be anyways, but at the very least, he would be allowed to see Izzy and Jace some day again after that period, even if just in battle or when training._ _

__“Just thinking about how I’m definitely not going to miss Izzy talking about hot boys in clubs,” said Alec, trying to smile a little._ _

__Izzy clicked her tongue and rewarded his efforts with a smile on her own._ _

__“As if you wouldn’t also like it when a cute boy tried to approach you.”_ _

__Alec nearly chocked on his spit. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was he really that obvious that not only his mother but also his siblings had caught on to his feelings? Jace simply gave him another grin, confirming Alec’s suspicion._ _

__“Don’t look so surprised – you’re not the best at hiding things. It’s no problem for us, don’t worry about it. Though I am a little hurt that I will now have two of you talking about boys around me and no one I can admire girls with. But well, at least this could possibly make the whole Bane-situation a bit less terrible, no? Now you’ve at least got a chance of being attracted to him.”_ _

__“Jace!” Izzy hissed, hitting his arm with a little more force than strictly necessary. “That’s not something to joke about! But it really _is_ okay, Alec. We don't see you any differently just because you like men. Even if Jace's approach to this situation is a terrible one.”_ _

__“What?” asked Jace, rubbing his arm with an exaggerated grimace, “I’m just saying that this whole ordeal will probably be a bit better if it’s at least someone Alec could in theory find attractive!”_ _

__Alec sighed. “Funny you’d mention that. Mum said something similar. She was the one who chose Bane for me, you know? Thought we’d fit well together. But whatever redeeming qualities he might have, how _attractive_ I might find him doesn’t really matter. After all, dad also approved of him, despite of all the reasons why he definitely shouldn’t. And you both know what dad thinks a good Dom is like to their Sub.”_ _

__Now, Jace really did grimace. Izzy sighed, her hands forming loose fists on the table._ _

__“Dad has terribly outdated views and from what I’ve heard, Bane’s is pretty forward-thinking. It might not be as bad as you think, Alec.”_ _

__It was a small comfort, and they all knew it. Of course, there was the abysmally small possibility that Bane actually would end up being a halfway decent guy, but the chances were incredibly slim.  
  
After all, he was a warlock, a pretty influential one at that, and therefore he wouldn’t lose face in the Downworlder community even if he mistreated his Sub. And next to the obvious argument of Bane’s methods being the main reason why Robert had agreed to the Bond, this was the other factor that made Alec fear that Bane would not at all be kind or even gentle with him – he was a Downworlder._ _

__A Downworlder, who had been disrespected and mocked by Shadowhunters for centuries, _including Alec’s family_. If Bane in any way still harboured any ill feelings towards the Lightwoods for that - and it was very likely that he did - it would not be too far a reach to say that he was probably excited to have a chance of getting back at the Shadowhunters for their mistreatment, even if it was just via hurting one singular Shadowhunter.  
One Shadowhunter, with whom he could do literally anything he wanted, without any repercussions. _ _

__Alec did not mention that train of thought to his siblings. There was no point in upsetting them even further. Instead, he nodded, offering what he hoped was a convincing enough smile._ _

__“Maybe you’re right. I will just have to wait to find out – after all, I can’t really do anything else.”_ _

__And then, to lighten the mood a little, to distract himself as much as his siblings, and also because he couldn’t stand seeing his sibling so sad and tense any longer:_ _

__“Didn’t you say something about experimenting with some make-up earlier, Izzy? I want to look at least somewhat presentable on my Bonding day.”_ _

__Izzy’s broad smile and Jace’s horrified expression nearly made up for the trouble Alec had just gotten himself into._ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Delaney tells Alec some ‘rules’ about how to behave with Magnus, which are of course not good rules. Nothing even remotely graphic, but there is the mention of sex. Delaney basically tells him that he has to do whatever Magnus wants, which includes everything sexual, which would make these activities rape as Alec would not actually consent to them or be into it.
> 
> Again, nothing graphic, but if you want a more detailed warning, drop a comment and I’ll gladly inform you.
> 
> Enjoy!

Time had passed quicker than Alec had realised. It was now Friday, meaning that he only had two days left before he would be Bonded for life. The past few days had either been filled with him preparing for the ceremony and Bonding itself or with making the most of the time he still got to spend with his siblings. Alec’s things were already packed, not that he had much. Currently, it was one bag of clothes and one bag of weapons, books and general necessities and that was it. He had never been one to own more than necessary and therefore, it was relatively easy to pack his life into two bags to be shipped away with him to an unknown place.

Alec was going through his room once more just to have something to do, anything at all to stop the nervousness, the anxiety from taking hold, when it knocked at his door. It wasn’t Jace’s precise, quick knock nor Izzy’s simply storming into the room and it made Alec pause. The door opened a second later, revealing Alec’s father.

Alec frowned. Why would his father come to him? Normally, if his parents wanted something from him, they would meet in the study or somewhere else around the Institute but never in his private quarters. For a short, wild second, Alec thought that maybe Robert had come to apologise for the situation he had put him in, or to offer reassurances to the son he was about to lose.

It was a crazy thought, an unreasonable one and it disappeared as soon as Alec saw the look on his father’s face. He knew what Robert wanted even before he had opened his mouth. His father always wore the same almost disgusted expression, mixed with a little pity when he told Alec that he had to attend another session with Delaney, and this time was no exception. 

“Your last session will be in half an hour. I want you to be on your best behaviour today and I will hear if you aren’t. This is your last chance to practice before Bane and you will not mess it up. Understood?”

Alec nodded, fighting hard to hide another frown. His father had never come to him before a session, and he couldn’t help but feel that this meant that this last one would possibly be worse than every other he had ever had.

Robert nodded as well, clasping his hands together in a satisfied gesture.

“Very well. I’ll see you tomorrow. Prepare accordingly and do not embarrass me tomorrow. We have already arranged everything with Bane – he will come for the duration of the ceremony, which should not last longer than an hour and afterwards, you will go to his home with him. I do not want to hear from you for at least two weeks after tomorrow – you should focus on your Dom and your Dom alone. Bane will arrive tomorrow at five o’clock. Don’t be late and don’t embarrass us. Delaney will tell you what to do and how to act.”  
With that, his father turned around, already halfway through the doorway when he looked back at Alec. For a second, he hesitated, seemingly wanting to say something more, but with a small headshake, Robert turned back around and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Alec sat down heavily on his bed. All of this had come so much faster than he had anticipated, and he had not even had half the time he felt he needed to prepare. He felt slightly sick. Not only would tomorrow literally bring an end to his life as he knew it, no, he also had to go to another session with Delaney in less than half an hour. And judging from the way Robert had spoken about it, this was going to be much, much worse than the last ones had been. 

Alec breathed in deeply, releasing the air slowly. It would lead to nothing, this worrying. He would find out soon enough what Delaney had in store for him. And, he reasoned, realistically it could not be too brutal or leave any marks, really, since he would have to be presentable and healed for Bane tomorrow. Ready to be marked up by someone new, seemingly untouched.

With that thought in mind, Alec pushed himself off the bed again, too restless to simply be sitting still. He would occupy himself by looking for the softest clothes he could find to wear for the session - a small comfort, but comfort, nevertheless.

\---

Delaney was already waiting for him in the usual room they used for their sessions, but different than usual, he did not order Alec to take his shirt off and kneel in the middle of the room – something that usually started ever single of their scenes. 

Instead, he told Alec to simply remain where he was, standing close to the wall and went over to him, positioning himself directly in front of the Shadowhunter. He made sure that Alec was looking at him before he spoke, his eyes never leaving Alec’s.

“Today, we will not actually play. This is your last session and I can’t afford to waste it, nor can you afford to be even a little hurt when Bane picks you up tomorrow. Have you healed all your wounds?”

Alec nodded. He always used a healing rune after every session to help his injuries heal faster. It would be dangerous and stupid not to do so, since they meant that he performed worse during combat and they could possibly endanger him in a fight.

“I assume you use a healing rune, which you will of course not be able to do when Bane marks or hurts you. He can do what he wants with your body and if he wants to mark you, you will let him and will not remove the mark. In general, you will listen to what he says and will follow his rules. As I’m sure you already know, we’ll hear about it if you disobey him and that means not only punishment from him, but also from us. Ours will of course not be as physical as his will be, but rather more… emotional. We can’t always guarantee that it will be possible to fight with your siblings, after all, if you understand me.”

Alec did understand and he was only barely keeping his anger contained. So not only would he be hurt by Bane if he did something the Dom viewed as a misstep, but he would also be punished by the other Shadowhunters by being kept from seeing his siblings. Great, just great. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Delaney continued, talking smoothly as if the threat he had just voiced didn’t even exist.

“By now, you know the basics and you know how to take pain without complaining. You will obey Bane even more than you did me, so that means no delayed answers or zoning out with him. You take what he gives you and you react the way he wants you to. That also applies for the sexual side of your Bond, of course.”

Alec looked up sharply, his breath suddenly catching in his throat.

He had not given a single thought to the fact that it was expected that Bane would sleep with him. All his sessions with Delaney had been entirely non-sexual because he needed to be ‘pure’ and ‘untouched’ for Bane, he knew that, but somehow, he had managed to avoid thinking about what that would mean for him for when he actually lived with the warlock.

Alec felt a wave of disgust roll over him. The thought of sex had never really appealed to him, not even when imagining himself sleeping with a man after he had discovered that he was gay. The whole ordeal seemed messy to him and unnecessary, more uncomfortable than appealing. Naively, he had thought that he could somehow get away with not sleeping with anyone ever and had conveniently forgotten that this would be part of his Bond with Bane, too. The idea of sleeping with the warlock made him feel sick to his stomach, even more so than the thought of having to endure everything Bane wanted to do with him during a scene. 

Delaney continued speaking, unaware of the onslaught of negative emotions Alec was currently enduring.

“That means that you do what he says and do it how, when and where he wants to. His pleasure comes before yours - if he allows you any pleasure at all. If you have sex outside a scene, you will submit to him and fulfil his wishes as if it were a scene. It doesn’t matter what time it is, where you are or who might be watching – you do what he wants. Is that clear?”

Alec felt like he was going to throw up right then and there. The thought of having sex was uncomfortable enough on its own, but thinking about sleeping with Bane somewhere else than Bane’s home, or _with someone watching_ , as Delaney had implied could happen, made him feel sick to his stomach. Was there always going to be something else that would make being Bonded to Bane even worse than he had previously assumed it would be?

Gathering as much of his composure as he could, Alec managed a quick, short nod, avoiding the training master’s eyes. Luckily, Delaney seemed satisfied with his response and took a step backwards, waving his hand in Alec’s direction as a clear sign that he was now dismissed.

“Good. Remember what I just told you and what happens if you do not comply. I assume Bane will probably use similar implements as I do or help himself with his _magic_ ,” this word, Delaney nearly spat out, “so at least you sometimes know now what to prepare for and how to look after the wounds. You can still use smaller healing runes to lessen the pain, just do not remove the marks unless Bane specifically tells you to. You’ll figure out on your own if there’s anything you can do if he uses his magic. I’ve heard that warlocks can inflict a lot of pain with it, and I’ve always wondered where their limits lie, or if they even have any when it comes to magic. Be sure to tell me one day, when he lets you come over. I’d really love to know.”

Alec gave a last, final nod, turning on his heels, only barely managing to leave the room without running. If he wasn’t careful, he really _would_ be sick.  
The people he passed in the hallways shot him confused, concerned looks but he ignored them, walking to his room as quickly as possible. He wanted nothing more than to cry. Alone, if at all possible.

He made it into his room without anyone approaching him, thankfully, and shut the door with a bang. This time, Alec did not even have the strength to walk to his bed or even the chair, but simply collapsed right where he was, leaning his back against the door. For a few minutes, he simply sat there, breathing in deeply and trying to keep the nausea at bay.  
Sex. Sex was a thing that would be expected of him, something that he would have to endure additionally to the scenes, the magic, another aspect of his life which Magnus Bane would have total control over. Alec wanted to cry. 

There was the off-chance that sex would not play a big part in their relationship – Alec had heard of couples that were happy to mostly scene and achieved their intimacy and satisfaction that way – but Alec doubted it. If there was one thing Magnus Bane was known for it was his promiscuity, both in a Dom/Sub-context but also simply in regard to sex. Alec highly doubted that _Bane_ of all people would be one to be satisfied just by scening and would not want or expect Alec to sleep with him. 

Alec buried his head in his hands. How, _how_ had he managed to forget that part? Just because he himself wanted nothing at all to do with sex right now, it didn’t mean that everyone else also felt that way or would understand. Least of all Magnus Bane. After all, the warlock would have a right to Alec’s body as well as his submission as soon as they were Bonded. It was what a Bond did, give the Dom control over a Subs needs, wants and wishes. 

The door in Alec’s back moved suddenly, hitting his back uncomfortably. Alec quickly got up, running a hand through his hair in an effort to appear at least somewhat presentable. As soon as Alec was no longer blocking the doorway, the door sprung open, revealing Izzy, who somehow managed to look authoritative even with worry written all over her face.

“I was told that you looked white as a sheet and practically staggered down the corridor after your session with Delaney. Are you alright?”

Alec nodded tiredly, inviting Izzy with a gesture of his hand to sit down on his bed. His sister did so, watching him closely, waiting for an answer.

“I’m fine,” said Alec, an automatic response, before he broke off. He wasn’t fine. There was nothing about this whole situation that was _fine_ , nothing at all.

“I can’t sleep with him,” he blurted out, helplessly, “I can’t Izzy, I simply can’t.”

Izzy nodded, face serious, but something akin to understanding and sympathy in her eyes.

“Then don’t,” she said, making it sound terribly easy, as if that were possible, as if that were something Alec could actually do and not just the epitome of wishful thinking.  
Apparently, some of Alec’s thoughts had shown on his face because Izzy continued, still looking intently at her brother.

“Our parents and Delaney might still think that sex is something you owe your Dom or that it’s something he can demand whenever he feels like it. That’s bullshit, Alec. We don’t live in the middle ages anymore; you’ve got the right to say no to him. You can say no any time he asks, and if he doesn’t ask, defend yourself. He has to respect you and if there is even one instance where he doesn’t, you can tell me or Jace and we will take care of it.”

Izzy’s voice hardened, and she had that look in her eyes that she usually only got when she was preparing for battle. Alec didn’t doubt for even one second that terrible things would happen to Magnus Bane if his sister ever got wind of him mistreating Alec.  
“I know that among us Shadowhunters, Subs are still seen as weaker and we think that they have to be under a Dom’s control in order to basically function at all. The mundanes are way more forward-thinking in that regard and I hope that we’ll also get a move on and adopt that way of thinking soon.”

Izzy sighed, continuing. “What I want to say is that officially, in the eyes of our parents and probably in Bane’s as well, you are beneath him. He will command you and he will decide how your scenes will go and what the two of you do. But you don’t have to submit to him with everything. Sex especially is an area in which you should never be ordered around against your will or be made to do something you don’t want to. He has no right to sleep with you if you don’t want to, and if you never want to, that’s his problem. If he ever oversteps any of your boundaries - and that applies to scening as well - and if for some reason you can’t defend yourself, you tell either me or Jace and we will make sure he never does it again.”

Alec had rarely seen his sister so passionate, so frightening. She seemed to take up more room, seemed even more intimidating than usual and that was saying something. What she had just told him were things he had personally thought of many times already and hearing them from someone else’s mouth, hearing his thoughts be confirmed felt better than he could put into words.

He settled for a quiet, honest “Thank you, Izzy,” hoping that his sister would be able to pick up on everything he was not able to say.

In typical Isabelle-fashion she did, accepting his words with a smile and a small headshake. 

“You’re welcome, big brother.”

She got up, walking towards Alec and put her arms around him gently, pressing him closer to her.

“I love you, Alec. It will be alright, I promise.”

Alec nodded, holding her a little tighter. Her words did not feel like a lie.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec will finally meet Magnus in the next chapter (which is why this one was so short)! Whoo! I hope you enjoyed this one 😊
> 
> Also, just out of curiosity - this entire story is written from Alec's point of view. Would any of you be interested in seeing it from Magnus's POV as well, once this is finished?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you to everyone who has commented so far, I read and cherish every single comment!

On Sunday, Alec was awake before the sun had risen. He was at the gym before most other Shadowhunters were even awake and had been shooting arrows for an hour before he was first joined by someone. Alec did not look up when he heard the door open, to concentrated on shooting his second to last arrow. He wanted to get this done and then leave, not in the mood for forced conversation with any of the other Shadowhunters.

After having shot the last arrow he turned around only to see Jace leaning against the wall, watching him appreciatively.

“You’re still amazing with the bow.”

Alec shrugged, a half-smile forming on his face. He knew he was good but a compliment, especially from Jace, never hurt.

“Do you want to talk?”

At that, Alec’s eyebrows shot up. Jace was usually the least person to talk about feelings and he looked uncomfortable even now, after having offered. But to his credit, he didn’t take back his offer, merely watched Alec, waiting for an answer.

For a moment, Alec considered it. Then, he shook his head. He did not even want to _think_ about what was going to happen in just a few hours, much less talk about it. Jace seemed happy enough with his answer, giving Alec a small smile and a shrug, and pushed himself off the wall.

“You want to fight?”

That was a question much easier to answer.

“Obviously.”

Jace grinned at him and Alec found himself smiling back, an honest smile for the first time in what felt like weeks. Without warning, Jace launched at him, an attack Alec easily dodged with a small huff of amusement. Looking up, he found Jace grinning even broader and after that, everything was a dance of limbs and fluid motions being carried out with practiced ease. 

Alec found that he was enjoying himself more than he had thought he would. It had been too long since he had fought against someone and not just trained alone, and he liked the added challenge. He loved sparring with Jace – even though each one knew the other through and through, they still somehow managed to surprise each other. Their fight lasted longer than usually, but in the end, Alec found himself lying on his back, pressed hard against the floor and with just enough air in his lungs to let out a small sigh of defeat. Jace’s eyes were sparkling as he helped his brother up and his facial expression was entirely too smug for Alec’s liking. He gave him a small shove, rolling his eyes at the resulting laughter and went to grab his water bottle.

“You were just lucky,” he said between gulps of water, “I’ll kick your ass next time.”

Jace smirked.

“Tell that to yourself all you like. One day you’ll accept that I’m simply better.”

For that statement, Jace had to dodge a flying water bottle.

\--- 

The two of them were still playfully bickering on their way out of the training room when they heard the hasty click-clack of high heels coming in their direction. Alec had just enough time to throw Jace an alarmed look before Maryse came around the corner, her face pinched and angry. Upon seeing them sweaty and exhausted from their workout, her face darkened even more.

“Do you have _any idea_ what time it is?” she snapped, grabbing Alec’s arm as she spoke, “or were you so preoccupied with training that you forgot that this is the day of your Bonding and you’re supposed to look presentable and be ready in _less than two hours_?”

Alec froze. His Bond to Bane would happen in the afternoon, just after midday. Had he really been in the gym for that long? He hadn’t even noticed time fly by that quickly and from the surprised look on Jace’s face, neither had his brother. Maryse tugged at his arm, making him stumble forward a little, caught unaware.

“Go shower, _now_. You still have to dress and get ready afterwards and I’d appreciate it if you did not come to your own Bonding ceremony late.”

Alec nodded, thrown by the sudden change in events. The happy, light-hearted atmosphere had disappeared abruptly, leaving shock and fear behind. He wasn’t ready, he thought. He would never be ready, and especially not in just two hours.

With one last, sharp look at both her sons, Maryse walked away, leaving Alec and Jace to stand in the middle of the corridor. Jace threw his brother a worried, soft look.

“You alright?”

It was a stupid, unnecessary question and judging from Jace’s wince, the blonde knew it, too. Alec simply nodded.

“Yes. I’ll… I’ll just go shower now; I think. Mum’s right – I should get ready soon.”

Jace nodded, a kind look on his face. He took Alec’s arm just like Maryse had done minutes ago, but his grip was gentler, more reassuring than warning, so different from what his mother’s had been. 

“It will be alright,” said Jace, an unusual softness in his voice, “believe me, Alec, it will be alright. I’ve looked him up, talked to people who know him, and it seems that Bane is a nice enough guy, even for a Downworlder. And if it turns out that he isn’t, you can protect yourself. You’re one of the best fighters I’ve ever seen and remember, you’ve still got us. If there is any problem at all, if he does anything you don’t like, you can tell me and Izzy and we will take care of it. We’d even include you,” he said, now with a little more humour, “but just because it’d be absolutely glorious to see you kick his ass.”

Alec managed a small, honest smile, touched. Of course he knew that his siblings cared about him, loved him, but hearing them say it out loud in such a manner - especially with Jace, who was usually less than forthcoming with his emotions – made him feel vulnerable in a completely different way. It was touching and reassuring to see that they loved him, enough to try and take out a warlock, if necessary.

“Thank you,” said Alec, unable to say anything more over his throat closing up.

Instead, he put his arms around Jace, much like Izzy had done with him yesterday, and simply held on to his brother.

No matter what magnus Bane would take away from him, Alec thought, at least he would always have this.

\-- 

A long, hot shower later, Alec was sitting on his chair, enduring Izzy poking and stabbing his face with brushes. Alec wished he could have said that he had calmed down a little, but the opposite was the case – his heart felt like it was just about to beat out of his chest and with every passing second, he felt a bit more nauseous. 

At least, Izzy was almost done, Alec figured. She was now spraying his face with something that was supposed to ensure that his make-up would last longer. Apparently satisfied with the results, his sister took a step back and let Alec examine his face in the mirror. He didn’t exactly know what she had done, but even he could see that he looked a lot more alive than usual and less like he hadn’t seen the sun in the last five years.

“You look good,” observed Izzy, obviously satisfied with the results as well, “if Bane doesn’t see that, he’s an idiot.”

“If he doesn’t appreciate your make-up skills, this Bond is doomed from the start,” said Alec with a half-grin, startling a laugh from his sister.

After a last critical look, Izzy took a step back and nodded.

“I’m done with your face. I think you can put on your suit now. I’ll wait right here.”

With a sigh, Alec stood up from the chair and went to his closet, taking out the suit his parents had bought him specifically for today. It was pristine white, without a single wrinkle and Alec had hated it from the moment he had seen it. It was supposed to represent his purity, his mother had said when she had handed it to him, show Bane and the world that he had not yet been touched, was going into this Bond ‘untainted’, a special bonus for his Dom.

Never before in his life had Alec wanted to set something on fire so much. He took the suit into the bathroom where he dressed himself quickly, running a hand through his hair to get it under control as much as possible. He looked good, Alec had to admit, and he hated it.

He did not want to look appealing to Magnus Bane, he did not want to appear ‘untouched’ and ‘innocent’, he simply did not want to have anything to do with this at all. But he had no choice. He had agreed to this and he had to go through with the Bond, whether he liked it or not.

Alec straightened at that thought, determination settling in. He was going to be Bonded in less than an hour and it was going to be fine. He was going to survive whatever was to come, because he had to, because he _could_. He was a Shadowhunter, he had led the Institute, he had faced much more dangerous challenges than a Bond. How bad could it be?

Whatever was going to happen, Alec thought with a last look in the mirror, he would be able to take it.

When he exited the bathroom, Izzy practically shot up from her chair, a wide smile on her lips. She stepped up to him, fixing a strand of hair that had fallen into his face and then gave him a quick one-over, seemingly satisfied.

“You look good, Alec,” she said, “you really do. Just judging from looks alone, Bane is one lucky bastard to have you.”

That earned her a light punch against her arm, as well as a laugh. Part of Alec’s discomfort disappeared at his sister’s teasing words, the familiarity of joking around with her easing his nerves a little.

“We probably should get going,” he said, offering her his arm in an exaggerated gesture of politeness. She accepted with a small curtsy, and together they left Alec’s room. Alec couldn’t help a quick look back as they walked down the corridor. This was probably the last time he was going to see his rooms for a long time, if not forever. Who knew when Magnus Bane would allow him to come back to the Institute, if ever?

With every step they took towards the hall in which the Bonding ceremony would take place, the more nervous became Alec. All of the calm that had come when he had joked around with Izzy had disappeared and he was suddenly left a nervous mess, his palms sweating and his heart feeling as if it were about to jump out of his throat any second. Izzy must have noticed because she patted his arm, running her hand over it in a soothing gesture.

“It will be alright,” she whispered, careful not to let the other Shadowhunters passing by hear her, “you will be alright. Remember, you’re strong, and you’re _not_ alone. You always have me and Jace and we will do our best to protect you as well as we can. We’ll try and visit as often as possible, alright? You’re not alone, Alec, and you’re strong. You will be alright; I believe in you.”

Alec nodded, forcing himself to breathe in deeply. She was right. He was very much able to defend himself, he knew that he could take a lot, probably most of what Magnus Bane wanted to give him, and if there ever came a point where he couldn’t, he could always come to his siblings. He was going to be fine.

Everything was going to be fine.

Izzy squeezed his arm again and with a final nod, the two of them pushed open the doors, entering the hall.

The first person Alec saw was Jace, who had been watching the doors closely, obviously waiting for his siblings to arrive. Standing next to him was Max, a nervous smile on his face, although he gave his best to hide his nervousness by giving Alec a thumbs-up, which Alec returned with a small smile. Next to Max were Robert and Maryse, both dressed impeccably and looking rather impatient, Alec noticed.

Alec’s gaze trailed over the few Shadowhunters who had gathered, most of them watching him curiously. A few were whispering amongst each other and Alec tried to ignore them to his best abilities. He was feeling bad enough as it was, he really did not need more gossip about him and the Bond he was about to enter.

And at the end of the hall net to a small podium that seemed like a laughable imitation of an altar, there were standing a man and a woman, both warlocks, both looking straight at Alec. As soon as the woman saw Alec looking in their direction, she bent and whispered something in the man’s – in _Bane’s_ \- ear, before stepping aside, joining the Shadowhunters who were now all watching Alec.

Next to him, Alec could feel Izzy move, whispering something in his ear.

“That was Catarina Loss, one of Magnus’s closest friends. She’s a warlock as well.”

Alec nodded; eyes locked on the man at the far end of the hall. His hands were really beginning to sweat now, he noted absent-mindedly. At least the warlock didn’t seem too disappointed at seeing him, Alec thought. He gave Alec a quick once-over before his eyes returned to his face, the Dom’s own face mostly void of emotion from what Alec could tell. Alec swallowed heavily.

The next moment, Alec’s head snapped to the side as he felt Izzy step away from him, squeezing his arm one last time in a gesture of reassurance. Robert took her place, placing his hand heavily on Alec’s arm, and together, the two of them began to walk towards Magnus Bane at the end of the hall, the onlooking Shadowhunters making room for them as they went by.

Alec knew what was going to happen and he was dreading it. He had been walked through the process of the ceremony more times than he could count in the past few days, both by his parents and Delaney. But the knowledge of what was going to happen didn’t make bearing it any easier.

It was going to be humiliating, because apparently, it wasn’t enough to make Alec sign his life away to an unknown Dom, no, he also had to be embarrassed in front of half the Institute while doing so. Once they had reached Bane - who was wearing the traditional black suit, a stark contrast to Alec’s white one - the both of them would say the traditional words, Alec’s a promise to obey his Dom and Bane’s a promise to take care of his Sub (the Dom’s traditional words still wanted to make Alec simultaneously laugh in amusement and also punch something for how pretentious and fake they were).

Then, Alec was going to kneel in front of him, to truly show his submission to his new Dom. To end the ceremony, Bane would put his hands around Alec’s throat as a symbolic collar, to really drive the point across. Bane would probably squeeze his throat a little, Alec thought with a hint of bitter amusement, choke him a little maybe, just to really show Alec who the one in power was.

Great. Alec could hardly wait to be seen during all of this not only by the other Shadowhunters, but also by his family.

Looking up, Alec realised that they were far closer to where Bane was standing than he had anticipated. Alec felt his heartbeat pick up in speed and almost simultaneously, Robert’s grip tightened on his arm, a clear warning not to mess this up. Alec wished he could have thrown his father an annoyed look, but since this wasn’t something he would do even under regular circumstances, he sure was not going to start right now, two- no, one, step away from his future Dom.

Robert let go of Alec’s arm, and walked behind the podium, positioning himself behind him and Bane, like a terrible imitation of a priest at a wedding. Alec tore his eyes away from his father and faced Bane, seeing the man up close for the first time. He looked younger than Alec had assumed he would. He was also shorter than Alec, and he was _smiling_ for some unknown reason Alec didn’t understand and didn’t much care about. Bane was wearing a lot of make-up, Alec noticed, glittery eyeshadow and a smudge of dark purple lipstick, a far cry from Alec’s own, very subtle one. It was far from what Alec had imagined but it suited him, somehow.

“Well, hello there,” Bane said, just loud enough for Alec to hear.

The warlock sounded relaxed and comfortable, not at all like he was going to either scream or run away any minute, which was precisely what Alec was feeling at the moment. Alec gave a short, clipped nod in response, his throat too dry to actually say anything. Luckily, he was saved from answering by his father, who cleared his throat.

“I am honoured to announce that today, we will secure the peace between the Shadowhunters and the Downworlders. My son, Alexander Lightwood, will be Bonded to Magnus Bane as a union between the two sides. May they have a fulfilling, life-long Bond and may our two sides work together in friendship and peace from now on!”

It was a short speech, not a single word more than necessary but Alec could hear how much his father disliked saying the words. To everyone else, they would sound perfectly normal, if a bit flat, but Alec was good a picking up on his family’s hidden emotions, and Robert was obviously not happy. To have his oldest son be Bonded to a warlock was probably not quite what Robert had imagined his life to look like. Well, if it mattered to anyone, it also wasn’t quite what _Alec_ had imagined his life to be like.

“They will now say the traditional words to swear each other loyalty and devotion, to show that they will act as one from now on. Alec, you may begin.”

Alec swallowed heavily. His throat was parched and when he opened his mouth, at first no sound would come out. He shifted his head slightly, eyes frantically searching for a sympathetic face, anything to help him out of the state of panic he was slowly working himself up to, when his gaze fell on Bane’s face. The warlock was standing calmly in front of him, keeping a respectful distance and he looked neither angry nor embarrassed by Alec’s silence.

No, instead he looked understanding, _kind_ even, and the surprising lack of negative emotions on his Dom’s face made Alec calm down a little. He cleared his throat and began, voice shaking only slightly as he recited the words that had been drilled into him for the past days.

“I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, eldest son of Maryse and Robert Lightwood, hereby swear my loyalty to Magnus Bane. I accept him as my Dom and will therefore adhere to his wishes. I will… I will serve him and do as he thinks is best, for he is my Dom and it is my- it is my duty to serve him. I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, am honoured to accept Magnus Bane as my Dom and will do my part to ensure this Bond grows in both love and experience.”

During his speech, Alec’s eyes had shifted, now focussing on a point somewhere above the warlock’s shoulder rather than looking him directly in the eyes. Then, Bane began to speak and Alec closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself.

“I, Magnus Bane, High warlock of Brooklyn, hereby swear my loyalty to Alexander Gideon Lightwood. I accept him as my Sub and will tend to his needs and look after him. I will order him and take care of him in doing so, for he is my Sub and it is my duty to protect him. I, Magnus Bane, am honoured to accept Alexander Gideon Lightwood as my Sub and will do my part to ensure this Bond grows in both love and experience.”

Alec felt like he was going to be ill. Bane’s words angered him, for they were a lie, even more so than his own, maybe. Bane didn’t have a single obligation towards him and he sure as hell would not ‘order him to protect him’, but only to force Alec to do whatever he wanted. And it was his right, Alec thought bitterly, since they were Bonded now, it was Bane’s right to do with him whatever he wanted and there wasn’t one single thing Alec could do to prevent it.

“To show the mutual respect and willingness in this Bond,” interrupted his father’s voice, “Magnus Bane will now symbolically collar Alexander Lightwood. Alec, please kneel.”

Alec did as asked - ordered – and knelt before Bane, exposing his neck and casting his eyes down. One of the onlooking Shadowhunters gave a whistle and Alec clenched his fists in his lap until his knuckles were white. After a second of humiliating, terrible waiting, Alec felt soft fingers tilt his head back slightly and then two hands closed around his throat. He sucked in a breath, expecting the warlock’s hands to tighten, but Bane’s hands remained gentle. They lay limp against his throat, not an ounce of pressure in their grip.

“I now proclaim you Dom and Sub,” Alec heard his father’s voice boom from above, “may you have a fulfilling and live-long Bond!”

At those words, Alec tipped his head back as well as he could with Bane’s hands still around his neck, baring his throat in one last gesture of submission. For a fleeting second, he felt Bane stroke his neck gently and he shuddered, before the other man withdrew his hands, the signal that this part of the ceremony was now over.

Alec rose to his feet immediately, his stance a little wobbly and heart racing. He let Bane take his hands, as custom directed, and turned to their audience, bowing simultaneously with Bane. As he came up again, Alec took a deep breath, chasing away the phantom feeling of hands against his neck.

That was it. He was Bonded now.

Alec threw a quick glance at Bane only to find that the Dom was watching him already with a small frown on his face. Alec looked away quickly, berating himself. How had he already messed up? He had known the man for maybe ten minutes now, hadn’t even so much as said a word to him except for his vows and had somehow already managed to displease his Dom. Great, thought Alec numbly, what an amazing way to start their Bond.

Behind him, his father took a step forward, spreading his arms and announcing that the festivities would now begin. Then, Robert stepped away from Alec and Bane, not even glancing at his son as he made his way towards Maryse.

“Shall we join the others?”

Alec’s head whipped around at Bane’s words. They were formulated as a question, a polite one, even, but Alec knew that it was probably an only barely disguised order. Unable to bring himself to answer verbally, he simply nodded, hoping that that would be enough for Bane. To his surprise, the Dom gave him a broad smile in response and let go of Alec’s hand, making his way towards the woman from earlier – Catarina Loss, Alec thought – swiftly. Alec quickly looked around the room, trying to find Izzy or Jace but saw neither. With a small sigh, he followed his Dom, internally preparing for what was surely about to be a rather unpleasant conversation.

Catarina smiled at him as he approached, turning partially away from Magnus in order to greet Alec with a warm, firm handshake.

“Hello, Alexander. I’m Catarina Loss, one of Magnus’ closest friends, as you may know. I’m happy to get to know you in person – I’ve heard many positive things about you.” Her smile was open and welcoming, and Alec found himself hesitantly returning it. “It was a beautiful ceremony. I’m afraid I can’t stay, since I’ve still got a shift today, but it is nice getting to see you.”

Alec nodded, a bit dumfounded by Catarina’s warm, welcoming personality. He had expected judgement or hesitation, not whatever this was. Still, he wouldn’t complain – this was much better than how he had assumed Bane’s other warlock friends would behave towards him.

“Thank you for coming,” he said, voice much more confident than he felt like, “I appreciate it. It was nice getting to know you, as well.”

Catarina smiled at that, shaking Alec’s hand a second time, before she turned around to Bane and kissed him on the cheek. “I really do have to go. Promise to call me next week, yes?”

Bane nodded, a smile stretched across his lips. “How could I ever forget you, Catarina, my love?”

At that, the other warlock rolled her eyes before giving Alec a last, small smile and disappearing into the crowd. Now, Alec and Bane – who Alec really should start addressing with his first name – were alone. The realisation made an uncomfortable sensation spread in his stomach and Alec had to force himself not to scan the crowd in search of his siblings, but rather look at Bane, who was watching him curiously.

“Nice to finally get to know you,” the Dom said, small grin on his lips, “just like Cat I’ve heard a lot about you. But I find that none of the stories quite compare to the real thing.”

At that, Alec flushed, shifting a little. Bane laughed, though it wasn’t a mocking or mean sound.

“I’m honoured to- “

Bane was interrupted by Jace and Izzy who appeared next to them, both wearing identical polite smiles. They positioned themselves next to Alec, neither making a move to introduce themselves to Bane, who was watching them with raised eyebrows and a trace of amusement.

“These are Jace and Izzy,” Alec introduced somewhat awkwardly, “my siblings.”

Magnus nodded politely at both of them, offering his hand first to Izzy then to Jace. “It’s nice to meet you. I was just telling Alexander that I was honoured to be Bonded to him. After all, it’s not everyday that you Bond with a Shadowhunter to secure national peace.” 

There was something teasing in his voice. Jace only nodded at his words, unimpressed, but Izzy smiled, if somewhat weakly.

“It’s also an honour for us, Mr. Bane. I hope that only good will blossom form this Bond.”

To almost everyone else the words would have sounded perfectly polite, but Alec recognised the hidden threat. Apparently, Magnus did too, because his smile momentarily fell, before it returned with full force.

“And I’m sure it will. I will look after Alexander and hopefully he will do the same.”

At that, all three of the Lightwood siblings looked at him incredulously, though some (Izzy and Alec) were better at hiding it than others (Jace). It was a weird statement, coming from a Dom, but Alec chose not to comment on it, and luckily, neither did his siblings. Alec didn’t necessarily want their first conversation to be a questioning of Magnus’ behaviour.

For the next few minutes, the four of them made awkward and stilted small-talk, Alec becoming increasingly more uncomfortable as more and more of the Shadowhunters started to leave. He and Bane should also be leaving soon. They would go to Magnus’s flat, Alec knew, and that was where he would be forced to spend the next three months minimum, living with someone who he had just met and who would have total control over him for the rest of his life.

Apparently, Bane had been thinking something along the same lines, because as soon as Isabelle had finished the story she had been telling, Magnus excused them with a smile.

“I’m really sorry to say, but I’m afraid Alexander and I must get going. It was a pleasure to meet both of you, and I’d love to continue this another day though. Maybe within the next few weeks?”

The question earned him another round of disbelieving looks, although Izzy caught herself quickly, answering with a charming smile.

“Of course. It was nice meeting you, too. I hope you’ll take good care of Alec, and that we’ll hear from him soon.”

Magnus merely nodded at that, turning to Alec.

“I’ll say my goodbyes to your parents and then we can get going if you’d like,” he told Alec, who simply nodded. Seemingly satisfied, Magnus turned away and walked over to Alec’s parents, who had been watching them for the past few moments.

Alec was grateful for the chance it gave him to talk to Izzy and Jace alone, who were both looking at him worriedly.

“He’s weird,” said Jace simply, “and I don’t know what to make of him.”

Alec shrugged. He felt the same way – Magnus thoroughly confused him. He had no clue what to make of the other man either, but he’d find out tonight at the latest. The thought filled him with a sense of dread. The worst part of today was yet to come – being alone with Bane in his flat, where the Dom could literally do anything he wanted to him, without anyone else watching over them. They were supposed to sleep with each other tonight, Alec thought, a shiver running up his spine. 

Jace’s warm hand on his forearm stopped that particular thought in its tracks, making Alec look up.

“It’ll be alright,” Jace said, unusually gentle, “believe me.”

Alec nodded, his throat tight. He was going to miss them, both of them, so much. He had never been without his siblings for longer than maybe two weeks, how on earth should he ever manage the _three months_ that were custom for newly Bonded couples?

As if sensing his thoughts, Izzy stepped up to him, hugging him tightly. “Jace’s right,” she whispered, “it’ll be alright. You’ll be fine. I know it, Alec.”

Alec nodded and burrowed his face in her hair for a moment. When she let go, Alec thought that he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes, though he couldn’t be sure. Jace hugged him just seconds later, holding him even tighter than his sister had. It didn’t last as long but was just as comforting, just as genuine, especially since Jace wasn’t usually all that fond of hugging.

Alec stepped away from his siblings, turning in the direction where his parents and Dom were standing, seemingly caught up in a discussion. Together with Jace and Izzy Alec walked towards them. He wasn’t planning on taking long with saying goodbye to his parents – they had made it clear that once he was Bonded, he was Magnus’s responsibility, not theirs, and that he would belong to Bane and no one else, not even them.

As expected, their goodbyes were rather short – Maryse hugged him and Robert patted him on the back with a little more force than strictly necessary.

And then, it was over. Nothing was holding Alec here anymore. He looked at Bane, who was already watching him. Alec gave his siblings one last look, full of all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t, before turning around, facing Bane with a small nod.

And just like that, Magnus Bane opened a portal and he and Alec stepped through it, leaving the Institute. That was it, Alec thought right before entering the portal, that was it. 

His life as he knew it was ending right now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't watched Shadowhunters in a long time so I gave Magnus's flat an entirely different layout to serve my purposes, just FYI.
> 
> Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news for those of you who wished for a quick solution and fluff to follow soon, but this fanfic will be a bit angstier than that. Alec still has a lot to unlearn that has been drilled into his head and he and Magnus will have to take things slowly since as of now, they are still on entirely different pages when it comes to their expectations of a Bond.  
> So there will be a couple more chapters of mainly Angst - after all it wouldn't quite be quite one of my fics without that - but then there will come a soft, gentle and just slightly angsty "recovery" and a lovely, fluffy developing relationship. (With all the feels!)  
> Just hang in there, I promise Alec will get all the hugs in the end!
> 
> Enjoy!

The first thing Alec noticed was that Magnus’ apartment was _huge_. It was much, much bigger than what Alec was used to – of course the Institute was big, but the Shadowhunter’s own quarters were rather small and contained nothing more than what was strictly necessary. It was what Alec was used to, and therefore, the sheer size of Bane’s flat shocked him a little.

It was also much brighter than what Alec knew from home – the windows were huge, letting the light of the slowly sinking sun in, illuminating the flat with gentle, soft orange light. They were standing in the living room/kitchen area, a large table to Alec’s left, much bigger than two people could ever need.

From what Alec could see, that seemed to be a common theme in Bane’s flat – everything was big, lavish and imposing. There were several doors sectioning off from the living room and Alec absent-mindedly wondered which one lead to the bedroom and just when exactly that particular door would be opened tonight. 

“Welcome in my – our – flat!”

Bane’s words were accompanied by a grand gesture, as if he wanted to encompass the room as a whole. He was standing right beside Alec, already looking much more relaxed than he had been at the ceremony, his eyes twinkling.

“Make yourself at home, since this is what it’s going to be. I hope you’ll like it, because there isn’t much I can do to change it.”

Before Alec could respond, Bane was already moving away from him, making his way towards the fridge with long strides.

“Would you like something to drink? I’ve got wine, sparkling wine, water and orange juice, though I think that’s expired.” Bane frowned and snapped his fingers, making Alec flinch. “Not anymore, now. So, what would you like?”

“Just water’s fine,” Alec managed. His throat was parched, and he could only barely hold himself back from looking around nervously, or shifting on his feet. He didn’t want to show Bane just how nervous he was. He didn’t need to display his vulnerability so openly, didn’t need to accentuate how much Bane power held over him here by showing his fear.

Bane hummed as he bent down and picked up some bottled water from the fridge as well as a bottle of red wine. While the warlock was pouring himself a glass, Alec quickly scanned the flat again, counting the doors that sectioned off the living room. He frowned. Three doors. Why three doors?

One would obviously be ~~Bane’s~~ their bedroom, and the other one presumably a bathroom. There was a chance that the third door was a supply closet or even another bathroom, perhaps, but both of those options were highly unlikely. Alec doubted that Bane needed any cleaning supplies when he could take care of his flat just fine with a little magic, as he had demonstrated just now with the orange juice. And a second bathroom was just as unlikely – after all, why would anyone who lived alone need two bathrooms?

Alec’s stomach tightened. He had heard of people having special ‘play rooms’, of course he had – Hell, Delaney had mentioned a few times that it was likely that Bane would have one as well, the warlock could definitely afford it – but simply knowing of their existence and actually standing in front of what he assumed was one, were entirely different things.

That would probably be the first door Bane would open today, Alec thought with a barely supressed shudder. And if the rumours he heard about the warlock were true, they wouldn’t leave that room all too quickly again.

Alec flinched when he heard Bane come up right behind him. He turned and took the glass of water the warlock was offering him with a weak smile, mumbling his thanks. Magnus took a sip of his wine and leaned against the table, watching Alec intently.

“Why don’t we sit down?”, the warlock asked, voice much softer than Alec had expected. He nodded stiffly and followed Bane to the sofa, which was, just like everything else, way bigger than necessary.

It was also surprisingly comfortable, Alec noticed upon sitting down. There was an array of soft pillows arranged on it, making the sofa look homely and appealing. Nevertheless, Alec didn’t lean back and relax like Bane did, but rather sat perched on the edge of the sofa, waiting for what would happen next. His knuckles were white around his glass.

“So,” began the warlock, “today must have been quite the day for you. It was exhausting enough for me, but it must have been on a whole other level for you.” He took a sip of his drink and then sat up, leaning a bit closer to Alec, wine sloshing in his glass. Bane was smiling, looking at Alec with a small twinkle in his eyes.

“Tell me, Alexander, what have you done to now be stuck in arranged Bond with me? Any scandalous affairs your parents wanted to keep a secret? Deep, dark secrets they’re hoping to keep under wraps by Bonding you to me? Or is it really just to ensure the peace?”

Alec wasn’t sure what to say to that. Did Bane really think he had had affairs he was now trying to hide? And if he did, why wasn’t he angry, why wasn’t he mad about it? As far as Alec knew, Doms usually wanted their Subs untouched and ‘pure’, especially when it came to Bonding.

“No, I’ve had no affairs,” he heard himself say, a sentence he had never thought would come out of his mouth, “my parents arranged this Bond to strengthen the relationship between Downworlders and Shadowhunter, and I couldn’t lead the Institute anyways, not after having presented as a Sub.”

Alec clamped his mouth shut. Why had he _said_ that? It was true, of course, but Alec wasn’t usually that open. And besides, making his Dom think that he was unable to take on responsibility - or simply incapable in general - right after they had Bonded was most likely not the best idea.

Bane merely hummed at Alec’s answer, now leaning back a bit.

“You Shadowhunters still hold on to very old and outdated beliefs, I see. One should think that _I_ would be the one to think that way, since I was actually alive during those times, but apparently, I am much more modern than your parents are.”

Alec didn’t know what to do with Bane’s answer, how to respond to it, but Bane didn’t seem to expect him to answer, anyways. Instead, he took another sip from his glass before continuing.

“So, your only crime was presenting as a Sub if I understood correctly. That must have come as a shock to your parents.”

Alec clenched his teeth. Why was Bane _doing_ that? Did he want to mock him? It was an obvious question with an obvious answer, though one that Alec still had to give; he knew that. He nodded once.

“Yes. I presented as a Sub and that was crime enough. Subs are rare among Shadowhunters, especially male ones, and since I am the oldest of my siblings and none of them are Subs, it was expected that I would present as a Dom. Since I didn’t, I cannot lead the Institute any longer.”

Bane hummed at that, taking another sip from his glass.

“I take it that the Bond was entirely your parent’s idea, then?”

Alec nodded stiffly. Bane had to already _know_ that, after all it should be apparent that Alec wasn’t overly excited. Had his parents not told the warlock that it had been their idea, not Alec’s? Apparently not, like Bane’s next words confirmed.

“I was told you were a willing participant, happy even. If I had known that this wasn’t your idea even in the slightest, I wouldn’t have agreed when your parents asked.”

Bane had set his wine glass on the coffee table and was looking intently at Alec. Alec’s head hurt. Today _had_ been taxing, Bane was right, and he constantly felt as if he were about to walk right into a trap the warlock had set up for him in this conversation, like the Dom was just waiting for him to trip up, to say something that would allow Bane to punish or mock him.

Not that he really needed a justification, Alec thought bitterly. Bane now had every right to do with him whatever he wanted, no questions asked.

Bane seemed to realise that Alec wasn’t going to answer, so he sat back again, shrugging slightly.

“It’s done now, I suppose,” he said conversationally, “and I can’t change that. It’s better to just make the best out of the situation, no?”

“Yes,” managed Alec through clenched teeth, “I think it is.”

Bane hummed and then got up, missing how Alec flinched at the sudden movement. “It is getting late, and today was exhausting.” he said, turning to look out of the window at the steadily sinking sun, “I was thinking of going to bed soon. What about you?”

Alec froze. Ah. There it was. At least, they were apparently skipping scening tonight and going straight to the sex. Wasn’t Alec lucky?

He nodded, unable to say anything in response and got up with jerky, stiff movements. Alec took one last quick sip from the water Bane had given him earlier and then turned to the warlock, facing him. Once more, Bane wore an unidentifiable emotion on his face that put Alec on edge. Usually, he was good at reading emotions and used it to his advantage to avoid harm or help others. With Bane, however, he had no clue what the other man was thinking. He sure didn’t seem excited or even eager to take Alec to bed. That wouldn’t mean anything good for him, Alec knew that.

Bane waved a hand through the air and Alec’s bags arrived at his feet. He picked them up, following the warlock, who had begun walking down the hallway.

Bane didn’t stop at the door behind which Alec had mentally placed their bedroom but continued to the one the furthest down the hall, opening it with a flourish.

“Your room. It’s a bit sparse – I didn’t have much time to decorate it since I only created it a few days ago, but I thought maybe you’d like to decorate it however you want. If you need any styling tips, I’ll gladly help you, darling.”

The nickname snapped Alec out of his stupor, and he looked up, a frown on his face. What did Bane mean, _his room_? Were he and Bane not going to share? He had always assumed that the warlock would want Alec to sleep in his room, he had been told that this was how it was going to be. ‘You have to be at his disposal’, was the way Delaney had phrased it, and although the wording had made Alec want to retch, he knew that it was true.

Apparently, some of the confusion he currently felt was showing on his face because Bane explained with a half-smile and much more hand movement than necessary.

“I thought that it would be nice if you had your own room, at least in the beginning. Or forever, if that’s what you would prefer. I know you’re not used to sharing a room, and since we are still little more than strangers to each other I think both of us would benefit from some distance at first.”

Alec nodded, too shocked to respond right away. It made sense, he supposed, but it was simply so, so far from what he had been expecting that he didn’t know what to say. Bane’s thoughtfulness was _kind_ in a way, and that was the last thing Alec had expected the Dom to be.

Nevertheless, he forced himself to answer, not wanting to make Bane think he was being ungrateful.

“I- Thank you. That is very… kind of you. So, thank you.”

Alec pulled a face. That had been way less eloquent than he had hoped it would, but almost miraculously, Bane seemed satisfied with his answer.

“I’m glad to hear that. The bathroom is the door right next to you and my room is the last door. I have my own bathroom, so we should be able to not run into each other in the morning. I assume that you will get up earlier than me tomorrow, so please just be quiet - I don’t get much sleep usually and prefer not to be woken up. Feel free to eat and drink whatever you want, there should be something in the fridge. You can look around all you want. Don’t be surprised if there’s a cat here tomorrow – that’s Chairman Meow, he comes and goes as he likes, but he shouldn’t be too rude to you. If he is, just avoid him.”

Alec could do little but stare at Bane. Was this a joke? Was all this some elaborate ruse Bane had thought up to make Alec think he was safe here, only to hurt him more later on? It definitely seemed more likely than the other option, the option that Bane really did mean everything he said, that every word that came out of his mouth was genuine and true.

Maybe, Alec thought, maybe Bane would even wait with showing Alec his true colours. Maybe he wanted to make Alec feel safe for now only to come into this room later or in a couple days, fuck or hurt him then. Maybe that was something Bane got off on, playing with him like that. Alec didn’t know, didn’t have a single answer for all the questions that swirled around in his head.

“I- yes.” He managed, aware that he had already taken too long with answering, “I’ll be quiet. Should I stay in my room until you’re also awake?”

It was a normal question, Alec thought, because despite what Bane had said just earlier, it would feel and _be_ wrong to simply walk around Magnus’s flat when his Dom wasn’t even awake yet. To his surprise, though, Magnus shook his head.

“No. As I said, the flat is yours and you can treat it as such. Do whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t lead to irreparable damage – though very little is irreparable when I can fix it with magic. Feel free to look around, but please don’t enter my room without permission, especially not when I’m sleeping. Of course, I’ll do the same for you. If you want to leave the flat to take a walk or get coffee or something else, you can of course do so, but please leave me a note telling me where you are and when you left, so I don’t have to worry.”

Bane was smiling at Alec, as if everything he was saying made perfect fucking sense, when it definitely, entirely didn’t. Alec was allowed to _leave_ the flat? Just like this, without even telling Bane beforehand? It had to be a joke, there was no way Bane would be okay with his newly Bonded Sub just walking around on his own.

Nevertheless, Alec nodded. He didn’t want to question his Doms rules right on the first day – didn’t want to question them at all, in fact. He would simply lay low and be as cautious as possible, do as little of what could get him into trouble as he could manage. He would wait for the other shoe to drop, yes, but by the Angel, he surely wouldn’t provoke that moment to come sooner than it needed to.

“I… I’ll try and remember that. Thank you.”

It was a weak response, but Bane smiled, nevertheless.

“Well, then I believe everything has been said. I’ll go to sleep now – if you need anything else today, please don’t hesitate to knock. I hope the room is comfortable and not too cold, but as I just said, if there’s an issue you can always come to me.”

Alec answered that with a tight-lipped smile and Bane nodded, as if having expected that.

“Good night, Alexander. I hope you sleep well.”

And with that, he turned around and went to open the door a few metres away from Alec’s own, leaving the Shadowhunter alone in the hallway, one foot inside what was apparently his own room.

Tentatively, Alec entered, looking around. Earlier, he hadn’t had the chance to take in the room since Bane had been blocking the view, but now he took his time looking at it. It was definitely not ‘sparse’, like Bane had called it, but Alec was beginning to think that he and Bane had very different views on what appropriate decor was, anyways.

The room was much bigger than what Alec was used to from the Institute. The bed alone was huge, much larger than one person would ever need a bed to be, but that was probably because there wouldn’t be many nights Alec would spend alone in here. Bane surely liked his Subs to live luxuriously, Alec thought as he took in the floor-length silk curtains, fitting with the silk bedsheets. It made sense, he supposed – after all, Bane would probably enjoy fucking his Sub on silk bedsheets much more than regular ones.

Curiously enough, though, Alec found none of the implements Delaney had had for scening – no cuffs, no ropes, no whips, no gags, no candles. He searched every drawer and went through the closet twice, just to make absolutely sure he hadn’t missed anything. But there was nothing at all.

Maybe Bane kept all his equipment in his own room. It seemed a little complicated, bringing all the tools to Alec’s room whenever they would scene, but Bane could do as he pleased and if that involved some inconveniences, then so be it. Maybe Bane would make him bring all the supplies, Alec thought, maybe that was just what Bane liked to do.

There was not a doubt in Alec’s mind that at one point in the future (sooner rather than later), Bane would scene with him in this room that was so inexplicably his. After all, what other reason would the warlock have to give it to him, decorated as richly as it was?

By now, Alec was almost completely sure that all the sweet-talk of Bane wanting to give Alec some space in the beginning had been some joke, a test maybe, to see how gullible Alec was. Maybe it was true that Bane was tired today, too tired to do anything at all, but all that other crap about possibly never sharing a room or about Alec being allowed to wander around the flat freely, _leaving_ it, if he wanted to? Lies and nothing but lies, Alec was sure of that.

With a sigh, Alec pulled a pair of sweatpants and a tank top out of his bag, eager to finally change out of the white suit. He went to the bathroom as quietly as he could, taking a quick shower and then headed back to his room, noticing that the light in Bane’s room was still on, shining out from underneath his door. Maybe Alec would get a visitor tonight after all. It certainly didn’t seem like Bane was very tired if he was still awake, contrary to what he had claimed earlier.

The thought made Alec, who had relaxed a little during showering, tense up again. Despite his best efforts, he had begun to take comfort in the knowledge that Bane wouldn’t fuck him tonight, at least, but discovering that the warlock was still very much awake and thus could still come to his room if he so pleased, made Alec frown at how foolish he had been. If Bane had insinuated that nothing would happen today, so what? If Alec had learned one thing about Doms, it was that they usually did as they pleased, not really caring about what others wanted or even about what they had said or promised before.

Quietly, Alec opened the door to his room, leaving it slightly ajar. It would be invitation enough, Alec hoped. He couldn’t quite bring himself to leave it open completely, didn’t want to make it seem like he had been waiting for, hoping for Bane’s nightly visit, but he couldn’t close it, either. At best, a closed door would make him seem foolish, at worst, it would anger Bane and thus worsen whatever the warlock wanted to do to him.

Better not to take chances, Alec thought, slowly getting into bed. He would try not to fall asleep, despite the bed being even more comfortable than the sofa had been, Alec’s body practically sinking into it. If he were to fall asleep only to be woken up by Bane already in his room, it would make whatever would follow harder for Alec to endure, since he was always a little unoriented and unresponsive after having slept, no matter for how long.

Alec turned, facing the door. He had no idea how long it would take Bane to come to him. Already, it got harder keeping his eyes open, the exhaustion only now fully catching up with him. It didn’t help that the bed was much, much softer than anything Alec was used to, didn’t help that the day had been the most exhausting he had had in a long time.

And despite his best efforts, despite the underlying fear of the man just a few rooms away who held so much power over him, Alec’s eyes slowly slipped closed after just a few minutes of waiting. Despite all his fear, all his doubt, all the uncertainty, he was asleep in less than half an hour after crawling into bed, sleeping restlessly in the house of a man who now held Alec’s life and well-being in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented so far!! I love and cherish every single comment, you keep me motivated :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mention of previous (bad) scenes, mild discussion about possible future scenes, but nothing graphic.  
> Thank you so much for all your support! You keep me going. Enjoy :)

The next day, Alec woke up much later than usually. For a few short-lived, blissful seconds he thought he was still in the Institute, was about to go train with Jace in less than half an hour, but as soon as he moved, he felt the silk sheets underneath him and the illusion slipped away. Alec opened his eyes abruptly, sitting up. When his eyes fell on the alarm clock on his bedside table, he cursed. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept this long, but apparently, the exhaustion coupled with a bed that was insanely comfortable had made him sleep longer than he had wanted to.

It was already half past eight, which meant that Alec had slept one and a half hours longer than usually. He left the bed quickly, cursing himself in his mind. It was his _first day_ with his Dom and he was already messing up. Most likely, Bane was already up, wondering just how he had acquired such a lazy Sub who liked to sleep in late instead of doing what Bane wanted him to do.

Alec got dressed quickly, still buttoning his pants as he left his room, looking down the hallway. To his surprise, everything was dark (or at least as dark as it could get, considering that it was already half past eight), and the flat was silent.

Alec frowned. Was Bane still sleeping?

The warlock had told him he would be sleeping longer than Alec, but the Shadowhunter hadn’t expected it to be that long. He’d thought that Bane would be up by now, since it was already pretty late, especially for Alec’s standards. But apparently, Bane slept even longer than Alec had thought he would. Or maybe he, too, was simply tired from yesterday’s events, much like Alec had been.

Well, if Bane wasn’t awake yet, that was to Alec’s advantage. He decided that he would look around in the flat for a little while, just to get some basic information about its layout, and maybe find out a little more about his Dom. After all, Bane had said that Alec was allowed to do pretty much everything as long as he didn’t wake him, and Ale would use that freedom as much as possible until the warlock inevitably revoked it.

The Shadowhunter started in the kitchen, just looking around at first. The whole flat was _open_ , for lack of a better word, with very few hidden angles and corners. It was also, Alec realised just now, furnished very, very luxuriously. Bane sure as hell wasn’t stingy when it came to décor. 

After Alec had looked around for a couple minutes, touching as little as possible in case Bane later changed his mind about just what Alec could do in the flat, he went to make himself breakfast, finding the necessary ingredients for some basic cornflakes around the kitchen.

It was a quick breakfast, easy to clean up and after he had finished, and Bane _still_ hadn’t woken up, Alec dared snooping around again, a bit more thoroughly this time. Although he didn’t quite want to admit it to himself, he was looking for any indicator about what Bane was like in his personal life, especially as a Dom.

Alec gave his best, searched the flat as methodically and thoroughly as he could, but no matter where he looked, he could find no indicator as to what Bane enjoyed. There were no supplies whatsoever in any of the closets and cupboards Alec looked into (not that he really thought he would find gags or handcuffs in the pantry), only regular, usual household items.

The possibility that Bane really did keep everything necessary for scening in his room seemed more and more likely the longer Alec thought about it. It would explain why he hadn’t been able to find _anything_ and also why Bane had strictly forbidden him from entering his room without permission.

Ale sat down on the couch with a small sigh. Great. While that at least meant that he would know what would come whenever he'd be first ordered to Bane's room, it also meant that he was just as clueless as before as to what Bane actually liked in the bedroom. And that was bad, terrible even, because Alec liked being prepared. He liked knowing what someone else expected from him, liked clear rules, _liked knowing ho he could best avoid pain._

Though there had been very few things that spoke for Delaney as his training Dom, that at the very least had been something Alec had appreciated – he had always known what Delaney wanted and had therefore also known how to act to avoid the worst of the pain.  
The sound of a door opening interrupted Alec’s train of thoughts and he sat up straighter, too slow to stand before Bane entered the kitchen.

The warlock was already dressed, again wearing make-up, just like yesterday, though his look today was a tad less dramatic than it had been at the ceremony. 

The warlock _smiled_ as he saw Alec sitting on the couch, like it was perfectly normal to see one’s Sub lazing around in the living room, and before Alec could stammer out whatever half-finished apology he had come up with, Bane already spoke.

“Ah, good morning, Alexander. I hope you slept well, and I didn’t leave you out here by yourself for too long? Have you eaten yet?”

Alec nodded, finally getting up, standing at a small distance from Bane, his hands clasped behind his back. Standing attention, as the protocol demanded.

“I did, thanks for asking. I’ve not been awake for long, though, only for about half an hour. I usually wake up at around seven, but I slept longer today. The uh, the bed is very comfortable.”

Alec bit his cheek. What had meant to be a compliment sounded wrong to his ears, weird and awkward. Bane, however, just chuckled.

“I’m glad to hear that – I‘d hoped you might like it. I know silk sheets aren’t for everybody but they _are_ very comfortable, so I’m happy you like them.”

Bane turned around, leaving Alec scrambling for an answer to that statement as the warlock made himself breakfast. While he prepared it, Alec was left to stand awkwardly in the kitchen, not sure what to do or say. Wasn’t he supposed to prepare breakfast?

He knew that in some Bonds, it was expected that the Sub prepared all meals for their Dom, but Alec didn’t know whether that would also apply to his own Bond, nor did he know what Bane might like to eat. Luckily, the warlock seemed perfectly happy to prepare his breakfast himself and asked Alec to sit down at the table with him while he ate.

In-between bites, Magnus talked about trivial things – about how he didn’t have any plans for the day, about how the weather was good and it wasn’t usually this sunny, and Alec nodded along. Bane finished his breakfast soon and pushed the plate away from himself, leaning backwards in his chair. His eyes were firmly trained on Alec.

Alec couldn’t help but tense, sitting straighter. Bane’s expression had turned serious and he was playing with one of the many rings on his hand, watching Alec intently.

“I think it would be good if we discussed some of the basic rules and expectations in this Bond and the sooner we do it, the better.”

Bane’s voice was matter-of-fact and Alec nodded, his breath hitching a little. He had no idea what Bane would expect of him, had no clue as to what he liked in a Bond, in a relationship. Hopefully now, he would finally find out what Magnus wanted him to do, what role he would have to be playing for the next fifty or so years. Alec braced himself.

From what he had heard, Bane was very adventurous, to say the least, and both Delaney and Alec’s father had hinted many times that that would not only apply to any sexual activities but would also translate to Bane enjoying different, creative (and probably much more painful) ways of scening with and disciplining his Sub. Alec wasn’t quite sure he really _wanted_ to find out what Bane liked – what Delaney had enjoyed doing with him had been bad enough, and Delaney had at least been extremely careful not to leave any marks or harm Alec in any way that would make his ‘worth’ as an un-bonded Sub decline. Bane, of course, would have no such worries.

The warlock’s next words, however, weren’t at all what Alec had been expecting or bracing himself for.

“So, what do you like? What do you expect of this, what do you want this Bond to be? What are things you dislike, what should I never do? Where are your boundaries?”

Alec could do little but gape at him. _He_ was supposed to express his wishes, to say what he did and didn’t want? It seemed like a trick, and Alec had no idea how to react appropriately. After a few seconds of scrambling for anything at all to say, he shook his head, waving his hand around a little in lieu of an actual answer.

Bane sighed, his eyes softening.

“I thought so – you Shadowhunters really are very… traditional. Well, then let’s go about this another way. I assume you have had scenes before?”

Alec nodded.

“Good. Tell me about them – who did you scene with? For how long did they last, when and where, what did you do in those Sessions? Were there any things in particular you enjoyed or something you didn’t?”

Alec frowned at Bane’s words. He didn’t quite get why Bane as asking _him_ about this. If he wanted to hear how well Alec had behaved in his previous Scenes, why not ask Delaney or his father, instead of risking that Alec lied to make himself appear better and more obedient than he had actually been? 

The risk that Alec would lie was of course incredibly small since he usually was an honest person and also didn’t plan one of the first actual conversation with his Dom to start with a lie. Also, he wouldn’t dare outright lying to Bane – after all, the Dom could always check in with Robert or Delaney and would find out if Alec had been untruthful. But he could still try and make himself appear a little better than he strictly had been, Alec decided. It wouldn’t be _lying_ , exactly, just portraying himself in a different light than Delaney would have. After all, everything was subjective, wasn’t it?

“I scened with Delaney, who was my old training master. My father organised him for me shortly after I presented. We scened about ten to fifteen times in total, I think, but never in a sexual way and the scenes always were uncomplicated. He made sure I now know proper etiquette, how to behave and how to service my Dom.”

Bane nodded, a small frown on his face.

“And what did ‘proper etiquette’ involve for this Delaney? Did the two of you plan the scenes together or was it just him? How long did a scene usually last and what would he do after ending it?”

Alec fought very hard to fight off a frown himself. Why was Bane so concerned about what he and Delaney had done? Surely his parents had told the warlock that Alec was still ’pure’, still ‘untainted’. Otherwise, the Dom wouldn’t have agreed to this Bond, would he? After all, Alec had learned that no one wanted a ‘tainted’ Sub, least of all someone as respected as Bane.

“As I said, it was strictly non-sexual. He planned all the scenes and simply told me what to do and I complied. The scenes didn’t last the same amount of time every time, and after they ended, I always thanked him and then left. In general, they a lasted anywhere from thirty minutes to one and a half hours, but most of the time it was about fifty minutes.”

Alec stopped, taking a small breath. He didn’t really want to explain Bane what he had been taught by Delaney since surely, the warlock knew that already and probably just wanted to hear Alec say it himself. It was humiliating to say out loud, but Alec clenched his teeth and powered through.

“Uh, proper etiquette involves knowing how much pain you can take, being able to take that pain quietly and responding immediately to your Dom’s command. I… I was taught how to take different types of pain without making a sound, the theory about how to please someone sexually and how to stay in certain positions for a long time, no matter whether I was bound or wasn’t. Also, I learned the proper way to address a Do- to address you, of course.”

Alec ducked his head, face aflame. He hated talking about this, loathed it. Why did Bane make him do this? The Dom had to know how training scenes went, after all, he had been scening with Subs for longer than Alec had been alive. There was no reason why he would ask Alec all this since he could probably acquire much more detailed information about Alec’s previous scenes by simply asking Delaney himself or Robert, who had been told about everything Delaney and Alec had done during scening. 

When Alec looked up from where he had been staring at the table, he felt his stomach drop as he saw that Bane’s face had hardened. The Dom seemed displeased, unhappy, face tight and frowning. When he spoke, his voice was clipped and a little angry, making Alec shrink in his chair a little, a now instinctive reaction to seeing a Dom displeased.  
“And did this _Delaney_ ,” Bane said with a surprising amount of anger lacing his words, “ever look after you after a scene? Did the two of you ever agree on guidelines on what to do during a scene or did he simply decide what he thought was best for you to learn? Did he ask you at all what you wanted to do?”

Alec shook his head, helplessly. He didn’t know what he had done to upset Bane, only knew _that_ he had upset the warlock and he could feel the back of his neck start to prickle. It had never meant anything good for him when Delaney had gotten even slightly upset during a scene and Bane was currently much madder than Delaney had ever been. And, unlike than Delaney, the warlock could very much do whatever he wanted to Alec to take out that anger on him and didn’t even need to worry about such things as marks or scarring, like Delaney had.

Apparently, some of Alec’s thoughts had shown on his face because the warlock let out a deep breath and then schooled his face into a more neutral expression.

Hesitantly, Alec started to speak.

“I, uh, I usually just left after the scenes as soon as he said that I could. I usually took a hot shower or something afterwards. He never asked me, no, and he planned everything himself. I just assumed that what he taught me was… was the usual. He wasn’t- he wasn’t a bad teacher if that is what you’re worried about.”

Alec bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself to stop speaking. Shut up, just shut up. _’If that is what you’re worried about.’_ By the Angel, who did he think he was talking to? It was only the second day and he was already becoming impolite – exactly what Delaney had always warned him of. Also, just why had he felt the need to tell Bane about him showering after a scene? Surely this was not what the warlock had wanted to hear at all.

Luckily, Bane didn’t comment on either of Alec’ slip-ups, simply nodded and let out a small huff of air. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, the angry expression he had been wearing had been replaced by a more neutral one.

“Alright. Thank you for telling me, I appreciate it. I take it then that you don’t really know what you yourself enjoy during a scene, only what a Dom is supposed to like?”

Alec nodded, not quite sure how to respond to that.

“That will of course complicate things a little, but I think we will manage. How about I start off with telling you about some things I think could work for us, especially in the beginning. I’ll start with some general things now; of course, we will go more in-depth before our first actual scene. But if you notice anything that sounds like something you might enjoy or something you would rather not do, please tell me so, yes?”

Bane waited until Alec had nodded, before continuing, now with a little more life in his words, gesticulating a little while he spoke.

“So, as you might have noticed, I don’t really have any supplies except for the basics in my flat and I’m planning to keep it that way for now. If we both feel comfortable enough at some point in the future, we can of course try out different things, but in the beginning, I’d like to use as few tools as possible, save for a blindfold and a few lengths of soft rope, maybe. Is that alright with you?”

Alec nodded quickly, not wanting to make Bane take back what he had just said. Almost no tools, no gags, floggers or handcuffs for possibly _months_? That sounded too good to be true.

“Perfect,” Bane said, clasping his hands together, “I’m not planning on scening much more often than necessary in the first month. That means that I will only take you under in order to prevent subdrop or if you need or want me to for other reasons. I’d like to get to know you without anything D/S-related, first. Of course I’ll be there for you if you need me to and if you want to be taken down more often than that, we can discuss it, but I’d like to get to know you as _you_ first and Sub second.”

Bane leaned back in his seat, getting even more comfortable and entirely unaware of the onslaught of questions that were currently tumbling trough Alec’s mind, who was only barely keeping his composure. 

“But even when scening, I will do a few things differently than that Delaney did them. I will not ‘train’ you to take as much pain as you possibly can and other than what he did, I will take proper care of you after a session. That is non-negotiable.”

Bane sounded firm, having leaned forward again and for a moment, Alec could see pure dominance, pure authority in his eyes. He nodded quickly and, in a heartbeat, Bane had relaxed again, leaving Alec feel thrown.

“Good. We can discuss the details later, but in general, the first sessions will be very gentle. I do not overly enjoy inflicting pain in general anyways, and I don’t want to simply go right ahead when you don’t even know what you like. So, for now, we will only scene to keep you from dropping, and we can work on finding things that you enjoy afterwards, is that alright?”

“Yes,” said Alec, feeling oddly numb.

Nothing of what Bane was saying made any sense. Nevertheless, he nodded, hoping that the warlock couldn’t see right through him. Bane nodded as well, seemingly satisfied and his gaze wandered to Alec’s throat, which was bare and exposed.

“Normally, traditionally, I would give you a collar to wear after our first scene to show the world that we are Bonded, but I think we can wait with that. As I said – getting to know you as a person is my priority and everything else comes after that. Are you okay with that or would you prefer a collar right now?”

Alec nodded, then shook his head, hyper-aware of how his Adams apple bobbed unrestrained when he swallowed. 

“No, it’s- It’s fine. Thank you. I don’t mind waiting with the collar.”

He didn’t mind _at all_ in fact. Waiting with the collar wasn’t a problem in the slightest, in Alec’s eyes. A collar would symbolise their Bond, would show the world that Alec wasn’t his own person anymore, but belonged to someone now. A collar would finalise the Bond, Alec felt, even if it already was as final as it could get. 

Getting away _without_ wearing a collar, at least for the time being, was more than Alec had dared hoping for. He couldn’t express how grateful he was that he at least got to keep that last sliver of pride, of autonomy. 

Bane nodded and looked down for a second, playing with his ear cuff absent-mindedly. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else and Alec braced himself for a rule the Dom had forgotten, or maybe for Bane to tell him this had all been a great, big joke. But the warlock merely shook his head and stood up, pushing his chair back.

Alec remained seated, unsure as to what to do with himself. Bane may have clarified that there wouldn’t be any proper sessions for a while – though that was still something Alec _very_ much doubted – but he had given Alec no other pointers, no ideas on what he was supposed to do instead for Bane, how else he was supposed to please and serve him now that regular scenes were out of the question.

Because Alec _had to_ please Bane somehow, it was what he had been taught, it was his purpose in this Bond. And for once, Alec did not privately disagree. He knew, everyone knew, that Subs were to serve their Doms – while scening, while having sex and in life in general. And since the first one of those now miraculously seemed to simply not apply, that left only sex and general life for Alec to service Bane.

Alec knew he should, but he really, _really_ did not want to ask Bane about sex and what he was expecting from Alec. This conversation had been hard and confusing enough as it was, and he didn’t need to add to that.

For the first – and probably last – time in his life, Alec was happier with being kept in the dark about something than knowing about it. Thinking of the silk bedsheets, he was sure that he would find out what Bane preferred in bed soon enough, anyways. And better not to give the warlock any ideas – after all, there was a chance that he would have nothing against fucking Alec right now, if he only thought of it and Alec sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to initiate that.

Alec let out a small breath. Still, he had to show somehow that Bane’s inexplicable kindness and generosity weren’t wasted on him, had to prove that he was intending on giving his best to make the Bond work and fulfil his role as a Sub. So of course, the first thing he blurted out was:

“What should I call you?”

Bane turned to him with a small frown, obviously confused. Underneath the table, Alec banged his fist against his thigh. _Of course_ he couldn’t have done this more smoothly. Izzy really was right when she said he had no idea how to handle basic human interactions. Nevertheless, he carried on because he was not one to back down from anything, not even if this ‘anything’ apparently contained getting punished by his Dom in the foreseeable future because he had managed to shove his entire foot into his mouth.

“I mean, should I call you by your name when I address you, or should I call you ‘Sir’ or… or ‘Master’ or simply ‘Dom’? I just- I know Doms have different preferences on what their Subs call them, and I wanted to make sure.”

Alec hated how small his voice sounded, but at the same time, he couldn’t help it. Not when his Dom was currently wearing a frown and looking rather displeased in a way that suggested than Alec’s punishment for stepping out of line was going to come sooner than he had anticipated.

“Just ‘Magnus’ will be fine.” Ban- Magnus’ voice was short and clipped again and Alec had so obviously displeased him that he felt his stomach tighten.

“As far as I am aware both ‘Sir’ and ‘Master’ are pretty archaic and mainly used while scening. If you _need_ to call me something else because of some outdated Nephilim tradition or another, do so, but I’d prefer just Magnus. Do you have any preferences as to what I should call you?”

The last question was asked with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk, and Alec shook his head, feeling oddly relieved. The mere thought of having to address Magnus as ‘Sir’, or, even worse, _’Master’ _all of the time and especially when in public had made him feel uncomfortable beyond measure.__

__It would have been such an obvious display of submission and while Alec knew that some couples did that, even liked it, he had been dreading it. Alec was a very private person, after all – he wanted to keep as much of this relationship as private as possible. Having to call Bane ‘Master’ in public and especially in front of other Shadowhunters, in front of his family, would have crossed too many lines for him._ _

__“Thank you,” he said, not quite able to keep all the relief he felt out of his voice. “And no, uhm, just my name should be fine.”_ _

__Bane nodded, a small smile stretched across his lips and he waved his hand through the air in a hasty motion, as if only now remembering something._ _

__”Should I give you a tour through the flat?” Bane – Magnus – was smiling, leaning his weight on the one hand that was still resting on the table. “Or have you already discovered everything by yourself?”_ _

__Alec tensed up, carefully shaking his head. Fuck. Had Bane somehow noticed his snooping around? He had known that it was a terrible idea, exploring the flat himself, going through Bane’s things._ _

__Before Alec could say anything at all to defend himself, Bane had already started speaking again, still smiling._ _

__“You know what, it doesn’t matter. No matter how much you might’ve already seen, I’ll still give you a tour. After all, I’m allowed to show off what I’ve got, aren’t I?”_ _

__The last sentence was followed by a small wink, before Bane turned away, gesturing around the kitchen. Alec hastily stood up, joining Magnus. He kept a respectful distance to the Dom, standing next to him and watching the other man as he pointed at different things in the room with quick gestures._ _

__“As you likely have already noticed, this is my kitchen. I haven’t got much food, so if you ever need anything, just tell me and I will take care of it. If you want to, you can always go to the shops, do some grocery shopping, but you don’t need to. Magic can be handy like that and who likes shopping for groceries, anyways? There are _much_ more fun things to shop for,” Magnus said with such a big smile that Alec instantly wondered whether he would find himself in a sex shop anytime soon, dragged there against his will by an overly enthusiastic Dom. _ _

__Before he had any chance to comment on Bane’s words however, the warlock was already moving, walking towards the living room area, still talking all the while. He showed Alec around (no that there was much to explore with how open and spacious the flat was) and together, they made their way through the entire apartment, a much more thorough look-around than Alec’s search in the morning had been._ _

__Apparently, the bathroom Alec had used yesterday was entirely his, since Bane had one all of his own, sectioning off his room, which Alec and he were currently standing in front of. Magnus’ tour had ended in front of the warlock’s own bedroom (though he hadn’t opened the door to Alec’s room, saying that the Shadowhunter already knew what was behind it) and Bane had paused to take a breath for what seemed like the first time since the tour had started._ _

__“This is my room, as you already know. The layout is similar to yours, only that my bathroom is directly connected to it instead of being in the hallway. Your bathroom was also a recent addition, so if you’ve got any complaints, just tell me and I’ll fix it.”_ _

__Upon Alec shaking his head, Bane smiled and grabbed the handle to his own room, though not yet opening it._ _

__“I’ll just give you a quick look in here, just so that you know every room in the flat. You can always come in when you need something, except for in the mornings as I said yesterday, and please make sure to knock before you enter.”_ _

__Alec nodded, nervousness consuming his entire body. He could barely refrain from rocking on his feet. The prospect of going into his Dom’s room, seeing part of his private life and possibly a hint to all the secrets he hid, was nerve-wracking. Because, if Alec was being quite honest, he wanted to see if Bane’s earlier words had been true – if he really kept no tools, no supplies, if he really was as _kind_ as he had made himself out to be. _ _

__It seemed unthinkable, almost laughable – what Dom didn’t have _anything_ except for the basic rope and blindfold Bane had mentioned earlier? Especially someone as adventurous, as promiscuous and experienced as Bane would be sure to have a multitude of toys, fitting for every occasion. _ _

__Without further ado, Bane opened the door, entering before Alec. The warlock’s room indeed had the same layout as Alec’s had, only that it was bigger. And _much_ more decorated. Everything seemed expensive, from the golden sheets to the curtains and even the carpets, and Alec didn’t know where to look first._ _

__What seemed like a walk-in-closet was sectioning off from one wall, and Alec could only catch a glimpse of an utter abundance of clothes, before Bane stepped in front of him, partially blocking his view._ _

__“Well,” the warlock said, spinning slowly in a circle, “that’s my room. As I said, you’re always welcome here. I will not show you the bathroom because it is neither important nor particularly tidy at the moment and I don’t want whatever good impression you might still have of me vanishing right away.”_ _

__Bane was smiling again, like he always seemed to be, and Alec could once more only nod._ _

__He was overwhelmed – both by Bane’s luxurious room and by his words, by the way Bane never did what he expected him to. The Dom always reacted differently than Alec assumed he would, he had so far not even so much as _criticised_ him, and the constant worry that he would do something Bane might disapprove of was slowly beginning to grate on Alec. _ _

__The warlock spun around one last time, taking in the room as if he had never seen it before and then turned to the door, making Alec leave almost hurriedly._ _

__“I didn’t realise just how untidy it was,” he said with another grin, switching off the light with a flicker of his wrist, “better you don’t see too much. Some things are better kept secret.”_ _

__Bane missed the way Alec flinched at his careless words. He was right, Alec thought, some things really were better kept secret. Though he assumed that he would find out in time just what exactly Bane was currently still hiding from him._ _

__Because, Alec thought with a small, bitter smile, no matter the warlock’s warm words, his generous offers and sweet-talk during breakfast, at one point in time even he had to break character, had to show Alec what he really was like._ _

__Alec could only hope that that moment would not come as soon as he was fearing it would._ _


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both Alec and Magnus are absolutely terrible at communication! Poor them. This is a longer chapter, so strap in! 😊  
> Enjoy!! 😊

The next two days were just about the most exhausting and weirdest Alec had ever experienced. He was constantly aware of every little thing he said and did, how he behaved around the warlock and how Bane reacted to him. It was tiring, especially since Magnus never once reacted the way Alec thought he would – he didn’t punish him for any missteps, didn’t so much as raise his voice when Alec said something slightly offensive, sarcastic, or out-of-line that would have led to Delaney damn near losing his mind. 

The first few days went by much quicker than Alec had dared hoping it would. As it turned out, Bane enjoyed talking, which suited Alec just fine. He would be able to find out quicker what Bane expected from his Sub if he knew what Bane liked in general. 

As Alec learned, the warlock enjoyed many things – make-up, cats, partying, and watching TV-shows Alec could make no sense of. None of those things were valuable info, exactly, but Alec had decided that he would take what he could get.

Currently they were sitting on the too-comfortable sofa, Alec holding himself rather stiffly while Bane was relaxing at a small distance away from Alec. They had been watching a show Alec didn’t understand in the slightest for about half an hour now, with Magnus chuckling at jokes and references Alec didn’t get and sometimes mumbling comments Alec heard but which made little to no sense to him. 

Nevertheless, the general situation was much more relaxed and therefore much more enjoyable than Alec had expected it to be. Bane had in the whole two days not made a single unwelcome comment nor had he touched Alec, which had been more relieving than Alec had thought it could be. The uncertainty and entire novelty of the whole situation were still weighing on him, and he felt more tense than he was during most fights, which said something, but all in all, things so far could have been much, _much_ worse.

Of course, Alec was under no illusion that things would stay this way, that this grace-period would last, but he was allowing himself to enjoy the peace before the storm a much as he could. Alec was aware that Bane would eventually drop the act, knew that whatever was currently making him behave so decently towards Alec (the honeymoon-phase, as Alec had heard Jace call it once) would wear off. And when that happened, they would enter a much more traditional relationship, with clear rules and strict boundaries, in which Magnus would decide over Alec’s life and actions, like he was supposed to.

But even though the knowledge that whatever peace Alec still had was bound to end soon was hovering over his head, Alec couldn’t help but hesitantly relax a little into the warm, friendly atmosphere of Bane’s flat.

Objectively, Magnus was a good host/flatmate, if a little eccentric and so far, Alec had had nothing he could complain about. Not that he _would_ complain, even if there had been something, but still. His current situation was a hundred times better than what Alec had ever dared hoping for.

But of course, all that, all the peace and happiness had to come to an end at _some_ point, didn’t they?

Apparently – and ironically, Alec thought with a mental sigh - that point was now, with the show having ended. Magnus turned off the TV with a flicker of his wrist and then turned to Alec, facial expression inscrutable, but definitely not pleased or happy. Alec felt himself instantly sit up straighter, tensing a little, as if preparing for battle or something equally as bad.

Whatever Bane was about to say or do might just be worse than battle, Alec thought grimly. He felt as if he had jinxed it, as if his thoughts about just how good he had it here had made the storm come much sooner than it would have had Alec controlled his thoughts more carefully.  
He should have known that this magical period of peace and safety couldn’t last, but still, he had accepted it with open arms, had become lazy despite knowing that it wouldn’t keep. Maybe, Alec realised with a hitch of breath, maybe this had been a test of some sorts, maybe Bane had wanted to see how Alec would act when given no rules at all. And judging from the look on the Dom’s face, Alec had failed spectacularly. 

Bane seemed tense, or _nervous_ almost, if Alec thought that someone like Bane could even feel that way. He was leaning forward slightly, but his brows were furrowed, and he was playing with the rings on his right hand. That was also something Alec hadn’t expected from Bane – jewellery. Typically, jewellery of any kind was something Subs wore, not Doms, but Alec supposed that Bane had a reason for wearing it. Maybe because hitting someone in the face would hurt way more if the Dom was wearing an abundance of rings.

“So,” began Bane conversationally, not a trace of the nervousness that was discernible on his face evident in his voice, “you’ve been living here for a few days now, and except for what limited information your parents were willing to give me, I know next to nothing about you. Of course, that must be changed. So, tell me, Alexander, have you ever heard of 20 questions?”

Alec shook his head, finding himself tensing up even more. Bane sighed with a small smile on his face, rolling his eyes dramatically. 

“Ah, you Shadowhunters and your complete and utter disregard of anything fun! Well then, let me be the one to introduce you to the wondrous world of pop culture, starting with 20 questions. It’s quite simple, really. Each of us has 20 questions to ask the other, and we take turns. You can ask whatever you want, but since the game is for getting to know someone better, it’d make sense if you asked things you would actually like to know. Of course, each of us can choose not to answer, if the question is too… personal.”

Alec clenched his teeth. He was not sure what Magnus was playing at, but he couldn’t really refuse. Therefore, he nodded and scooted a little closer to the Dom. He didn’t know what to expect, had no idea what Bane was about to ask. What would someone like _him_ want to know about someone like Alec?

Nevertheless, he agreed, because that was what he had to, and turned to face Magnus fully. Mentally, he was already frantically flipping through safe, harmless things he could ask Bane. Answering whatever questions the warlock thought of was one thing, but having to come up with his own was something different entirely.

Despite all the things Alec wanted to know about his Dom, his head was practically empty, and he scrambled for anything at all to ask. Or, anything that was respectful enough, at least. He could ask why Magnus had agreed to the Bond, but that felt like an untoward question, entirely out-of-line, especially so early on.

Bane shifted, drawing Alec’s attention.

“You can ask whatever you want, don’t hold back. I’ll tell you if something is too personal and you please do the same. Let’s say each of us can refuse five questions, yes?”

Alec nodded, now a little excitement mingling with the nerves. He decided to use the opportunity to get to know Bane better in every aspect of his life, not just as a Dom. After all, if they were to live together for the remainder of Alec’s life, it would be better if he knew right from the beginning what Bane was like as a flatmate and potential partner. Alec knew already what he was like as a Dom - after all, Delaney had made sure to show him time and again how Doms acted and Alec figured that Bane wouldn’t be too different. A few differences in preferences and play-type, probably, but on the whole, Alec had come to the conclusion that most, if not all, Doms were the same.

“Would you like to start, or should I?”

Alec shook his head, leaning back slightly in the pillows. “You can.”

Bane nodded and averted his gaze for a second, seemingly thinking.

“I’ll start with something that’s not too personal – what’s your favourite food?”

Alec raised his eyebrows, taken aback by the question. He hadn’t thought that Bane would be interested in such trivial things, but it definitely was better than the questions Alec had thought he would have to answer.

“I don’t really have one, I’ll eat pretty much anything. I like fish, so maybe that?” Alec shrugged slightly, emphasising his point. “As long as it hasn’t been cooked by my sister, everything is alright.”

To his surprise that made Magnus laugh, the warlock giving an inelegant snort. 

“Is she really that terrible a cook?”

Alec nodded, fumbling with the sleeves of his sweater. “She somehow made spaghetti with tomato sauce inedible. I don’t know how she does it, but it’s a pretty fascinating talent of hers.”

Bane smiled, a sparkle in his eyes. “Well, if you’d like to overcome your trauma of badly cooked meals, I pride myself in being a pretty decent cook, given the right recipes. Maybe we could cook together some time?”

Alec frowned. From what he knew, cooking was more a Sub’s job than a Dom’s, but since Bane was offering and Alec himself wasn’t the best in the kitchen himself, he nodded, allowing himself a small smile.

“I’d like that.”

Magnus nodded, clapping in his hands once. “Then it’s settled! Your turn now – ask away.”

Alec frowned again, his eyes scanning Magnus’ face. He wasn’t sure what he was _allowed_ to ask. Even with what Bane had said earlier about it being possible to refuse answering some questions, he would rather not ask something that would displease the warlock. Alec was still treading on unfamiliar ground and he was careful not to say anything that could possibly offend or anger the warlock and thus earn himself punishment.

He went with the safest option. “What’s _your_ favourite food?”

Luckily, Alec’s lack of creativity was met with a grin and not a frown or some harsh words like he had been fearing. “I also enjoy just about everything. Thai is my favourite, and Curry just holds a special place in my heart. If you’d like, I could cook it for us, one day.”

Alec nodded and let himself relax the tiniest bit. Bane seemed to be in a pretty decent mood, which was always good for him. In one of the first sessions Alec had had with Delaney, he had learned that it usually ended pretty badly for him if a Dom was in a less than stellar mood.

“What do you like to do, what hobbies do you have? Any guilty pleasures?”

Bane was watching Alec who was shifting around a little, attentively. Alec took some time to answer, thinking carefully. His first answer would have simply been ‘training’ but saying only that sounded a bit… sad, even to his own ears. He gave his best to add a little more to the answer.

“Uh, I train, mostly, in my free time. I also read a lot and sometimes play games with Jace and Izzy, though those are also pretty much centred around training. I don’t have much time for anything else, really. But I try to play a lot with my younger brother, Max.”

Magnus hummed, again playing with one of his rings.

“That sounds nice. I almost assumed that you would answer training, judging from what I know of you Shadowhunters and, of course, also from what I can see.” The last part was said with a broad grin and a hand movement in Alec’s general direction, encompassing his entire body, which made the younger man blush.

“What do you read? Count that as one of my questions, you can also have two in a row when it’s your turn.”

Alec nodded, listing a few of his favourite books. At some of them, Magnus nodded or hummed, mentioning when Alec named a book he also liked. Alec’s next question came easier than the first one and he didn’t even give himself time to contemplate it before asking.

“The woman who was at the ceremony, the other warlock, is she a close friend of yours?”

Magnus’ face brightened. 

“Catarina, yes. We’ve known each other for an awfully long time, and yes, we’re rather good friends. She works at a hospital, she’s a healer. Well, a nurse in the mundane world. I would love to introduce her properly to you at some point, and a few other friends was well.”

Alec nodded, the idea strangely appealing to him. It would be nice, getting to know some of Bane’s friends. Not only would it give him a better idea of what Bane was really like and how he behaved around people he was close to, but it would also allow Alec to talk to someone else than Bane, maybe leave the flat for a while. Encouraged by Bane’s positive reaction, Alec dared asking a much riskier question, one that could potentially leave him in a vulnerable position.

“Would it… Would it be alright if Izzy and Jace came to visit some time? Or if I could see them, maybe? It wouldn’t have to be here, or even for long, I’d just like to see them again sometime if that… if that’d be alright with you, of course.”

Alec waited tensely for the warlock’s answer. Technically, he knew that the first three months of a Bond, during which he had been released from all Shadowhunter responsibilities, were usually used to strengthen the Bond, to allow some undisturbed time and intimacy between a Dom and a Sub. It was incredibly unlikely that Bane would be okay with Alec meeting his siblings so soon, but he had to ask.

If he wouldn’t be allowed to see Jace and Izzy for the next three months, he wanted to know sooner rather than later, and that way, at least he would have tried to go about this in a respectful way. If Bane forbid him from seeing his siblings for the next moths, Alec would have to come up with a solution himself.

To his surprise and immeasurable relief, Bane nodded. The Dom was still smiling, not even a hint of displeasure in his expression and slowly, tentatively Alec allowed himself to release the tension that had formed when he had asked the question.

“Of course! I wouldn’t keep you from your siblings, though it would probably be a bit more practical if you waited until at least the first two weeks are over before seeing them, just not to disturb the Bond. From what I know, the first week or so can be crucial, and too much contact with others could potentially harm the Bond. Bonding hormones, as I’m sure you know.”

Alec nodded, relief obvious on his face. He hadn’t quite admitted to himself how much he had feared that Bane would deny him this, that he would not be able to see his siblings until _months_ had passed. So far, Bane had been kinder than Alec had ever expected a Dom to be, especially one like him.

“Thank you.”

It was heartfelt and Bane smiled in response.  
The next few minutes they simply sat and talked, asking question after question. It was a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere, and Alec found himself enjoying the game, the conversation with Magnus. So far, neither of them had refused to answer a question, and Bane’s questions had all been surprisingly harmless.

So much so, in fact, that Alec was starting to feel a bit reckless, became a bit careless. Normally, he didn’t lower his guard so quickly; normally he never would have felt so comfortable as to ask the next question, but something about the entire situation and about how different it was from everything Alec had been expecting, led to him not overthinking as carefully as he normally did.

“How many Subs have you been with?”

It was an absolutely untoward question, Alec knew that, but for some reason, he couldn’t refrain from asking it. It mattered somehow, because obviously Alec knew that he and Bane were entirely different in that regard – Alec was absolutely inexperienced (as he had to be), but the warlock was very much not.  
Something in Alec was desperate to know the answer, wanted to know against just how many past Subs and lovers he was competing, just how hard he had to try to keep Bane interested and thus preserve this Bond and the peace between Downworlders and Shadowhunters.  
Maybe the need to know was the ‘masochistic desire’ Delaney had always said Alec had, just like every other Sub was supposed to have.

To Alec’s slight surprise, Bane took his time with answering the question, seemingly uncomfortable, if the way he shifted slightly was any indicator. Alec hadn’t expected that – he had been prepared for a confident answer, a proud one, had expected Bane to take pride in his conquests, boast about them.  
Instead, the warlock looked a bit uncomfortable, he seemed to be _blushing_ and didn’t answer immediately.

“Ah, a few. But they were all in the past, they’re ancient history, and you can’t forget that I’ve walked this earth for centuries. Also, not all of my lovers were Subs. Most of them, yes, but I have also had a few past lovers who weren’t.”

So the stories were true, Alec thought. Still, Magnus hadn’t exactly answered his question and the way the Dom was so obviously avoiding it made Alec feel a bit wary. Why didn’t he want Alec to know?

“Well,” continued Bane when Alec didn’t say anything, still seemingly uncomfortable, “it’d only be fair to tell you. So, seventeen, if you must know.”

A short silence, then, a bit quieter: “17,000.”

Against his will, Alec’s eyebrows shot up, the shock evident on his face. Seventeen _thousand_? Alec felt his heartbeat quicken a little at that, an unpleasant sensation spreading in his stomach.

17, 000.

How on earth was he supposed to compete with 17,000 past lovers - especially if not all of them had been Subs like him? There was no way, _no way_ he would ever satisfy Bane, not if the man had already had so many past lovers.  
_17,000_ people must have raised Bane’s expectations to a point where Alec would never be able to meet them, would never please him, and that would not only mean that he was going to be punished _a lot_ but also that their Bond was potentially at risk. After all, what reasons would Bane have to keep a Sub around that performed unsatisfactorily?

If Bane decided to end the Bond because Alec couldn’t live up to his expectations, there would be Hell waiting for him back at the Institute. Not only that, but a broken Bond would also mean that their union to solidify the peace between Downworlders and Shadowhunters would come to an end. Alec felt sick. 17, 000. There was _no way_ he would ever satisfy Bane, not with that number of past lovers.

Apparently, some of those thoughts had been showing on Ale’s face, because Bane continued, now talking much quicker and in a soothing voice, in an obvious attempt to reassure his Sub.

“Of course, they were all in the past. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. You are the first person I’ve ever been that deeply involved with and I want to make the best of it. I cannot change the past, but we can both try and shape the future to make it the best we can possibly have.”

Bane’s words were intended to be calming, and Alec nodded because he had to. He was still feeling faintly sick, thoughts racing. He would fail. He would displease his Dom, wouldn’t be able to be what Bane wanted him to be, and their Bond would be annulated and the peace between Downworlders and Shadowhunters would be even more unstable than before. 

Bane was still looking at him, Alec realised, seeming almost worried, and Alec forced a smile on his face. If he wasn’t careful, he would end up upsetting his Dom right now, much too early.

“I,” began Alec, voice slightly hoarse, “I haven’t been with any Dom, expect for the training sessions with Delaney, but I assume you already knew that.”

Bane nodded, looking relieved. Relieved because of Alec’s inexperience? The explanation didn’t quite fit, but right now, Alec couldn’t for the life of him figure out what else it might be.

“Well, then it’s my turn,” the warlock said, relaxing a little again, “if we’re already asking the personal questions – how many relationships have you been in? Outside of a D/S-context, obviously. Or have you been in any at all? You don’t have to answer, of course.”

Alec felt his face heat up. His lack of experience in any regard, really, had always been something his siblings had made fun of, and though Alec knew they meant no harm and he was mostly used to it by now, he couldn’t stand the thought of being ridiculed by Bane as well. For a second, he thought about lying, but he quickly dismissed the thought, appalled by himself. Lying right now, especially after he had asked such an insensitive question just minutes ago, would be beyond stupid.

“None,” he answered truthfully, “I’ve never been in any relationship at all.”

Magnus nodded, not seeming too surprised, almost as if he had been expecting that answer. He didn’t comment on it, simply gave a small, encouraging nod to Alec, and the Shadowhunter let himself relax again, at least a little.

“When were you born?”

It was a question Alec had been asking himself for a while now. No one in the Institute had been sure as to when exactly Bane’s date of birth was, and Alec was curious. He was aware that Bane was much older than him, and the warlock had mentioned being alive for many centuries when answering Alec’s last question, but that gave Alec no exact idea as to what the Dom’s age really was.

“I was born somewhere around 1600. I don’t know my exact birthdate, but I’ve always assumed it to be somewhere in December.”

“1600? That’s… a long time ago.”

 _Shut up_ , Alec mentally chided himself. Why had he said that? Telling _anyone_ that they were old was a stupid idea, but telling his _Dom_ was just an entirely different level of utter stupidity. Luckily for Alec, Magnus didn’t seem bothered, just laughed a little, shaking his head. 

“It is. But then again, most warlocks are centuries old. Catarina, for example, is about as old as me. Ragnor, who’s another dear friend of mine, is even older.”

Alec nodded, head swimming. He allowed himself to release the breath he had been holding now that Bane did not seem too offended by Alec’s question.

“What’s your favourite rune?” asked Bane, a sudden change of topic, leaning forward a little. “I know some Shadowhunters are a bit peculiar about their runes. Do you have a favourite?”

“Not really. Almost all of them are equally useful to me. If I had to decide, I would probably choose the stealth rune.”

Magnus nodded, his eyes flitting all over Alec’s body, as if he were searching for the mentioned rune, trying to see it underneath Alec’s clothes. It made Alec cheeks burn, and he leaned back a little.

“It’s on my shoulder,” he added, making Bane look up with a small smile, “a place that’s easy to reach.”

Bane nodded again, now focussing on Alec’s face again and the Shadowhunter let out a small breath. He wasn’t used to being stared at so intently, not like Magnus was doing. There had been nothing mean or inappropriate in the warlock’s gaze, simply curiosity, but still.  
Alec was more used to disappearing in the background rather than having that much attention directed towards him. It was just a natural side effect of living with Jace and Izzy, who were both much louder and interesting than he was. Next to them, many tended to ignore him at first.

“I like your choice,” remarked Bane, “stealth seems like an excellent choice. Not what I expected, but it’s a good one. Your turn to ask, if you still want to.”

Alec nodded, thinking about what to ask. There was a question he had had ever since the warlock had proposed this game, but he hadn’t quite dared asking it, too afraid of angering the Dom. It became increasingly harder not to ask though, the question weighing on his mind. And with how positive Bane had reacted to his questions so far, Alec reasoned, he probably wouldn’t mess up too badly if he did indeed dare to ask.

Hopefully.

“Why,” Alec began, forcing himself to look at Bane, “why have you agreed to this Bond? Is it just for the peace?”

His heart was beating faster now, and his hands were beginning to sweat, Alec noticed, but there was nothing much he could do about that. He tried to inconspicuously wipe his hands on his pants, already regretting having asked the question. If he had dared ask Delaney a question even half as intrusive and inappropriate as this one, his punishment would have been hell.

Once more, however, Bane surprised him. He _smiled_ at Alec’s question, leaning back a little, still looking utterly relaxed and at ease.

“I thought that this question might come up some time and I’m glad you asked. I know your parents solely wanted this Bond for the peace, and to answer your question, yes, that was also the main reason why I agreed to it. The peace between us and you is not the most stable one as I’m sure you are aware of, and I was – and am – willing to do a lot in order to keep and strengthen the peace. However, I can’t deny that I was also… interested, to a certain extent. You fascinated me, Alexander, and when your parents offered, I accepted gladly. I hope that you’re not displeased by that. I really do want this Bond to eventually become one we’re both happy with.”

Alec nodded, once more finding himself unable to say anything. Bane’s answer had been a little formal, but nevertheless heartfelt, or at least that was how it had seemed to him. The naïve, hopeful part inside of him, the one both his family and Delaney had tried to squash, stirred, and Alec tried to repress it like Delaney would have ordered him to do.

Hope, emotional dependency was what made him and every other Sub weak, Alec knew that. No matter how nice the warlock’s words were, no matter how much Alec desired a Bond that would at least resemble a functioning relationship and not the horrors Delaney and many other Shadowhunters wanted for him, he couldn’t afford to hope for that.

From what Alec knew about Bane, the likelihood that all his childish dreams would be fulfilled was incredibly small, and from what he knew about himself, he would ruin any chance he got for a good Bond simply by being himself.

Nevertheless, Alec dared smiling at Bane, an expression that probably seemed entirely forced. Magnus, however, merely smiled back, his smile broad and honest.

“Thank you for your answer,” Alec said because he felt that he had to say anything at all, at least, “and I hope so, too. That our Bond will be a good one, I mean.”

Bane simply broadened his grin in response, nodding once before picking up his drink.

“Would you maybe like to call your siblings later?” he asked after taking a sip, “as I said you won’t be able to seem them for at least another two weeks, but you can always call them, if you want. I know that some Doms are a bit strict regarding that, but please know that you can talk to your sibling whenever you want. They’re also very welcome here, after the initial phase has passed. After all, this is now your home as much as mine.”

“I can’t,” said Alec, because quite honestly, he did not know how to respond to such an entirely unexpected and inexplicably kind statement. Therefore, he focussed on the one part of Bane’s words that he at the very least could react to. “Call them, I mean. I had to leave my phone at the Institute.”

At that, Bane’s eyebrows shot up. It was the most emotion Alec had seen him display so far, except for happiness or mild curiosity. 

“Did your parents make you do that?”

Alec nodded, subconsciously holding his own drink a little tighter. He didn’t know why that shocked Bane so much. He had always been told that cutting most of the ties with his family would be the best for him and his Bond. Judging from the frown on Bane’s face, however, the warlock had neither heard about what Alec had assumed was normal procedure, nor was he too happy about it.

“You can call them from my phone,” Bane said. “If you ever want to text or call them, just ask me and I’ll lend you my phone, unless I need it in that moment. In about two weeks we can go buy a phone for you, but it’d be better if neither of us left the flat at least for the time being – being newly Bonded and all that.”

Bane took a sip of his drink, his eyes still fixed on Alec, looking thoughtful.

“But yes, if you want to contact your siblings or anyone else, just ask me and I’ll lend you my phone. I promise not to read the texts and if you’d feel better, you can always delete them after you’re done texting.”

Alec’s head was swimming, still trying to process that new information. Just about nothing Bane had just said made sense. He would be allowed to use his Dom’s phone? Not only that, but Magnus would buy him a new phone when they went out again _and_ he had said that he wouldn’t read the texts Alec sent to his siblings?

It made no sense, it seemed like an offer that was too good to be true. So far, Bane was being entirely different to what Alec had been in any way expecting, and even though he felt the slightest bit of relief at this, it also came with a whole new rush of fear and anxiety.

After all, if Bane was so wildly different to what Alec had been preparing for, had been trained for, how should he know what Bane expected of him? How should he know how to please this strange Dom, how to be what Bane wanted him to be?

Not knowing any of those things could be dangerous for Alec, as it would mean that he’d slip up or fail much more often than he would have otherwise – which in turn would lead to much more pain. If he didn’t know how Bane wanted him to behave, he would very likely end up upsetting the warlock way to soon and much too often. Alec had been trained from a Shadowhunter’s Dom perspective, but apparently, Downworlders – or simply Bane - were different.

The thought of slipping up and displeasing Bane simply because of a difference in culture made Alec’s insides clench. It would likely take some time to figure out everything Bane wanted from him, and in the meantime, that would lead to a lot of pain on Alec’s side.

However, no matter how different Bane was from other Doms, he was not going to differ from them when it came to his expectations of basic decency and respect. And Alec still had to thank him for his unusually generous and kind offer of using his phone.  
He knew that Doms were big on being thanked properly. There had been times where Delaney had kept him for much longer than what their sessions usually lasted for, just because he felt that Alec hadn’t thanked him properly or submissively enough. Not even when the younger Shadowhunter had used every thrice-damned honorific he could think of and had once, after a particularly brutal and humiliating scene, knelt and attempted to hug Delaney’s legs in a gesture of submission and an obvious display of how mentally and physically taxing some of their scenes had been.

Alec didn’t know what Bane expected in return for his generosity – would the warlock enjoy seeing him beg, like Delaney had? Or would he demand something more physical, something that either left scars or ended in the bedroom?

Alec didn’t know and also wasn’t keen on finding out sooner than strictly necessary. He tried to give his best when thanking Bane verbally, trying to sound as sincere and submissive as possible. Maybe it would please Bane, being offered thanks in such a way, and any other things he would demand later on would possibly be less harsh than they would have been otherwise.

“Thank you, that is- very kind of you. I… I’ll make sure you won’t regret it. Thank you, Sir.”

Damnit. Apparently, Alec had failed spectacularly at his goal if the way Bane grimaced at his words was any indicator. And once more, he had fucked up without even knowing what exactly he’d done wrong. Had he been too forward, maybe?

“Please don’t call me ‘Sir’,” said Bane, answering Alec’s unspoken question, “it’s not really a form of address I enjoy. As I’ve said earlier, just ‘Magnus’ is completely fine. No need to be too traditional or old-fashioned here. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a tad more… open-minded than most Shadowhunters.”

That sentence was accompanied by a small wink, so at least Alec couldn’t have messed up _too_ badly.

“Right,” he said, clearing his throat when the words didn’t want to come out at first, “I’m sorry. Uh, thanks. Magnus.”

The warlock gave a small smile at that and leaned back, relaxing entirely once more.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s your turn to ask again – twice, since I asked two questions in a row. Or would you rather do something else?”

Alec shook his head quickly. Magnus for sure had given him many outs already, and he probably ought to take them, but right now, he saw no reason to do so. This weird game of Bane’s was still safe, or at least a great deal safer than just about anything else the day might bring. Here, he at least knew what to expect, and so far, the questions Bane had asked had been surprisingly tame – neither too intrusive nor too humiliating. Stopping this game, however, could lead to a variety of things, innocent ones as well as extremely painful ones, and Alec wasn’t about to risk that. He’d be damned before he threw away what little safety he had right now.

“I’d like to continue,” he said, voice just a tad hesitant. Bane nodded as if he’d been expecting that answer and Alec allowed himself to relax a little again.

Apparently, said relaxation and the general surprising lack of negative or painful reactions to any of his questions had made Alec bold, since the next question was even less thought-through than his previous one had been.

“Is this your first Bond?”

He winced immediately after asking it, bracing himself in case Bane tried to strike him for such impudence. The Dom merely watched him closely, an indecipherable look on his face, not even raising his hand. Then, he slowly nodded.

“Yes. I’ve been in relationships before, as we have just discussed – and I’m sure you have heard quite a bit about them – but I’ve never been Bonded to anyone. I guess it just never... felt right to me. There was one person with whom I considered a Bond, some time ago, but that didn’t work out. It was for the better, in the end.”

Bane gave Alec a small, absent-minded smile, running his finger around the rim of his glass in a distracted motion. “But yes, this is my first Bond so I can’t promise that I’ll be any good at this. So please, when I mess up along the way, just tell me, yes? Forget all that old-fashioned talk about the Dom always being correct – we’re also just people, and we’re bound to misstep, as well. I know I sometimes tend to be a bit… too much, in some regards. So, just tell me when I do something that makes you uncomfortable, yes? That goes for every aspect of this Bond – living together, being together in public and also scening.”

Alec gave a quick, somewhat committal hum, not trusting his voice enough to respond properly. There was no way he would ever tell Bane when the warlock “messed up” as he had put it, simply because Bane wouldn’t ever mess up. If there was something Alec had learned from his forced sessions back at the Institute, it was that the Dom was always right, no matter how wrong they really were.

If Alec would even so much as attempt to tell Bane about something he perceived as a mistake, the outcome was bound to be very ugly for him. Yes, Doms were also just people, just like everyone else, but in Alec’s experience, they made the rules. And according to their rules, they might just as well be Gods, untouchable and without flaws.

Bane nodded, seemingly not perturbed at Alec’s short answer and indicated to the Shadowhunter to keep questioning. Alec bit his lip. There was one question he had _really_ wanted to ask since the beginning, one that had been on his mind ever since he had first seen Bane (and before that). One that was even more important to him than knowing how many Bonds Bane had been in, or how many people he had dated.

It was a forbidden question to ask, entirely taboo, and both Delaney and his father would probably have dragged him to the training rooms and whipped him until he was bloody, had they heard him ask it. But he had to ask, he had to know what he was getting himself into. He remembered Izzy’s and Jace’s comforting words, imagined them by his side, encouraging him.

“What”, he asked, his throat dry and scratchy, “what are you… what do you like when scening? What are you into?”

Alec bit his lip hard after having asked the question, at first not even daring to look up at the warlock, instead focussing on his hands, clutched tightly around his glass. It wasn’t his place to ask – he find out sooner or later anyways, and Bane had every right to do whatever he wanted to Alec without warning or notifying him beforehand. Delaney already would have punished him just for asking such a question. After all why did he need to know?

No matter what Bane was into, Alec had to play along either way. Knowing it beforehand might reassure him, yes, but he doubted that any Dom would care about reassuring their Sub when it came to something as simple and natural as scening.

Once more, however, Bane didn’t raise his hand to hit Alec, nor did he snap at him. He merely gave a small, somewhat sad smile and leaned back a little, his eyes leaving Alec’s face, focussing somewhere over Alec’s shoulder.

“That’s a great and absolutely vital question, Alexander, I’m glad you asked. I assume that your, what was it – training master? Well, I assume that your training master told you that Doms as a whole generally like the same things, didn’t he?”

Alec nodded, a knot forming un the pit of his stomach. Bane’s answer was as elusive as could be and he did not like the direction it seemed they were heading in.

The warlock hummed thoughtfully, closing his eyes for just a moment before opening them again, now looking Alec in the face.

“Well, in theory, he isn’t wrong. From what I’ve learned over the years, most – if not all Doms first and foremost like taking care of their Subs in one way or another. It’s like an instinct, a need, a bit like Subs need to be taken care of, in certain ways. That’s not to say that Subs are incompetent or vulnerable,” he added quickly, apparently having noticed the way Alec had tensed up momentarily, “not at all. It’s just that it’s… balanced, in a way – you being taken care of and someone else taking care of you.”

“In that, I’d say,” Bane continued, “Doms indeed are all the same. Though Shadowhunter Doms with their, ah, attitude towards Shadowhunter Subs have tested that theory quite a bit recently. Now, if we are talking about _me_ specifically, then that general rule of thumb can also be applied. I also like taking care of my Subs – or partners, in general – just as much as the next Dom would.”

Bane took a sip of his drink, giving Alec a few precious seconds to process his answer. So far, Bane had not revealed any of his actual preferences during this whole sweettalking monologue, and Alec wasn’t sure whether that was a bad sign or not.

“In the way I differ from most Doms, maybe,” Bane continued, “is that I prefer somewhat… unusual methods, let’s call them. Both when taking care of my Sub and also when taking them down.”

Alec’s breath caught in his throat. He had gone tense again, as if preparing for an attack by an enemy he was yet unfamiliar with, and his heartrate had picked up in speed. This was not good.  
Bane not wanting, not ‘preferring’ the usual methods, _the things Alec had been trained to endure_ was not good at all.

It meant that he had no idea what he was preparing for, meant that he had no idea at all how to please the warlock. And it probably meant a whole lot more pain, too. Bane likely knew many more ways of hurting someone than Delaney did, seeing as he had been alive for much longer, and from what he had just said – or how it had sounded to Alec, at the very least – he also enjoyed putting that knowledge to good use.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

“Of course,” Bane continued, completely oblivious to Alec’s state of increasing panic, “I also enjoy certain traditional methods, I like to mix and match. I like incorporating a bit of magic, sometimes, if my partners are comfortable with that, but in general, I like to spoil my Subs, make them feel good.”  
“I don’t enjoy pain too much, though I’m not entirely opposed to it. I simply prefer taking my Subs down gently, taking care of them and having them take care of me, service me. I like to have them kneeling at my feet. I enjoy feeding them or them letting me make the decisions for a day. I enjoy seeing them happy, blissful, even, and so deep in Subspace that they feel like they are floating. Teasing them, sometimes, and taking them to their limits, but never further, and almost never in a painful manner. I like willing submission, appreciate initiation on my Sub’s part, and most of all, I enjoy seeing them enjoying themselves just as much as I am – if not more.”

Bane had started gesticulating a little during his answer, his eyes twinkling, and a small flush had risen to his cheeks. He smiled, as if the mere thought of everything he had just described was enough to make him happy. 

Bonding hormones, Alec thought distantly, hadn’t he read somewhere that after a new Bond, both the Dom and Sub were more emotional, more excitable due to the Bonding Hormones? The same Hormones that would make Alec more dependent on his Dom at first, would make him more likely to drop, seemed to make Bane a bit more… soft, apparently.  
He couldn’t really think much more about that, not when he was still busy deciphering Bane’s answer, taking apart every word he had said, what the warlock had looked like when he had said it.

It had to be utter crap, of course, nothing of what Bane had just described could have been true, not even remotely. What Dom didn’t like inflicting pain? Who on earth would be satisfied by just seeing their Sub enjoy themselves, seeing their Sub being greedy?

Alec had never heard of anyone just wanting their Sub to service them, out of their own free will, no less. Everything Bane had described had been so… tame, for lack of a better word. Alec had been taught by almost all of the older Shadowhunter Doms around him – or those that even bothered talking to him after he had presented, at the very least – that Doms enjoyed seeing their Subs in pain, enjoyed disciplining them. And that apparently, Subs enjoyed it, too. 

They needed a firm hand, Alec had been taught, and allegedly, after some time – or right away, if they were ‘submissive enough’ – they liked it, liked being at their Doms mercy, liked the pain and humiliation, got off on it. It sounded like complete crap to Alec’s ears, for who would willingly endure pain, who could _like_ it? But then again, if everyone said so, if this was knowledge that had been passed down from generation to generation, if that was something that, apparently, was true for so many Subs out there…

Maybe _he_ was wrong? Maybe enjoying and seeking out pain was natural for a Sub, and maybe Alec really did just need a ‘firm hand’ to realise himself that he was no different in that regard. That he, too, needed submission through pain.

It was a terrifying thought, not at all made better by the knowledge that no matter how convincing Bane’s speech may have sounded, at least a good half of it must have been a complete and utter lie. Yes, maybe Bane did enjoy pushing his Subs towards their limits, using some magic on them and having them service him. That, Alec could easily believe.

But the rest? All the gentleness, all the _comfort_ Bane had talked about, all the things about the warlock wanting his Subs to enjoy themselves? Utter and complete bullshit. If his father and Delaney had taught him anything at all, it was that Doms enjoyed making their Subs hurt. And that, inevitably, after enough ‘convincing’, after enough pain, their Subs would also enjoy that kind of treatment.

There was no doubt in Alec’s mind that Bane was merely trying to make himself appear nicer, more approachable and gentler. It probably would be beneficial for the warlock, to first gain Alec’s trust, at least to a certain extent, before he revealed his true nature.

Bane had to know about everything the Shadowhunters said about Downworlder Doms. He must know about how brutal, how animalistic, how gruesome they were said to be, and in order to keep the peace (and keep up the pretence), Bane must have decided to try and gain Alec’s trust by taking all the rumours - and facts - and pretending to be the complete opposite. And apparently, if that involved lying more than Alec had thought one person ever could lie, then so be it.

Alec felt sick. He wanted to scream at Bane, shake him, tell him that he knew exactly what the other man was doing, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything but nod and hum a little, hoping that this was response enough for the man who had apparently decided to try and gain his trust.

What for, Alec would likely find out soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your comments on the last chapter! I hope you liked this one :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

The rest of the day had gone by rather uneventfully. They had finished their game of questions and Alec had learned some more about Bane, but still, he did not feel he could judge him correctly. The warlock was so different from what Alec had expected, _tamer_ for lack of a better word, and that unsettled Alec more than if everything he suspected about Bane had been true.

Right now, they were making dinner together – and that was also something Alec also would never have expected, a _Dom_ cooking food out of their own free will when their Sub could have done it alone as well – and Bane was chatting merely, jumping from one topic to another, without much continuity. 

“I have let my clients know that for the next few weeks I will be taking a break. Taking some time off is something I haven’t done in way too long, and since I now have the perfect excuse, why not use it?”

Magnus flashed Alec a big smile which the Shadowhunter returned, if somewhat pained. He wouldn’t have minded Bane having a few clients – it would give Alec an idea of how Bane acted around others and additionally, he feared that he wouldn’t last three more _months_ alone with Bane. The warlock already was entirely different from everyone Alec knew – louder, more talkative, just much _more_ in general - and Alec didn’t know whether or not he could handle months of being confined with someone so different from him. Not to mention the fact that as long as they were alone, Bane could do _whatever he wanted to him_ , but Alec gave his best not to dwell on that particular thought for too long. 

“Really, though,” Bane said, shaking his head and looking at the pot of spaghetti that was currently on the stove, “how did your lovely sister manage to mess _this_ up?”

Bane had decided that they would eat spaghetti tonight, homemade, after he had heard just how bad Izzy had butchered the meal one time. Alec hadn’t protested – it was a simple and tasty meal, even if making sauce from scratch, like the warlock had insisted on doing, took a little longer. For now, Alec was simply glad that cooking was the only thing he was being asked to do and he was determined to make the most of it.  
Bane mostly carried the conversation, Alec still being a little hesitant about answering him. He wasn’t the most talkative person anyways, and he still had no clue how Bane wanted him to respond, so he kept his answers as short as possible without being disrespectful. Over time, however, Alec felt himself relax a little, almost against his will. For now, at least, there seemed to be no imminent danger, with Bane being relaxed and laughing and Alec allowed himself to lower his guard a little. 

The cooking didn’t take too long, and Bane asked Alec to set the table while he brought their food and drinks. The warlock sat down with a smile and Alec, who hadn’t quite dared sitting down before the Dom, took a seat with a small, halting smile.

“Well then,” Bane said, “enjoy your meal. It’s been some time since I’ve actually cooked something myself, but since you were there to help, it should be edible.”

Alec nodded in response, waiting until Magnus took a bite before he too started to eat. It was good, definitely better than Izzy’s food ever had been, and he found himself enjoying their meal, relaxing a little further while he ate and listened to Bane telling a tale about a trip to Hawaii he had had a few years prior.

Bane seemed relaxed and happy, which was good for Alec. The day had passed quickly without anything noteworthy happening except for their game of questions and so far, Bane – Magnus – hadn’t slipped once. There hadn’t even been so much as a hint that his carefree, nice behaviour was an act, and despite better judgement, Alec could feel the first tendril of doubt creeping in. What if Bane really wasn’t as bad as everyone had told him?

He tried squashing that thought as soon as it had come. He had spent less than a week with the other man, could not judge his character based on that, and Alec was rational, not hopeful.

He would wait and see, and if somehow, miraculously, Magnus still remained as genuine and kind as he was being right now, then maybe Alec could start to relax and open up. For now, however, he would be careful about what he said, how he behaved and would not let himself be tricked by a few nice words and bright smiles.

The food was pretty good, a far cry from what Izzy had whipped up, and Alec told Bane so. It wouldn’t hurt, complimenting his Dom, after all.

Magnus accepted the compliment with a broad smile. “Thank you. I enjoy cooking, though I haven’t done it in a long time. I used to cook for Cat sometimes, and I miss it a bit, actually. Maybe you being here will also do me good in that regard – we could cook together from time to time if you’d like to.”

Alec nodded. While he was supposed to cook _for_ his Dom, not _with_ him, it would be absolutely no hardship to adapt. It was a bit unusual for a Dom to have cooking as their hobby, but then again, Izzy enjoyed it too, and it was entirely harmless, as far as hobbies went.

“What about you?” Bane asked conversationally, “I know you enjoy training, but do you have any other hobbies? Anything you mentioned earlier you want to elaborate on?”

“I read. I try to spend as much time as I can with my siblings, and I love archery. Not just because I fight mainly with the bow, but just because using a bow and an arrow for fun and not only as a weapon, is…” Alec broke off, shaking his head, smiling a little at his plate of spaghetti. “I love it. It is one of the best feelings.”

Bane smiled at that, a big, genuine smile from what Alec could tell.

“I must say, I’ve never tried archery myself, but I have always admired the sport. It is beautiful to watch. I’d be honoured if you’d let me watch some time while you were training.”

Alec nodded at that, smiling a little. For once, the expression didn’t feel forced.

They finished their dinner in silence and when Alec rose to do the dishes, Magnus merely snapped his fingers and just like that, the dishes were clean. Magnus smirked at Alec’s apparently quite surprised expression, and led him to the sofa once more. It seemed to be Bane’s favourite spot in the flat with how often he was on it.

Now, too, Bane made himself comfortable. The smirk had softened into a relaxed smile, and with a flicker of his wrist, a drink suddenly landed in Alec’s hand.

“Non-alcoholic,” Bane need, “I want you sober for this conversation.”

Alec frowned, suddenly slightly tense again. What conversation were they about to have? The one where Bane revealed all his secrets, where he laughed at how foolish, how stupidly naïve Alec had been at believing Bane’s sweet lies? Because by now, Alec had had this conversation so often with himself in his own head that he could write Bane a script if the warlock wanted one.

“So, form what I know, and from what little I’ve heard from you in that regard, you Shadowhunters are very… traditional when it comes to Bonding, right? You value the traditional – outdated, if I might add – roles that Subs and Doms are supposed to fulfil. But I must admit, the last time I actually spoke in depth about that to a Shadowhunter was in the late nineteenth century, so I might be a bit wrong with my assessment.”

Bane paused for a second, taking a sip of his own drink. Alec hummed, not really answering, because what was he supposed to say? What did Bane _want_ him to say?

“So, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to hear a bit about how Shadowhunters see Doms and Subs, what they think their respective roles are and how they should behave. In detail, please. Because I’m afraid that our cultural values might differ quite dramatically, and I do not want that to cause unnecessary tension between us.”

Alec clenched his teeth, forcing himself not to openly frown at the Dom, or worse yet, snap at him. Bane had been playing some strange game from the beginning on, and lately, it had started to become exhausting and more obvious. And quite frankly, Alec was growing sick of it. All the walls that had slowly, ever so slowly started to come down, snapped up again, strong, unmoving now.

What did it matter how Shadowhunters saw Subs, how they saw Doms? Bane wasn’t a Shadowhunter, he could treat Subs in whatever way he damn well pleased because he was a Downworlder. If Alec was used to being treated differently, if the D/S dynamic was different in his worlds compared to Magnus’s, then that was ultimately his problem. _Magnus_ wouldn’t be the one who would have to conform to new rules, live up to new expectations – that would all be Alec.

Bane was still just watching Alec, a patient look on his face. Alec wanted to tell the warlock everything he was thinking, wanted to tell him that it didn’t matter if they had ‘different cultural values’, because somehow, Alec would mess it up anyways, and cultural values would likely not be the reason for that.

But since Alec was quite fond of _not_ being in pain from punishment, he said nothing of the sorts. He merely took a deep breath, setting his drink down before he answered Bane’s question. He wished he had his bow in his hand, his arrows, something he could fiddle with, something he could use to protect himself from whatever would come.

“Subs are beneath Doms. We’re not as strong, we’re not as worthy, we’re not as valuable. We’re… we’re _weak_.” He almost spat out the last word. It was a description he’d heard his whole life for the Subs around him, as few as there were, and now, it was something that could be applied to him, too. Weakness was not something anyone would have connected with him before he had presented. Objectively, Alec wasn’t weak – he was one of the best fighters in the Institute, good at leading others, he listened when the situation called for it, was a good fighter, a strategic thinker. A good Shadowhunter. He wasn’t _weak_. Or at least, he hadn’t been until it had become clear that he was a Sub.

“Subs have to follow their Doms” Alec continued, voice flat, “we have to do as they say. We need to be taken care of and our Doms see to that and therefore, they have control over Scenes, sex, personal life and our work. If a Dom doesn’t want their Sub to work, they don’t. If a Sub misbehaves, they get punished. A Bond can only be broken by a Dom, never a Sub, and Doms have the right to have multiple Subs, while Subs can only be Bonded to one Dom. If, for whatever reason, a Bond is broken, it is highly unlikely that the Sub will ever find a Dom willing to take them in again.”

Alec’s voice was flat, emotionless as he spoke. He should make more of an effort, sound at least somewhat forthcoming to please Bane, he knew that. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. It hurt, saying those words out loud, it felt like giving up, like confirming everything others had ever said about him, about Subs in general. It felt like an admission that burnt his tongue when he voiced it, but would suffocate him if he didn’t.

“We’re weak,” he repeated, looking down at his hands, which were forming lose fists in his lap, “we need to be taken care of, can’t function without it. We’re weak and Doms, they are - _you_ are - strong and therefore you decide.” He looked up at Bane, focussing on the warlock now, making sure to look him in the eyes, “You make the rules. You rule, we follow. You hold the power.”

The words tasted bitter, burnt. Alec wanted to despise Bane for making him say them, making him confirm all the prejudices and stereotypes about Subs, but he found he couldn’t. He didn’t hate Bane specifically, or at least not any more than absolutely everything else about this situation, this Bond, this new, terrible life he had been forced to lead ever since he’d presented.

“Ah,” said Bane, his voice soft, calm, and, if Alec wasn’t mistaken, sad. “I thought that that might be the case.”

He didn’t say anything else for a minute, just looking at Alec with an unreadable expression, seemingly deep in thought. Alec resisted the urge to shift around, keeping his posture rigid, not relaxing for a second. He had no idea how the warlock would react to what Alec had just revealed, and that put him on edge.  
Was Bane currently reconsidering how to treat Alec? After all, he could always say that he wanted to make Alec feel “at home”, thus from now on mistreating him in the same way Shadowhunters treated Subs in general.  
Or was Bane shocked at how generous Shadowhunters were with their Subs? Was he possibly used to a different, harsher treatment he could dole out to Downworlder Subs, and was now thinking about how to adapt that to Alec?

When Bane spoke, however, his words once more weren’t what Alec had been expecting.

“Apparently, your ways haven’t much changed in the last century. A shame, really.”

There was something unhappy in Bane’s expression, a hint of displeasure, and Alec fought hard not to let his own emotions show, not to let the warlock see how he was slowly growing worried, afraid, even. If Bane was so dissatisfied with what Alec had told him that the warlock would let his emotions show so clearly, it couldn’t mean anything good for Alec. But where had he misstepped? He had done what Bane had asked, he had answered the Dom’s question truthfully. It wasn’t his fault that Bane apparently did not agree with how Shadowhunters treated their Subs.

“I had hoped for at least a little more progress,” Bane continued smoothly, oblivious to Alec’s inner turmoil, “after all, that one conversation I had with one of your kind was decades ago. He was a bit less detailed and the talk involved a lot more insults, swearing and bottle-smashing, but apart from that, the content was much the same. You really are stuck in the middle ages, aren’t you?”

There was a note of displeasure in Bane’s voice and Alec suppressed the need to apologise. He frowned, surprised at his own emotions. He wasn’t usually like this – eager to please, quick to apologise and easily worried, at least definitely not when it came to virtual strangers. It made him feel off-kilter, even more so than the conversation he was currently having already did.

“We’re less… let’s say _strict_.” Bane said, still watching Alec closely, “We Downworlders, or at least most of the ones I’ve had the pleasure to meet - which have been a lot, might I add – we don’t view others as less worthy just because they happen to be Subs. Neither if they’re Switches or Neutrals, of course. We don’t differentiate like you do. We’re all just people with different needs, and what exactly those needs or wants are, doesn’t matter.”

Bane leaned forwards, looking intently at Alec, his expression serious as he spoke.

“No one is beneath or above anyone else, Alexander. We are all people, no matter if Dom, Sub, Neutral or Switch. There’s no difference in worth.”

The words were simple, but said with emphasis, and oh, how Alec wanted to believe them. Bane was describing what Alec secretly felt, what he dreamt about and he wished for – to be seen as equal to everyone else, regardless of the fact that he was a Sub – but he couldn’t quite believe the warlock, even though everything in him yearned for it.

After all, Bane was a Dom, and a powerful one at that. And for people such as him, people in power, it was all too easy to believe, that everything was perfectly fair and even in the world. It is easy to fool yourself that the bottom isn’t so bad, if you have only ever been at the top.

But Alec would rather stab himself in the thigh than say something like that to Bane, and therefore, he just nodded. The warlock looked at him for a second longer before he nodded himself, leaning back a little.

“That is not to say that we don’t scene in the way you are likely used to. We talked about that yesterday – not matter if Shadowhunter or Downworlder, the general, biological needs of Doms and Subs are the same. There is a power exchange, yes, but only when all parties agree to it, and for the most part, those power exchanges happen during scening, and therefore most often not in public. No Sub has to follow their Dom if they don’t actively want to.”

Before Alec could come up with an appropriate answer to that, to absolutely anything of what he had just learnt, Bane’s phone, which had been laying on the sofa, buzzed loudly. The warlock picked it up with a frown, looking not too pleased as he read the new message. He stood up with a sigh, still frowning at his phone, and the quickly typed back a response.

Magnus turned to Alec with a small, almost apologetic smile, pocketing his phone again. 

“If you’d excuse me for a moment, I have to talk to a client I’d normally see tomorrow. I haven’t been able to reach her yet to tell her that I will not be taking any clients for the next few weeks because of the new Bond. I’m sorry for having to cut this short.”

Alec nodded and made to stand as well, silently grieving the fact that he’d have to leave the rather comfortable sofa, when Bane held out a hand, stopping him.

“Please don’t. Don’t worry, you don’t have to stand when I stand. Just sit back and relax, read a book, if you’d like to. The call shouldn’t take too long, and afterwards, we can discuss the next few days in a little more detail, if you’d like.”

“Okay. That sounds good.”

Alec tried for a smile, not having the energy to come up with a more thankful response, but he had the strong suspicion that it fell flat. Bane merely chuckled, luckily apparently willing to ignore his Sub’s rudeness for now.

As Magnus walked to the door, phone already in one hand again, he extended his arms as he went past Alec, touching the Shadowhunter’s shoulder for the briefest of moments. The contact drew Alec’s attention, and he looked up at the warlock sharply, already tensing up at what would come. Bane, however, did not look angry, but rather spoke gently, and his touch did not turn into a painful grip, like Alec had expected.

“And, Alexander? With Downworlders and their Bonds, it is entirely acceptable and legal for either Dom or Sub to break a Bond if it doesn’t work out. There is no shame in that.”

And with those words, the warlock left the room, not looking back at Alec. The spot where he had touched Alec’s left shoulder tingled, feeling warm. Alec was left to stare at the doorway through which Magnus had just vanished, his head one giant mess of emotions and questions.

\---

Alec got ready for bed not even an hour later. He had sat on the couch for another couple minutes before he’d gotten up and tried to read a book like Bane had told him to do. However, he’d found simply couldn’t concentrate, too keyed up to read, and therefore that particular project was quickly abandoned. His thoughts always came back to the conversation he had had with the Dom, circling again and again around what Bane had claimed to be true for Subs in the Downworlder’s world.

What Bane had told him about how Downworlders viewed their Subs had sounded like something straight out of a fairy-tale. Seemingly total equality? The ability to end a Bond himself? Of course, Alec knew he would never terminate their Bond – he would never risk the peace just out of sheer selfishness – but the mere knowledge that in theory, it would be possible… It sounded too good to be true.  
Alec decided to be careful with what he believed of Magnus’s speech, because so far, everything Bane had told him had been just a bit _too_ perfect. It all had sounded too much like what Alec had always wished for, and if there was one lesson he had learnt, it was that he only very rarely got what he wanted.

Bane’s call was lasting much longer than the warlock had said it would and Alec figured that if Bane was currently otherwise occupied anyways, he likely wouldn’t mind if Alec took a quick shower before their next talk.

He slipped into his room quickly, grabbing his clothes and then went to the bathroom, locking the door carefully. Of course, there was always the risk that Bane’s call would end before Alec was done and that he would be pissed that Alec wasn’t waiting for him. If the warlock was really angry, a locked door would be the last thing to keep him out of the bathroom, but Alec needed what little safety and privacy he could get.

He undressed quickly, eager to get under the warm water. He had been feeling a little weird for some time now, the feeling becoming more prominent roughly after dinner. It had been lurking around yesterday as well, though much less noticeable than it was today. Alec couldn’t yet exactly pinpoint what it was, but he had realised that his emotional reactions tended to go a bit overboard today – he was much more affected by how Bane reacted to him, as well as the emotions the warlock expressed himself. Alec felt a little uncomfortable in his skin as well, as if his body was suddenly too small to accommodate him properly.

It was a weird feeling, an uncomfortable one, and Alec hoped that it was just the stress and anxiety of the past few days catching up with him. Because if it wasn’t… If it wasn’t, then Alec had a much bigger problem than anticipated.

Alec chased that thought away as soon as it had come. No. His last scene had been not even a week ago, there was no way he was already dropping. All his weird feelings simply came from this foreign, uncomfortable situation he had found himself in, nothing else.

With that thought firmly in mind, Alec cranked up the heat, letting the warm water rain down on him to try and wash away the tension.

\---

When Alec emerged from the shower, he was surprised to see Bane standing at the door to his room, hand raised, clearly ready to knock. When Bane saw him, he turned to face Alec, a smile on his lips. He let his hand drop to his side, one of his many rings catching the light.

“Alexander! I was just about to come to you. I must apologise that the call has taken a little longer than anticipated – the lady I talked to really was rather insistent that her appointment cannot be postponed.”

Bane rolled his eyes at that, though he was still smiling. An answering smile tugged at Alec’s mouth, much to his surprise, and he quickly covered it with his hand. Smiling just because his Dom seemed to be happy? That wasn’t exactly a good sign and did nothing to help Alec convince himself that he wasn’t feeling the beginnings of a drop.

“Anyways, I actually just wanted to ask if there was anything special you’d like to do in the next few days. I know it’s unusual to go out so soon after a Bonding and if you feel uncomfortable with that, we don’t have to, but I was thinking of maybe buying you some clothes? You really didn’t bring much with you, and everyone can use a fully stocked wardrobe. And by ‘buying’, I mean conjuring it here, since we’re not really allowed to leave the flat.”

The suggestion took Alec by surprise. It was generous, even with Bane not needing to spend any money due to his magic.

“I do not have any special wishes, no. And looking for clothes sounds-“ _absolutely terrible_ , “great. Thanks.”

Alec grimaced, hoping that the lie had been at least somewhat believable. Bane didn’t say anything, merely tilted his head a little, frowning a little. 

“If you’d rather wait a bit, then that’s entirely fine, too,” he said slowly, “I don’t mind. If need be, you can always borrow some of my clothes, or we just do the laundry much more often. It is no problem either way.”

He sounded as if he meant it, and Alec had to bite his tongue to stop himself from admitting that yes, he would rather not have a private modelling show for Bane, be all dolled up in whatever Magnus would want to see him in. But Bane has sounded as if he wanted Alec to, get some new clothes, and Alec would not make himself appear weak by refusing that. He wasn’t at all eager to ‘go shopping’ with the Dom – he had hated shopping with Izzy, as well, and she had at least let him choose his own clothes, something which Alec doubted Bane would let him do – but he did not want to reveal any potential weaknesses that Bane could possibly exploit.

He had already become a bit too comfortable when they had prepared dinner today, but if he was extra cautious about everything else, he would likely not fall into any traps Bane might have set out for him.

That was another thought Alec had had during his thankfully relaxing shower – what if this, too had been a trap? What if, just like Bane’s alleged (and obviously made-up or at least romanticised) preferences during scening, all his nice, too-good-to-be-true descriptions of how Subs were treated among Downworlders were a trap, a trick to see just how gullible Alec was? An attempt to let everything Alec had ever wanted dangle in front of his nose, just for Bane to take it away later.

“I would like to go shopping,” Alec forced out, sounding very much like he would rather shoot himself with his own bow and arrow, “thank you for the offer.”

Bane merely hummed at that, not saying anything. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and Alec couldn’t help but notice with a slight flinch that Bane had balled his hands into fists. He looked at the rings the warlock was wearing, taking in just how many of them Bane had. He knew from experience that getting hit when the other person was wearing one single ring on their finger hurt, and he did not exactly want to find out how it was if someone was wearing multiple.

“Ookay, then,” Bane said, dragging out the ‘o’, “if you say so. Then we will. Let’s say tomorrow some time after breakfast?”

This was a challenge, Alec realised with a sinking feeling. Somewhere, he had misstepped, said the wrong thing, and now Bane really _was_ testing him. There was a right answer and a wrong one and Alec was sure that whatever he said now, it would be the wrong thing to do.

He let his eyes search Bane’s face for a moment, studying the Dom like he would an attacker, looking for clues, for any weaknesses. He hadn’t ever really _looked_ , he realised. He’d been taught not to look a Dom in the eyes, and even though he normally struggled a lot with that stupid rule, he had sort of been doing just that with Bane. Now, though, now that he really looked, he saw a lot of things he had previously missed on Magnus’s face.

Faint smile lines around Bane’s eyes, which he took as a good sign. The challenge that was visible in those eyes, the way the warlock’s eyebrows were raised just the tiniest bit, but also the slightest hint of a smile playing around his lips. The smile calmed Alec down somewhat. Bane was handsome – not that that was news to Alec, but it only hit him now just _how_ attractive Magnus was. The sudden realisation made Alec reel a bit, and blinking twice, he quickly tore his eyes away from Bane’s face, looking down the hallway instead.

“Sounds good,” he said, his voice thankfully even, “looking forward to it.”

At that, Bane had the audacity to laugh out loud. 

“I’m sure,” he replied smoothly, his smile now entirely visible “me too. Were you heading to bed?”

Alec nodded, forcing his eyes back to Bane’s. He allowed himself to focus on the smile lines, tracking them. If someone smiled a lot, it had to be a good sign, didn’t it? It had to.

“Yes. Unless you wanted me to stay up.”

Bane’s face fell at that, all the humour vanishing within seconds. Slowly, Alec was beginning to consider if _he_ would slap himself sooner than Bane would ever raise hand to him. He certainly had the urge to do so, seeing Bane now carefully neutral expression.

“Not at all. You obviously don’t need my permission to go to sleep or anything like that, either. I was thinking of going to bed, soon, anyways. But before I do that-“

Bane took a step towards Alec and the Shadowhunter blanched. Right. Bane likely wanted to sleep _with him_ , something which somehow, had slipped Alec’s mind completely. Damn it. And he hadn’t even prepared he wasn’t prepared _at all_ , neither mentally nor physically, and what if Bane had any _expectations_ \- 

“- I wanted to offer you this.” 

Alec’s head snapped up, focussing on what Bane was now holding out to him instead of the panic slowly spreading in is guts. It was a phone, his mind supplied. Magnus’s phone.

“We talked about that earlier,” Bane continued, hand still outstretched, “and as I said, if you’d like to contact your siblings, you can use my phone until you have your own again. So, if you’d like to…”

With his free hand, he gestured to the phone, and Alec’s own hand already came up to take it from the warlock, when he stopped. He desperately wanted to take the phone, wanted to contact his siblings, tell them about what had happened so far, but something stopped him.

He knew that if he texted Izzy and Jace now, with his thoughts and emotions all over the place and a potential drop looming over him, likely to come in just a few days, he would probably blow everything out of proportion. He would tell them everything about Bane that put him on edge, how Bane so desperately wanted him to trust him, so much so that he would lie about his preferences as a Dom. How he was unlike anything Alec had ever prepared for, how he would like to use _magic_ in the bedroom and during their scenes.

Everything Alec would say would be negative, and he would entirely forget about all the surprisingly positive things Bane had done so far – how he hadn’t forced him to have sex or to scene yet, how he had given him his own space, how they had cooked together, how he had asked for Alec’s boundaries.

Alec knew that if he took the phone now, he would unload all his fear and anxiety on his siblings, and once he did that, there would be no turning back. If Jace and Izzy got even the faintest idea that Bane was treating Alec poorly, they would personally come over to try and help him – and possibly attempt bodily harm on the warlock. And that, Alec knew, could only end in a catastrophe.

He should refuse.

He should refuse, ask Bane if he could talk to his sibling tomorrow, once he had collected his thoughts a bit more, once he had pulled all his walls up again. He’d probably not feel the impending drop as much tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep, and he’d be much more rational, wouldn’t make his siblings panic as much. And once he had talked to them, he could also tell Bane about the drop that was likely to come in two or three days – he just wanted to consult his siblings about it, first.

It was a gamble, because Alec wasn’t sure if Bane would allow him to use the phone tomorrow still, or if he’d tell him that he’d refused it once and therefore obviously did not want to talk to his sibling, anyways. But it was a gamble Alec was willing to take today, even if his hands were just itching to grab the phone and hide, call his siblings and tell them everything.

With some effort, Alec drew his hand back.

“Thank you,” he said, trying to put as much emotion into the words as he could, “but if you don’t mind, I’d rather talk to them tomorrow. I’m quite… tired, and it’s late already.”

Bane was obviously surprised at that, one eyebrow raised though he nodded and put the phone back in his pocket, Alec’s eyes carefully tracking the movement. 

“Alright,” the warlock said, “then tomorrow it is. Just tell me whenever you want the phone.”

Alec nodded, trying his hand at a thankful smile. It was probably not terribly successful, if Bane’s suddenly worried expression was anything to go by.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I know we don’t really know each other, but you seem slightly… off. Is there something else you need?”

Alec quickly shook his head. No. No, there was absolutely nothing he needed, except maybe a Dom who genuinely cared about him, a Dom who he trusted and whom he could tell that he was likely to start dropping soon. But Bane was none of those things, and therefore, Alec deflected.

“I’m fine, just tired. Thanks again for the offer and the… talk, earlier. I’ll, ah, I’ll go to sleep now?”

It came out sounding too much like a question for permission again, and Alec bit his cheek. The possibility of sex was still on the table, Bane was after all, still very much awake and standing in front of Alec’s bedroom, effectively blocking the entrance. They hadn’t slept with each other yet, hadn’t even kissed or even so much as hugged, and Alec was uncomfortably aware that this was not the norm for newly Bonded couples. In theory, Bane should have fucked him the first night he had slept here, but now was the third night and still, nothing had happened - not that Alec was complaining. But maybe today…?

“Goodnight, Alexander,” Bane said, answering that question, and completely oblivious to Alec’s inner turmoil, smoothly stepping aside, “I hope you sleep well. Get some rest, you look like you need it. Sleep as long as you’d like - except for maybe shopping we don’t exactly have plans tomorrow.”

Bane smiled once more, his laughter lines crinkling, making him seem younger, more innocent maybe. Less like the threat Alec still felt he posed. Then, he stepped around Alec, walking towards his own bedroom. He hesitated with one hand on the doorknob, turning back to Alec. The Shadowhunter already braced himself, tensing, when Bane spoke, his voice softer now.

“You can help yourself to whatever you like tomorrow, there should be plenty of food. Sleep well, Alexander. I hope you’re feeling better tomorrow.”

And with that, Bane vanished into his own room, the door closing with a soft click. And Alec was left to stay in the hallways, arms hanging limply at his sides, confused and feeling just a little bit abandoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this Christmas gift! :)  
> The next chapter will probably take a little longer, as I haven't finished it yet, and am quite busy with university. Thanks a lot to everyone who has commented so far, you really do make my day. And no worries, the story will pick up a bit from here on, and the comfort & care is not quite as far away anymore.  
> Happy holidays, and have a nice day!
> 
> (P.S: I've already started with Magnus's POV to this story, so once this is done... ;) )


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: dropping, mentions of past abuse, dissociation and a very vague description of a panic attack. If you want/need any more info about any of that before reading the chapter, write it in a comment, and I’ll tell you!
> 
> I have taken some liberties when it comes to dropping in this world. In this AU, a Sub can drop if:
> 
> a) They’ve been recently Bonded, and the drop is then induced by (entirely made up) “Bonding Hormones”, which cause an intensified emotional connection between a recently Bonded Dom and Sub  
> b) It’s been too long since they’ve last been taken down/had a scene  
> c) They had either a bad scene or a very intense one (for Alec this happened with Delaney, since he did not enjoy those scenes and had little to no aftercare).
> 
> Though that’s a bit unusual, Alec was sometimes close to dropping pretty immediately after a scene with Delaney, but sometimes managed to “avoid” a drop by either seeking comfort in his siblings or rewarding himself in certain ways and relaxing for a little. In this AU, dropping would ideally be avoided by somewhat regular and consensual, fulfilling scenes, which Alec has not yet been introduced to.
> 
> As you can see, I’ve taken quite some liberties when it comes to dropping, and though this is obviously fictional, if you feel I’ve misrepresented something terribly, please do tell me, as I do not mean to cause any harm.
> 
> Generally, the effects of a drop are largely the same as in real life, just the reasons for why one would occur are slightly different. Also, drops can occur a bit sooner than they often would in real life, meaning that they can (and for Alec did) happen almost directly after a scene.  
> Just as a heads up that the topic of dropping in this fic will not be entirely realistic. 😊
> 
> This is the longest chapter yet, but the following ones will be shorter again, evening out at around 5,000 to 7,000 words. This one is a bit longer than that.  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!

When morning came and Alec opened his eyes, his first conscious thought was that he never wanted to leave this bed again. Even though he had just slept over eight hours, he felt tired, beyond exhausted.  
His body ached as if he had spent the entire night on patrol instead of in a comfortable bed, and there was a strange feeling of neediness in him, mixed with worry and a hint of the bitter sting of abandonment that made his insides clench. Fuck.

He knew those signs.

He’d thought he would have more time before it would begin, he hadn’t felt too bad yesterday, but what he was feeling right now were undoubtedly the beginning stages of a drop. And a heavy one, at that.

Alec brought one hand up to rub over his face before he sat up, pushing the covers away. The floor was cold underneath his feet, and he shivered a little as he made his way to the dresser, yanking out his underwear, some sweatpants and a soft, black t-shirt Izzy had given him a while ago.

He had been wearing jeans in Bane’s flat ever since he’d come here, sweatpants seeming a little too casual, not respectful enough to wear around the warlock. Now, though, he wanted, _craved_ the comfort a soft pair of sweatpants would bring, he wanted to allow himself this luxury.

But he couldn’t. The grey fabric was so soft under his fingertips, comforting and reassuring, but the pants were all wrong. They were _too_ relaxed, they might make it seem as if Alec was getting too comfortable in Magnus’s flat, might make the warlock think that Alec did not even respect him enough to dress appropriately.

Alec clenched his teeth. This was ridiculous. He _knew_ this was ridiculous, knew it was the impending drop that made him feel like this – desperate for attention and affection, for approval, desperate enough that he’d obsess over what _pants_ to wear, by the Angel. But he couldn’t stand the thought of Bane looking at him with disapproval, of that pretty mouth curling into a sneer, disappointment and disgust at his Sub’s clothing choices written all over Bane’s faces.

Would the warlock be mad if he thought Alec didn’t care about what he looked like? Would he think that Alec wasn’t making enough of an effort to appeal to him?

To be honest, Alec wasn’t really making any special effort at all, not when it came to his appearance, so if Bane came to that conclusion, he would be correct. But the Dom himself obviously cared about appearance. That much was clear from the way he dressed, how he always wore immaculate make-up, even when just staying in, how he styled his hair perfectly every day.

Alec had to bite back a groan. Damn it. What if he already had displeased Bane, what if Bane was already silently judging him for how Alec dressed? What if Bane hated it? He had, after all, brought up shopping for new clothes yesterday. The thought settled heavily, and Alec had to force himself to take a deep breath, trying to calm down.

He didn’t have to panic. This was laughable, and all those unnecessary worries about whether or not his Dom hated what Alec wore, stemmed solely from the impending drop, Alec knew that. Had he not been relatively close to dropping he wouldn’t ever have thought twice about the way he dressed.  
And truly, if Bane had a problem with Alec’s choice of attire, he could mention it himself, Alec thought. Alec refused to stumble around in the dark any longer, desperately guessing at what Bane wanted from him.

The thing Alec didn’t understand, however, was why this drop had come so soon, why it was already in its beginning stages. The last time he’d been taken down had been less than two weeks ago, and he should, by all means, still have had at least another two weeks before his next drop would even begin to set in.

He had heard of drops coming a bit sooner than usually after a fresh Bond, but had never heard anything about having one _this_ soon. It was concerning, and he certainly would have thought it over for much longer, had the need to go and see his Dom not been steadily growing stronger, making his skin itch.

Alec took a deep breath, swapped out the comfortable, reassuringly soft sweatpants for a pair of simple black jeans, and headed out in the hallway, making a beeline for the bathroom. Everything in him seemed to pull him towards Bane’s bedroom, but there was absolutely _no way_ he’d go in there right now, basically radiating neediness. He closed the bathroom door firmly behind himself, leaning against it for a quick moment.

During a drop, Subs were much more needy when it came to a Dom’s affection. They were more easily hurt emotionally, taking everything to heart and even a slight argument, some light criticism from their Dom, could cause heavy emotional distress. Alec had only dropped once before, shortly after he’d presented, and it was not an experience he was eager to repeat.

He should go to Bane as soon as possible while the drop was still in its beginning stages, Alec knew that. Right now, he still had enough control over himself to at least think clearly, he could still judge situations rationally and wasn’t yet the emotional wreck that he knew he’d be if he waited much longer.  
Alec knew what would happen if he let this drag on, had experienced it before. His first drop had happened just a few weeks after he had presented, and he had had only three sessions with Delaney before the drop had hit. 

It had been a terrible experience – after he had been brought to the training master, already deep in the drop, he had felt the overwhelming need to be physically close to the Dom, seeking warmth and comfort, and he’d been so, so desperate to please. But simultaneously, he had shied away from every touch Delaney had given him, from every slap and pinch, from the sharp crack of a whip, had flinched at every degrading word the Dom had spat at him.

That day, he’d learnt just how pathetic it was to let himself drop like that, just how needy he was while in a drop. He had been asked dozens of times why he hadn’t come to Delaney sooner, why he hadn’t avoided that drop, and he had been punished for it.

No one wanted a Sub that dropped that easily, Alec knew that now, because dropping was a sign of weakness. The fact that the session with Delaney hadn’t really helped, but had rather made things much worse, had not done him any favours, either.

After that disastrous evening, half of which he had spent feeling entirely disconnected from his body, he had promised himself to never go to Delaney again during or even before a drop. Most of the session he had spent feeing like an utter failure and disappointment, and Delaney’s words and his punishments still hurt, even now, looking back at them.

From then on, whenever he had felt the first signs of a drop or even slight emotional distress – which ironically mostly occurred after a session with Delaney, and Alec desperately didn’t want to think about what _that_ meant – he had taken care of it himself.

If the symptoms were relatively mild, he mostly took a warm shower and spent a few precious hours curled up in bed or shooting arrows at a target. The calm of shooting cleared his mind, the satisfaction that came with hitting every target helped with his need to please.

If the symptoms were worse, if there was a chance that he’d actually drop, he usually went to Jace or Izzy. It helped, being around his siblings. He felt safe with them, and especially Izzy, who was a Dom, calmed him down. Being around her, receiving her oftentimes praising words, joking around and just feeling _loved_ , usually made the exhaustion and worry of a drop either disappear, replaced by a feeling of contentment and love, or it pushed them away momentarily, far enough that Alec could deal with them on his own later on.

If Alec was correct, he still had a few precious hours today before things would get really bad. He would go to Bane soon, ask him for help, no matter how much everything in him cringed at that thought. He didn’t _want_ to – he barely knew the man and he desperately did not want their first scene to happen while he was dropping – but he knew that that was the best possible solution.

The only one, really. If he didn’t ask for help, if he didn’t let Bane take him down, that would make things much worse for him. Because then, he’d not only have to deal with a full-blown drop by himself, but also with the Bane’s anger at his Sub keeping something like that from him.

Alec nodded to himself in the mirror, straightening. It would be fine. He would go to Bane, prevent the worst of the drop. It would please his Dom, seeing Alec come to him for help, and it would help him in the long run. And after their scene, Alec would at least have an idea of what Bane liked. It would be _fine_.

It wasn’t ideal by any means – he’d much prefer his first time of being on his knees for Bane to happen while he was thinking a bit more clearly, wasn’t half out of it and emotionally unstable. Ideally, their first scene together _wouldn’t_ be one where Ale was not even quite himself anymore, but that did not seem to be what fate had wanted for him. It wasn’t ideal, but that didn’t matter. If Alec acted quickly enough, it would still be fine. It had to be.

With that thought resolutely in mind, Alec stepped into the shower, relaxing a little as the warm water hit his skin. It’d be fine. It would all be fine because it had to. He’d survive whatever Bane wanted to throw at him because he had to, because he _could_.

At least it wasn’t a full drop yet, Alec repeated with a sigh. Just the - comparatively gentle - beginning stages. If he went to see Bane as soon as his shower was done, there should be no further harm caused.

\--

The warm water did help calm him down a bit, and after Alec had dried off and put on his clothes – still quietly wishing for the more comfortable sweatpants – he took a deep breath and pushed the bathroom door open, preparing to face his Dom.  
Alec quickly ducked into his room, leaving his pyjamas there, before venturing into the hallway, trying to figure out whether Bane was in his room or not.

The warlock’s door was closed, and Alec couldn’t hear anything from inside the room, so he went to the kitchen, which he also found empty. There was no one on the balcony, and Alec’s heart sunk as he made his way to the living room, only to find that one empty, too.

Was Bane in his room and Alec simply hadn’t heard him? It was unlikely, given Alec’s hearing, but it could have happened. He was just about to check again, when a piece of paper on the table caught his eye. It was a small post-it, bright purple, with a note in black ink on it.

Oh no.

Alec went and picked it up, stomach clenching as he read the words. Shit. _Shit._

_Dear Alexander,_  
_A client has had an emergency and I am the only one who can help her. I am terribly sorry for just disappearing like that & I’ll try to be back as soon as I can, which will likely be in roughly an hour. Please help yourself to any food you like, do whatever you want while I’m gone. Nothing is off-limits in the flat. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll have contact to no one but her, as not to disturb the Bond._  
_My apologies,_  
_Magnus_

A pit seemed to have opened in Alec’s stomach. Fuck. Magnus was gone.  
Magnus was gone, he’d be gone for an hour, and Alec had no way to contact him, because his phone was still at the Institute. He couldn’t contact his siblings either, since Magnus had probably taken his own phone with him when he’d left.

He couldn’t leave the flat to go to the Institute, ask for help there, or to try and see his siblings. That would only disturb the Bond, upset him further and would induce the drop much earlier, _and_ the Institute would never let him in, anyways. And it wasn’t as if he could go looking for Magnus. He had no idea where the warlock had gone to, didn’t know where that client of his lived. For all Alec knew, Bane could be on another _continent_ right now.

Fuck.

He was alone in his Dom’s flat with no one to talk to, no way to contact his Dom at all, and an impending drop looming over him. 

A drop, which was already approaching much, much quicker now than Alec had thought it would. It likely didn’t help that Alec now not only felt abandoned, but truly _was_. If anything, that only sped up the entire process, making the situation so much worse.

Taking a deep breath, Alec forced himself to stay calm. Bane would be here soon, he hadn’t abandoned Alec. He hadn’t left because he didn’t want to deal with Alec’s neediness, his sudden and early drop, he just had left because something important had come up. ~~Something more important than Alec.~~

Alec was fine. Magnus would come back, and if Alec explained the situation to him then, there was a chance that Bane would be willing to take him down, even though Alec was needy and weak and an absolute disgrace for a Shadowhunter, because he was a _Sub_ , a dropping, pathetic Sub-

The note Alec had been holding in both hands ripped. It startled him, too much to really be acceptable for a Shadowhunter, but it also made Delaney’s voice that had suddenly appeared in the back of his head shut up.

By the Angel. If it was already this bad now, with Bane only being gone for fifteen minutes _at the most_ , then how bad would it be in an hour?

Alec had to do something, distract himself from the emotional turmoil he was currently facing. Taking a deep breath, he put the torn note back on the table, turned and left the room, heading for the kitchen.

Fine. He would survive this on his own. It was just a drop, he had done this before, and it had worked out just fine. He was strong enough to deal with this alone, he knew that. He was strong enough to deal with much worse on his own, and it wasn’t as if one drop alone would kill him.

It wouldn’t be pleasant, not in the slightest, and Alec would rather go through another, voluntary session with Delaney than a drop on his own, but it would be _fine_. He could take it. He knew he could. He had been trained for this, after all.

Admittedly, the drop was progressing quickly now, much quicker than Alec was used to. Being abandoned by one’s Bonded Dom just a few days after the Bond was apparently jarring enough to speed up a drop significantly. Already, Alec felt all the overwhelming emotions that were supposed to come later, rush in.

The pain he’d felt ever since he had first woken up had manifested in a rather strong and persistent headache, and he felt exhausted, even though he had done virtually nothing today, hadn’t even been awake for long. Not to even mention the feeling of abandonment that was rather persistently trying to creep in, along with the vague hint of guilt, because he was _a needy, worthless, pathetic little Sub, who couldn’t even drop properly, absolutely-_

Alec banged his knee on the kitchen table, which _hurt_ , but at least the pain had the added benefit of getting Delaney’s voice in his mind to shut up.

By the Angel, he didn’t even have to answer to that man anymore, and he was still hearing his voice in his head. That couldn’t be a good sign.

Alec looked around the kitchen a bit helplessly. He didn’t actually want to eat anything, feeling slightly queasy anyways, but he had needed to leave the living room and that damned note in it. 

The note _had_ stated that Alec could help himself to whatever he wanted in the flat, though. Alec stared at the cupboards for a second before he took a deep breath and opened one, searching for a mug.

He had written permission to use Bane’s things, the warlock had told him that nothing was off-limits, and if he later decided to get mad at his Sub making himself some tea, well, then Alec would at least know where he stood.

For now, he tried to push any thought of his Dom getting angry out of the way, as it made a not-so-insignificant part of him feel decidedly terrible, and focussed on preparing the tea.

It was a familiar ritual. Izzy had often made him tea when he had come to her after a particular intense scene with Delaney, or in situations just like this, when he had come to her, looking for help with a looming drop. He had watched and assisted her often enough that the familiar steps of it calmed him a little, and when the tea had finished brewing, he felt a little better already.

Of course, it was no comparison to actually having either of his siblings here with him, but it had helped. And right now, he’d take whatever comfort he could get.

Alec waited for the tea to cool down, silently cursing himself for not taking Bane up on his offer yesterday, for not lending the warlock’s phone. He had had good reason to refuse, and he still stood behind that – he hadn’t wanted to worry his siblings, hadn’t wanted to make them think that so far, Bane had been anything but kind and considerate – but he knew that he’d feel at least a little better right now if he had talked to them, had he allowed himself that comfort.

Not that there was anything to be done about that now. Alec had to deal with this on his own. No matter how much he wished for siblings or even Bane, for another person that - at least for now - did not seem to wish to harm him.

Alec stood up with a small sigh, taking his tea with him, walking towards his bedroom.

Maybe he’d go back to sleep again. It would likely be the best course of action – he couldn’t really do anything that might anger Bane while he was asleep, and if he set an alarm, the warlock wouldn’t even know that his Sub had been sleeping instead of doing, well, anything productive.

Alec shortly toyed with the thought of preparing food for Bane, but it was too early for lunch and decidedly too late for breakfast. And besides, he didn’t think Bane actually had anything edible in the kitchen. The warlock mostly seemed to conjure all the ingredients for his meals.

Alec fully intended to go to his room, get in bed and hopefully sleep the worst of the drop off, but once he’d entered the hallway, he found his feet wouldn’t carry him any further, refusing to walk on. He was left standing directly in front of Bane’s bedroom, the door firmly closed.

Alec glanced down the hallway, at his own door, then back at Bane’s. Bane’s voice popped up in the back of his head, much like Delaney’s head, only that the warlock’s was softer, gentler. His words also distinctively lacked any slurs or insults, Alec noted with a wry smile.

_Please don’t enter my room without permission, especially not when I’m sleeping._

_If you need anything else today, please don’t hesitate to knock._

_If there’s an issue you can always come to me._

_That’s my room. As I said, you’re always welcome here._

_Nothing is off-limits in the flat._

There were a few things Bane had said about his room and whether or not Alec was allowed to enter it, most of them restricting his entrance. Admittedly, most of Bane’s statements also contradicted themselves, but Alec _had_ the note that’s stated he could enter. He had it and if Bane said anything against his entering later on, he could show it, could prove that he had been given explicit permission.

_Nothing is off-limits in the flat._

Alec turned and hurried to the living room, grabbing the two pieces of paper, shoving them in his pocket. They felt heavy in his jean pocket, like shield and weapon simultaneously, but they did make it easier for him to approach Bane’s door once more, pushing it open, though not yet entering, just standing in the doorway.

This was pushing the limits, Alec knew that, but by the Angel, was he sick of waiting. He had done nothing but wait around for Bane to show his true colours, to strike him, command him, fuck him, he’d been waiting for the warlock to do _something_ , and he was done with it. If Bane didn’t want him to enter his room, Alec would find out, and then at least, he would _know_. If Bane didn’t want to cooperate, didn’t want to truly tell him the rules, then Alec would have to start figuring them out on his own. This could be his first step, the first time he tested the waters, pushed the limits to see how much resistance he’d get.

When Alec dragged himself out of his head enough to actually take a look at the room, he couldn’t help but be a little surprised. Magnus’s bedroom was tidier than last time, almost spotless, really. The heavy curtains were pushed aside, letting in light and making the room seem less threatening. The door to Bane’s walk-in closet was closed, and there were no clothes strewn on the floor.

Alec took a step forward, almost without meaning to. The post-it felt heavy in his pocket, and his hands shook a little as he advanced further into the room.

Despite his resolution, which he held onto tightly, he couldn’t help but worry a bit. He was overstepping, and he knew it. This was his Dom’s bedroom, this was _private_ , and Alec was almost certainly crossing so many boundaries, breaking so many rules right now, just by being in the room.

But it helped; Alec noticed. Being surrounded by Bane’s things, his possessions, his scent, all this helped Alec calm down a little more. It felt like being trusted. This was Bane’s bedroom, his safe haven, as well as the place where he brought his lovers, where he relaxed and let go with them. Not that that was something Alec wanted to think about at the moment.

He focussed on the details he could see, on what he could smell, on what he could take in without physically searching the room. The calm Alec had felt just mere seconds ago was already starting to disappear again, little by little, his resolution crumbling in favour of an underlying anxiety coming out.

Bane likely wouldn’t appreciate Alec snooping around in his room, but he _had_ allowed him to enter, if somewhat indirectly. Alec just had to remember that, because at the moment, his mind was doing a fantastic job at telling him all the reasons for why it was a truly terrible idea for him to be in his Dom’s bedroom without explicit permission or supervision. Alec tried to focus on the part of where he was allowed to be in here instead of the one where Bane came home to find his Sub snooping around, halfway into a drop, and then rightfully took his anger out on Alec.

Alec took a few more steps towards the middle of the room, taking a sip of his tea as he did so. The guilt was back, now accompanied by a hint of fear. What if Bane truly did come back earlier than anticipated and found Alec in here, without permission? He wouldn’t much appreciate it, Alec imagined.

There had to be a reason, after all, for them not sharing a room, a reason why Bane did not even invite Alec to his bedroom. What if the warlock was repulsed by him? That would explain why Alec’s own room was also so richly decorated, why he was living in the absolutely unnecessary luxury of silk sheets and beautiful décor. Maybe Bane hated the way he looked, the way he talked, maybe Bane could barely stand to look at him and would not want Alec in his own rooms, wouldn’t want him to sully them.

Maybe Bane was repulsed by him, and didn’t want to touch, fuck, or scene with him in the warlock’s own rooms, as not to be reminded of Alec once the act was done, therefore decorating Alec’s room in a way he liked. Was Alec truly that terrible to look at?

He was used to not being the most beautiful, the most desirable, the best at fighting, even. He was used to being second-best, used to never being good enough, but he had never been seen as repulsive. Less beautiful than Jace and Izzy, yes, less reckless, less impulsive, sometimes not even as good a fighter as either of them, if his parents’ words could be trusted. But repulsive?

It would explain why Bane hadn’t slept with him yet, why he hadn’t even touched him, for fuck’s sake. Maybe Bane couldn’t even stand the thought of scening with Alec, of bringing him down, of kissing him or fucking him. Maybe Bane was disgusted by Alec, enough so that he never wanted to have him at all. That would explain a lot, Alec thought bitterly.

He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

He was being unreasonable. There had to be another explanation for Bane keeping his distance, and while Alec was sure it wasn’t just from the goodness of Bane’s heart, he also didn’t truly think that the warlock was entirely repulsed by him. After all, he was _Magnus Bane_. It wasn’t like that man had to settle for anyone he didn’t find appealing. He wouldn’t have Bonded with Alec if he truly was disgusted by him. There had to be _something_ that had drawn Magnus towards Alec, something more than just the promise of peace. Or at least that was what Alec was currently trying to convince himself of.

He sighed. All these thoughts that spiralled so quickly, transformed into catastrophes is his mind, were due to the drop, Alec was aware of that, but that didn’t exactly make them any easier to stop. Still, he forced himself to be rational, as much as possible.

He knew he was catastrophising, he was intimately familiar with the thought patterns and he knew that it wouldn’t get any better if he allowed himself to fall into these same old patterns again. Back home, it had helped when he had gone training, the exhaustion and focus that were needed had made it easier not to think. On other days, he had gone to his siblings, most often Izzy, and having someone to talk to who wasn’t as caught up in his own head as he was, had also helped calm him down.

Right now, neither of these two things were possible. He would have to find another method, which he certainly wouldn’t by standing in his Dom’s room, contemplating just how repulsed Bane was by him and his body.

Alec sighed, resigning himself to suffering through the next hour or so alone in his room, waiting for Bane to come back. That would at least be _somewhat_ less miserable than continuing to stand here, beating himself up over things that may or may not be true.

Maybe Bane would be in a good mood when he returned, would be willing to take Alec down, preventing the drop from progressing any further. Perhaps Bane would even be kind enough to let Alec stay in his room, would touch him, stroke his hair at first, maybe.

Alec didn’t delude himself into thinking that their session would be all kind and gentle, like he would have preferred, like he craved right now. If Bane was kind enough to bring him down, the session would also have to be worth it for the warlock. Alec couldn’t just take his comfort, the kind, gentle touches he carved, and not give anything back.

But. But maybe, after Bane had done what he wanted, after he had hurt or humiliated Alec the way he liked, maybe he would stroke Alec’s hair then, praise him, tell him he’d done well. It would be so, so fucking nice to finally be told that he had done something well.

Now that the image was in his head, he couldn’t stop thinking about it – him, kneeling next to Magnus, his shirt off and his torso pressed against Magnus’s leg, the warlock’s hand in his hair, combing through it just strongly enough to make Alec feel the tug, grounding him. _This_ was what he wanted, not intense pain and degrading words spat at him, but this. Easy, comfortable, freely given submission, maybe with a hint of pain. This, nothing else.

The image in his head, the desire it brought to the surface, coupled with the exhaustion and weakness from his drop, were strong. Strong enough to make Alec, who usually had perfect control over his body, stumble as he took another step towards the door, intending to leave. Stumble, and fall.

He landed on his knees painfully, momentarily slammed back into a dark room in the Institute with a Dom who was out to hurt him standing behind him. Any moment now, the pain would come. Any moment now, he’d hear all these words that echoed in his dreams, the insults and slurs, would feel the pain that he could remember so vividly.

But nothing happened, no insults, no sharp cracking sound of a whip, just a dull, quiet sound, and the sudden, horrifying realisation that the teacup was no longer in his hands.

Instead, it way laying on the floor in front of him, broken, the tea making a puddle on the bedroom floor. _Bane’s_ bedroom floor.

Alec sucked in a breath, fighting against the sudden feeling of there not being any air in the room. He was slammed back into reality, the now, just as quickly as he’d been taken out of it, his mind leaving behind the memories of his sessions with Delaney, zeroing on what had just happened here.

He had broken his Dom’s teacup. The teacup he had taken without permission, he had made a mess on his Dom’s floor, the floor of his Dom’s _bedroom_ , which he had also entered without permission.

Oh God.

This. This was what Delaney had meant when he said that Alec was an ungrateful, good-for-nothing Sub. This was what his father had warned him of, him messing up, fucking it up, making a mistake.

Bane would be furious, Alec knew that in his bones. He had wanted to please, not to upset, had wanted to be brought down by a kind, maybe even caring Dom, but now, he’d surely just be punished. He’d made a mess, had destroyed his Dom’s property, had entered his bedroom without permission. There was no reason, no reason _at all_ for Bane to look the other way, not to punish him.

And Alec would deserve it, too.

The tightness in Alec’s chest got worse, every breath a fight now. Helplessly, Alec straightened, still on his knees, automatically crossing his arms behind himself, bowing his head after a second.

He wouldn’t have been able to get up now, even if he had had wanted to. He couldn’t do anything but wait now, wait for his Dom to come back, wait for Bane to find him and punish him accordingly. Wait, and hope that whatever Bane wanted to dish out wouldn’t harm him _too_ much. Not irreparably, at least.

And even if, Alec thought vaguely, his thoughts somehow slow and quick at the same time, even if, he would deserve it, anyways.

\---

Alec snapped back into awareness when he felt something in the flat shift. He tensed, trying in vain to concentrate, to listen and find out where the sounds, or rather the feeling, was coming from. It didn’t work - his head was too fuzzy for that, his thoughts hazy and only half-formed. He felt exhausted, every bone in his body hurt, and he had no idea for how long he had been kneeling. It could have been five minutes or more than an hour – Alec had lost all sense of time.

It was hard enough to stay upright, to not slip away fully, retreat into his mind where everything was quiet and calm, if a bit fuzzy.  
Alec’s entire body hurt, but he still managed to flinch when he heard footsteps approaching the bedroom door.

“Alexander?”

Magnus was looking for him, sounding slightly worried. The footsteps walked past the bedroom, advancing towards Alec’s own room, and Alec wanted to open his mouth, call out and tell the warlock where he was, but his tongue was thick and heavy in his mouth, and he couldn’t speak, couldn’t even move it properly. It was hard enough to stay focussed on his surroundings, hard not to drift to that place where everything was warm and calm, where he wouldn’t even notice if he got hurt, but he had to try. He had to do this, at least, had to show Bane that he could and would take whatever the warlock wanted to give him.

He could be good, he _could_.

The bedroom door opened with a small sound, and Alec forced himself to straighten on his knees, hands gripping each other behind his back. He lifted his head just enough to see Bane’s upper body as the warlock entered the room, not quite daring to lift his gaze and look the warlock in the eyes.

“Alexander? Are you alright? What happened?”

Bane’s voice was frantic but muffled, as if something was blocking Alec’s ears, and the Shadowhunter had to concentrate to understand him. Bane sounded… worried? Alec wanted to answer, wanted to beg, but his tongue still wouldn’t cooperate, stuck in his mouth, heavy and unmoving.

Instead of answering, Alec bowed his head, exposing his neck, making himself smaller. Maybe it would be enough to appease Bane, at least until he could speak again. Maybe Bane would forgive him, if Alec could just explain.

But no. Bane sighed, and the sound made Alec flinch, his entire body moving with it.

Disappointed. His Dom was disappointed in him, because Alec had fucked it up already, had disobeyed, and now Bane would punish him, would hurt him, would tell Alec exactly what he had done wrong. Bane was disappointed in him, rightfully so, and that knowledge alone made it harder to breathe, Alec’s chest restricting with every breath he struggled to take.

He had disappointed his Dom.

Alec let his head drop down even further as he saw and heard Bane approach, the Dom taking careful, slow steps.

He had messed up, had disobeyed. If he was lucky, Bane would punish him, hurt him enough to make Alec regret every decision that had let to this point, and then, then he would forgive him. If he was lucky, Bane wouldn’t send him away, wouldn’t force him to go back to the Institute. If he was lucky, Bane would hurt him, whip him bloody, maybe, and then he would forgive Alec. Maybe he’d even allow Alec to press close afterwards, to take a bit of the comfort he knew he didn’t deserve.

“Oh, Alexander.”

The words were a sigh, and Alec had the sudden clarity of mind to think that that last wish, that fantasy of comfort afterwards, was now certainly not going to come true, when he saw Bane’s legs move a little closer still, the warlock stopping just shortly in front of him.

Bane crouched in front of Alec, two fingers resting underneath his chin, lifting Alec’s head up. For a second, Alec’s eyes remained unfocussed, before he was able to blink and concentrate on his Dom’s face.

Bane was… smiling?

This wasn’t what Alec had been expecting, and the suddenness of it, the way Bane’s mood was so entirely, terribly different from what Alec had been picturing, left him reeling. To his mortification, his eyes started burning, and he had to clench his hands tightly to keep from reaching out for Bane.

“Why don’t you stand up for me, darling?”

The words had just the slightest hint of command behind them, and Alec found his body acting almost automatically. He rose smoothly, gracefully, going from kneeling to standing in one fluid, quick movement. He resisted the urge to duck his head again, remembering how Bane had tilted his chin up, and instead stared straight ahead, not looking the smaller man in the eyes.

“There you are. Are you alright?”

It was a simple question, and maybe that was what made it so hard to answer. Right now, Alec wasn’t certain he was alright. He was not hurt, not physically, but he wasn’t sure he was entirely _fine_ , either, at least not emotionally.

He bit his lip and settled for the slightest hint of a shrug. He would have explained if he could have, but he _couldn’t_ , his tongue heavy and leaden, his jaws locked and unable to open, unable to let any sound escape.

Delaney had always wanted him to be quiet, at first.

“Okay,” Bane sighed, and Alec’s fingernails dug deep into his palms, “okay. Thank you for answering. This isn’t… quite how I would have liked this to go, but that isn’t your fault, darling, not at all,” he added quickly, when Alec’s eyes started burning gain, and he thought he might have flinched at Bane’s word, too.

“It is my fault, if anything. Sit down on the bed, please.”

It was a command, a direct order, and the relief at that almost made Alec’s knees go weak. He dipped his head and walked over to the bed, sitting down on it gingerly.

“Hands on your knees,” Bane ordered, and Alec complied, the command loosening something in his chest. Breathing got easier, the comfort of being told what to do, of not having to fight through the haze in his brain anymore, slowly settling in.

“Beautiful,” Magnus said, and Alec ducked his head further, fighting the hints of a blush. Bane sounded _pleased_ , and it made Alec feel light-hearted and happy, the guilt and fear slowly ebbing away.

“Look at me,” Bane ordered, and Alec’s head snapped up, his eyes zeroing in on his Dom. Alec watched as he slowly approached, shedding his jacket as he came closer, putting it on the bed next to Alec.

Bane stood at a small distance from Alec, just looking at him, expression neutral. It made Alec’s skin crawl a bit, the way he couldn’t tell what Bane was thinking, but there was also a new-found sense of calm here now, the few orders Bane had given him settling around him like a blanket.

Alec breathed out, slowly, deeply, and a hint of the haziness came back, a pleasant one this time.

“I’d like you to do a few things for me,” Magnus said, voice calm and soft, “alright?”

Alec nodded slowly, eyes never leaving Bane’s face.

“Perfect. If I ask something of you that you don’t want or cannot do, say ‘Red’. That’s an order.”

Bane’s words were still soft, gentle, though obviously a command now, and Alec could feel himself responding, nodding again, then ducking his head a bit more, exposing his neck.

“Say it, please, Alexander. Can you do that for me? I need to hear it.”

It took effort to loosen his tongue, and it was a struggle to open his mouth, but his Dom had asked for something, had ordered him to say it, and therefore, Alec tried. Still, it took a few seconds before he could gather enough saliva and breath to speak, and when he did, the word came out slurred.

“Red.”

His tongue felt wrong in his mouth, too big and not really cooperating, and the word was slurred and quiet, but Bane still smiled.

“Well done. Thank you, Alexander.”

Alec smiled at the praise, and the blush he had tried to fight earlier rose to his cheeks now, making them feel warm.

“Alright,” Bane said, taking a half-step back, “please keep your hands on your knees, palms down.”

Alec complied, the movement feeling easy and natural, and breathing got a little easier still. 

“Close your eyes. I want you to focus on nothing but my voice. Listen to me, do as I say, and don’t move your hands, alright? Say ‘Red’ if you need to stop. Can you do that for me?”

Alec nodded, and his eyes slipped shut, leaving him in darkness with nothing to concentrate on but the Dom’s voice and the roughness of his jeans under his fingertips.

“Perfect. You’re doing very well for me. I’d like you to breathe out for four seconds now, hold it for four seconds, breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then repeat the entire process. Nod if you understand.”

Alec nodded, head feeling already lighter than it had minutes ago, and he concentrated on his breath, silently counting in his head. Breathe out - one, two, three, four, stop. Hold - one, two, three, four, stop. Breathe in - one, two, three, four, stop. Hold - one, two, three, four…

Time got a little hazy as Alec’s world got narrowed down to nothing but his breathing and the feeling of his jeans underneath his hands, the slightly stiff, scratchy sensation comfortably grounding.

After a few more of these cycles, Alec’s heart slowed down again from the rapid pace it had been beating at, making Alec relax a little. Breathing got easier, the breaths flowing smoothly. At the sound of clothes rustling, Alec couldn’t help but perk up a bit, the sound soon followed by the feeling something pressing against his leg.

He kept breathing, didn’t open his eyes because Bane hadn’t told him to, and after a few more cycles of breathing, the Dom’s voice came again, closer now.

“Well done, darling. You’re doing very well. Open your eyes please.”

Alec complied. Bane was indeed standing closer to him now, his leg pressed up against Alec’s, and he was still smiling down at Alec, gently and caringly. 

“Kneel in front of the bed, please, and put your hands behind your back.”

Alec complied, sliding off the bed and falling to his knees in one movement, as gracefully as he could manage. His arms crossed behind his back, but he kept his head upright, looking at the wall opposite to him, focussing on a spot on it.

“Beautiful,” Bane said, and Alec sighed at that, the sound leaving him involuntarily. Bane just chuckled, stepping behind him.

“I will tie your hands behind your back now, darling. If you don’t want that or anything hurts, you know what to say.”

Alec hummed, barely audible, and Magnus chuckled again, before Alec could hear clothes rustling behind him again. Seconds later he felt a soft fabric circling his crossed wrists, tying a simple knot.

The fabric was soft, and the knot didn’t hurt, but rather felt comfortable, holding his wrists in place, keeping them where Bane wanted them. Alec heard more rustling behind him, and then felt Bane’s leg pressed against his back, forcing him to tip forwards just the slightest bit. The rope tugged now, not giving in, keeping his hands in place, and the new position was just enough for Alec to make him feel the slight stretch in his arms, feel the way they were kept in a not entirely natural position.

A hand landed on Alec’s head, finger burying themselves in his hair, giving it a slight tug. Alec tilted his head up a little and was rewarded by Magnus now combing through his hair, tugging every now and then, just strong enough to be felt.

“You’re doing so well,” Magnus said, voice rich and obviously pleased. “Just keep breathing darling. I’ve got you. Nothing will happen to you, just breathe and focus on me.”

Alec complied, and allowed the world to slip away from him again – softly, this time.

\--

The world was bright when he came back. Alec’s knees were aching, but in a good, grounding way, and the slight pain and tension in his arms was more noticeable now, though not uncomfortable.

A hand rested on Alec’s head, tugging at his hair softly, combing through it. And now, Alec could also hear a voice in front of him, speaking softly.

“Come back to me, Alexander. You’re doing very well. Come back to me.”

Alec raised his head slowly, carefully, blinking a few times until he could open his eyes fully. Bane was sitting in front of him, wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt, one hand resting on Alec’s knee, the other still stroking through his hair.

He smiled when he saw Alec looking up at him.

“There you are, darling. Are you alright? Nod or shake your head, please.”

After a second of careful consideration, in which Alec mentally checked whether he was hurt the way he usually did after patrol, he nodded. Nothing hurt except for a slight tension in his arms and the not altogether unpleasant sensation in is legs and knees. He wasn’t feeling sick, his head didn’t even hurt anymore, and the guilt and anxiety that had made it so difficult to breathe earlier had disappeared as well.

“Thank you. Do you think you can stand up?”

Alec nodded again, rising to his feet directly afterwards, a bit wobbly. Bane’s hands disappeared from his leg and head, and before Alec even had the chance to miss them, the warlock already held out his hand again, offering to Alec.

He took it, and Bane squeezed it slightly, smiling at him.

“You’re doing very well. Good boy. Do you think you can speak?”

Alec tried, frowning a little. His tongue wasn’t as heavy and unmovable anymore, though it still took a bit of effort to form the words. They came out slurred, but at least he’d tried.

“Yes, Sir.”

Bane squeezed his hand again, tugging at it lightly, making Alec follow him as he walked through the bedroom.

“Just ‘Magnus’ will be fine. I prefer the sound of that over ‘Sir’. Thank you for answering me, you’re doing very well. We’ll go to the living room now, sit on the couch for a bit.”

Magnus led Alec while he spoke, the two of them exiting the bedroom. By now, Alec had gained enough control over his limbs that he didn’t slowly shuffle behind the warlock anymore, but rather carefully walked next to him, head bowed a little and hand still in Magnus’s.

They sat down on the sofa, and even though it truly hadn’t been a long walk from the bedroom to the sofa, Alec felt exhausted already, sinking bonelessly into the cushions.

He looked up at Magnus, who was already watching him. The Dom freed his hand from Alec’s, only to stroke it gently over his face, touching his cheekbones, then wandering up to his hairline.

“Would you like some tea? Black or Green tea?”

Alec pondered that question for a few seconds, allowing himself to get distracted by Bane’s soft combing for a few precious moments.

“Green tea, please.”

His voice was a little scratchy still, but Magnus just smiled, waving the hand that wasn’t currently playing with Alec’s hair. A second later, two steaming cups of tea were on the coffee table.

“When you drink,” Bane said, voice still pleasant and low, “I’d like you to concentrate on every sip. Focus on the taste and the warmth. And when you’ve finished your tea, I’d like you to come back to me fully, yes, darling? Can you do that for me?”

Alec nodded, and reached for the teacup. He could come back, could leave the last hints of that pleasantly floaty feeling behind. He could come back to Magnus, if Magnus wanted him to.

He raised the cup to his lips and took the first sip, starting to slowly, carefully work himself out of that hazy, comfortable feeling with every sip he took. Bane’s hand was still petting his hair, grounding him, and helping him.

“Thank you, my dear,” Bane said, watching as Alec drank. He was slowly coming back, leaving the fuzziness behind, exchanging it for full awareness of the feeling of Magnus petting Alec’s hair, full awareness of the world around him.

Magnus dug his fingers a little deeper in Alec hair, scratching his head. Then he raised his other hand, settling it on Alec’s back and started rubbing slow, careful circles with just the barest hint of pressure to his touch. Magnus smiled, looking Alec in the eyes, making sure that Alec was aware enough, present enough to hear his next words.

“You’re doing perfectly. Come back to me, darling, you’re doing so well. I’m proud of you.”

Alec smiled around his teacup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter, university had a personal agenda to kill me. I still have a few more exams coming up, but it's definitely less stressful now than it was during the entirety of January, so the next chapter should hopefully be done somewhat soon.  
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! And thank you, as always, to absolutely everyone who reads, leaves kudos, and comments! Your comments really do make my day. :)


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